New here and need some help.

[Lucki]

Hey all, my name is Lucky. I'm new here and I hope I am posting in the right area.

I have been with my girlfriend for a few years now and we have had our ups and downs but made it through them.
I'm almost 20 and she's 22, and y'know normally things are decent between us.


But recently, we've been having our fair share of problems.
I bought a plane ticket to travel to Canada to meet her a few weeks ago completely stoked about it.
But last week, I got into a pretty bad car accident which made me unable to go see her last week. I explained to her that I was sorry and that I would re-schedule the flight for when I am able to fly to Canada to meet her to which she replied that my car accident was simply an excuse and if I really loved her the way that I claim to, I would find a way to get to her asap. I then told her of course I love her, but due to the accident I am unable to travel and that we can reschedule the flight.

She then proceeded to tell her family and friends that I was making excuses to not see her and that I didn't love her or care about her feelings, so they all suggested she dump me.

Well, today, she dumped me :/ and then told me, If I wanted to be with her, I had to fight for her love back and do something completely spontaneous like end up on her doorstep in the next week and beg for her love back, and that if I couldn't then I must not love her. She also ended it with "If you want something bad enough, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse"

Personally, I don't see me being injured and in the hospital as an excuse
but now I am so confused that I don't know what to do anymore.

Am I being irrational for feeling kind of meh about this?
Any suggestions as to what I should do?

[Vonsever]

an EXCUSE is something that was easily avoidable, or shouldn't have significantly prevented you from doing the thing, or is patently untrue.

A REASON is something that means you were not able to perform the activity, even if you genuinely wanted to and would have if this event had not occurred.

A car accident that has left you in the hospital is in no way shape or form an excuse. >.>
Sounds like she needs a reality check.

Maybe ask her if you can transfer the ticket to her so she can use it to come see you?
But the fact that she dumped you after listening to her friends is unacceptable and the fact that she is acting so immaturely is not cool.

Welcome to LFAD!!

[mllebamako]

Don't worry, you are not the irrational one in this situation. She is being irrational and taking something personally that has nothing to do with your love for her. Life is messy and plans change, she needs to learn that. Of course she can be disappointed that you had to rescheduled, but guilting you into visiting her when you are physically unable to is overkill. Was she at all concerned about your health after the accident? I feel like that should have been her number one priority.

I don't really have any advice for your situation. She is being irrational and the most you can do is try to explain it to her again and see if she can get a little perspective and be understanding of a crappy situation.

[Zephii]

Wow. Talk about over-reacting. Does she usually do that?

I can almost see it from her point of view. I have seen waaay to many stories about people who have to cancel right before their first meet and a car accident is often a favorite excuse. These people then go on to plan many more visits that never actually happen (because they don't want to meet, are not the gender the other thinks they are, are married... whatever) so I can understand some level of suspicion. But, she's taking it way too far.

I don't know how hurt you are exactly, I assume it's pretty bad to not be able to fly though. Being the kind of person I am, I'd probably post her an ultrasound photo of a broken bone or a bunch of grizzly pictures of your stitches or something.

But only you know her and can guess at what works. If she's often like this, I might suggest just letting her go, simply because in the future likely you're going to want the kind of girl who can stand by you and support you rather than freaking out and being completely selfish. But, if she's usually stable and supportive and you think she is just genuinely hurt and scared - and you can't see yourself without her in your future, then make the effort to do something flashy.

I wouldn't be begging for anything though, because she doesn't deserve that... and likely you're better than that!
Welcome to the forum, btw.

[Lucki]

oh wow! thank you all for replying!! I hope I do this right haha.

She wasn't concerned at all... When I told her I got into a car accident the first thing she said was "well you're still coming to see me right?" and when I told her I was unable to fly out, she exploded. >.<

We've webcamed before and we send each other videos, I'm pretty sure she knows that I am who I say I am. I even sent her ticket confirmation to show her that i actually bought the tickets to meet her. I thought about that, though.

Yeah :/ it is pretty bad. I did that for her, I sent her pictures of my car and x-rays, and pictures of me looking all beat up, stitches, IVs and everything, and she accused me of just trying to make her feel bad when I should be the one feeling bad and trying to make it up to her. :/

Looking back on things, I think in the beginning she was pretty stable but as time has progressed this different side of her is emerging. I kind of want to meet her in hopes of perhaps showing her that she is being irrational plus I care a lot about her.

Thanks for the welcomes!!

[Zephii]

Perhaps go meet her, and slap her in the face with a dead wet fish? Sounds like she could do with the wake-up
In all seriousness though, I'm sorry you're being treated poorly.

[Honeypie]

She's totally treating you like crap .... Sorry, but that's how I see it. She's acting like a child, a spoiled child. If you love her you'll show up on her doorstep & beg her .... if she loves you she would say things like that, she'd be understanding, yes she'd be upset but she wouldn't blame you.

If you really want to know what I think .... walk away, it'll hurt but she's showing you her true colors & they're not pretty. Good luck

[AppleLoverAsh]

She's totally treating you like crap .... Sorry, but that's how I see it. She's acting like a child, a spoiled child. If you love her you'll show up on her doorstep & beg her .... if she loves you she would say things like that, she'd be understanding, yes she'd be upset but she wouldn't blame you.

If you really want to know what I think .... walk away, it'll hurt but she's showing you her true colors & they're not pretty. Good luck

I totally agree ^. Relationships are about caring and love.. if she cared and love you.. she'd be okay with waiting.. ESPECIALLY since you're hurt. If my boyfriend got into a bad car wreak.. I'd be a mess. I wouldn't even care about anything but his health and how he was doing. She should care that you are hurt NOT that can't come as soon as you thought you were. It was an accident.. not an excuse. Good luck okay?

[rixue]

Maybe ask her if you can transfer the ticket to her so she can use it to come see you?

I second this. Is there a reason she would not be able to come visit you? Or set a date for when you can finally travel so she can see the light at the end of the tunnel? (Do this only if you want to try and rekindle a relationship with her, though I would be wary at this point due to her actions).

You are not being irrational about the situation, she is. I understand she is disappointed that you were not able to visit when you had planned, but she is acting like a child.

I sent her pictures of my car and x-rays, and pictures of me looking all beat up, stitches, IVs and everything, and she accused me of just trying to make her feel bad when I should be the one feeling bad and trying to make it up to her. :/

How is that "trying" to make her feel bad when she should be worried and care about how you are doing after the accident :/...not just "well are you going to still come and visit me?". Sounds like her priorities are out of whack.

Sorry she is not treating you well, you do not deserve that. Good luck with recovering and figuring this all out! Also, welcome to LFAD!

[LeilaniJoi]

If i got news that my SO was in the hospital i would be doing everything in my power to get to him... not demand he leave the hospital to see me.

She sounds selfish and immature. So sorry you have to deal with this. There are good women out there that are not totally focused on themselves and that will love you like you deserve.

[Snowlilly]

Perhaps go meet her, and slap her in the face with a dead wet fish? Sounds like she could do with the wake-up
In all seriousness though, I'm sorry you're being treated poorly.

Lol that made me laugh.......but seriously, she sounds incredibly immature and selfish, wow. I know it still hurts but maybe seeing that side of her has opened your eyes to what kind of person she really is. Seems to me she cares only about herself and not you.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I injured my hand at work back in February. My SO was beside himself with panic as I may have required microsurgery. Thankfully I didn't injure anything that impacted on my hand's function. I was very lucky. He wished he could've been there for me during that time and was so upset that he couldn't be. He was genuinely worried. When someone does something as passive aggressive as this it's a big red flag. It wasn't an excuse it was a justifiable reason why you couldn't travel. To be perfectly honest, you don't need someone like that in your life who has so little regard for you as a person.

[Kiyama]

She seems to have little trust in you.
My dad had a heart attack a few months back, just a few days before I was going to visit my SO but do you think he once asked if I was still coming? No even though it must have been on his mind. He was concerned and supportive and when I brought up I wasn't sure if I could come he was understanding even though he must have been terribly disappointed. In such situations your partner is what counts and you have to brush your own selfish feelings aside.
I understand kind of where she comes from because it's the first visit but there is no excuse to overreact like that :/

[Jango]

All I will say is, I hope she see's what a fool she's being.

I hope you're ok and recover fully!

[Malaga]

She sounds like the girl with a golden vajajay syndrome, pardon my language. Maybe she saw too many Rachel McAdams films and wants to be that girl, you know, you stand under her window in pouring rain on your crutches and shout out how much you love her. Or bring a boombox like John Cusack

Seriously though, don't let her emotionally blackmail you, she's been acting unreasonable and uncaring.
I wish you all the best and I hope you recover fully xx