Feeling so homesick and confused...

[MissVampyxo]

It's been my third week here visiting my SO and I love it here, but my home sickness is kicking in and I feel so depressed now. I really like it here and wouldn't mind moving here....but all I can think about is my family. He keeps asking me what my heart is telling me and my heart is saying to go home.. but I know once I go home or get on that plane I'm going to regret it so much. Everything else- my mind and gut is telling me to stay.
If I do go home, I want him to come with me and I don't want to stay for long... I can't even think about getting back on cam and going back to that life. I won't be able to hug or kiss him or cuddle at night and whenever I think about that it pulls me to staying here. Then I think about how much I miss my family, and room and nephew and it pulls me to the other side. My family of course are constantly asking when I'm going back and that I need to start college asap...
I don't think I have enough money to just go and come back and even if I do I'm still going to cry because I'm going without him..and I'll only want to go home for a few days and then come back to him. I just don't know what to do with myself, I could barely sleep last night because all I could think about was all of this and I feel so sad. Yesterday morning I woke up in tears and his sister came to comfort me and told me that they'll all understand if I need to go back or that I do need to visit my family from time to time and if anything they'll find a way to pay for me to come back.
but I just can't HANDLE going back home, siting in my room everyday just being on cam with him. I know it's better than nothing but I'm not strong enough to handle that again. Also he's visited me 2 times before and this if my first visit here and just thinking of the pain he's going to go through once I leave - makes me cry even more.

I just don't know what to do and I'm starting to feel so sad.

[redapple]

I seem to remember from a previous post that this is your first major trip away from home? Do you feel like you may just need to ride the home sickness out for a bit longer to see if you adjust? I personally don't suffer too much from homesickness as long as I can ring and occasionally go back home (I'm there every 6months or so) I'm happy. However I used to live with a girl who got the blues so bad when we were at uni, she just missed home so much. She even almost dropped out, she'd go home every other weekend and always cry when she came back, despite having a great time at uni. She was just torn between two places, much as you seem to be. Eventually a few years later se had to get a weekend job and it pushed her into not going home very often she went from twice a month to every couple of months. And she hated it! However she adjusted, she kept in touch via Skype with the parents (I used to hear her dad over webcam in the morning- very strange to wake up to!) and says she really needed to go through that leaving the nest stage and is glad she was forced to do it even though she didn't enjoy it. For example she's just recently got her dream job a couple of hundred miles from home and being single and free she happily accepted, which I don't think she would have done a few years ago.

I know it's not advice as such but maybe her experiences will help you. Make sure you keep in touch with your family and give yourself time to adjust, it's only been a few weeks your bound to feel emotional, generally us humans aren't fond of change


Also p.s sorry if this is full of errors- I'm on my phone!

[redapple]

Also as a p.p.s it might be worth asking your family to lay off on the when are you coming back talk. Help you make your own decision and not feel guilted into it by family, it's hard for them to not have you there. It takes time for everyone to adjust.

[princessmeg1328]

I felt the same way as you do now when I was visiting my SO last year. I was in England for almost four months, and I was ok for the first couple of weeks. After that, I got really homesick. I missed my talking to my mom everyday, and we didn't get to skype very often at all because of the 6 hour time difference. She would just be getting home from work as we were going to bed, and we were always gone somewhere on the weekends. It was really hard not to get to talk to her very often. I would call every so often, but it's hard to talk to someone when they're at work. Plus, international calls are expensive. My only advice is to take it one day at a time. It does eventually get better. Also like the person above me said, ask your family to stop asking when you're coming home. I know when my family would ask me that, it made me feel like I needed to go home. Just take it all one day at a time. It'll all work out in the end.

[Zephii]

This is just one of those great bonuses of doing the long distance thing. For a huge chunk of us, the pain doesn't actually stop once the distance is closed - it just shifts. But the way I look at it is this: Your family are where you come from, and where you return when the shit hits the fan. But, you can't make your own family with them. And for most people, once you leave the nest, their role in your life changes. There's less authority but more friendship. To live a happy fulfilling life though, we need to be able to move forward - we need to move away for college love or travel. We need to figure out who we are when we're not just a branch of our family tree.
I feel you're lucky in that if you wanted to (and had the money) you could do a weekend trip. And if you move and settle where he is, you'll likely budget money for frequent trips home that will soothe your soul. That's a huge gift though. For international couples, you can't pull that off. You know you can't visit and be back for work on Monday.

As others have said, it being your first long trip away from home alone, it will be harder. It gets easier after this, for both you and your family. It would also be easier (I suspect) if you knew when you were going home. Suddenly you'd have a time limit, and that might give you the incentive to live each day to the fullest knowing exactly when you'd see the family again.

[digitalfever]

This may sound harsh but I really think you need to stick it out for a few more days. This situation reminds me of what I called “Summer Camp Syndrome”. There was always that one kid that for the first few days or even few weeks was miserable. They didn’t want to go swimming, crafts were totally out of the question and don’t even think about eating because nothing was as good as the food at home. But eventually they slowly made friends, they started dipping their feet in the water, and they had a suitcase full of crafts to bring home to their parents…and food… my gosh have you ever seen a kid go up for a fifth helping of Mac n’ Cheese.

Obviously this situation isn’t like summer camp but this is your first major trip away from home and if you think about it as an experience it may get better. We all miss our family, we all love our family but sometimes to grow as individuals we have to learn to be without them. That doesn’t mean you don’t miss them and that doesn’t mean they don’t miss you what it does mean is that you learn to live your life, experience and enjoy!

Know that your family will be there, they are a phone call, twitter reply, or facebook poke away! You can do this... you totally got it.

[Tooki]

And yet I'm the complete opposite and love being in a different place!

My mentality is that home is home, and it is always there. Instead of thinking about what you don't have from home (your family), think about what you have with him (your boyfriend).

And you are younger yeah? It is understandable that you feel this way. But just wait it out. Once you get through the withdrawal stage, you will be fine.

[Dziubka]

And yet I'm the complete opposite and love being in a different place!

My mentality is that home is home, and it is always there. Instead of thinking about what you don't have from home (your family), think about what you have with him (your boyfriend).

I'm the same. I don't think I've ever been homesick. I mean I get sad sometimes when I'm away from home and then I usually wish I was at home, but I have bad days at home, too and then I wish I were somewhere else.

But when my boyfriend moved in with me, for the first weeks, he was sort of miserable as well. He has visited before and he had classes, so it was not like he was in a strange place with nothing to do.
He still kept saying that he didn't like it, that he wanted to go home as soon as possible and that he didn't understand why he came out here in the first place. It changed after like two months I think and now he's really happy here.

Like digitalfever said: you need to stick it out. Find things you like about where you are, make friends, find a new hobby or sport. If you want to stay there, find out how to go on about getting into college there or finding a job, etc.

[ushiwakafox]

I feel for you, I experienced the same thing. Most of us have.
Our relationship went from CD to LD when my military dad was ordered overseas, and the rest of the family was able to go with him so of course we did. I really wanted to stay with my SO and start college in the area, but I had just graduated high school (at 17) and my family and my SO all thought it would be better if I went with my family and started college abroad. I didn't like the decision, but it was the most responsible decision. It was tough to deal with, but being with my family when I started college helped me to adjust to the workload better than if it were otherwise. I ended up transferring to a university in the city when I came of age (18). Since then my family is back in the country so I get to see them a few times out of the year, but I always have a very difficult time dealing with the separation for a good week. What helps me is school, keeping busy.

Now I'm not saying staying with your family is what you need to do. I do think you should weigh out your wants and needs and take a look at your responsibilities. Vacationing is much different than real life. Suppose you do stay with your SO. Then what? Get a job and go to school part time? A lot of people never do end up going to school because they get stuck having to deal with life. Living with your family would ease that possibility out. A lot of the time the most responsible decision is also the hardest one.

Just some things to think about. It's definitely not a decision to be made when you're emotionally stressed.
Hope everything goes well

[ordbkk89]

Ah, you are not alone! Sometimes it just helps a little to know that...? I'm actually on my way out the door, so want to come back and reply more in a bit. As a reference, I'm from Illinois, USA, and have been in Bangkok, Thailand for the past 2 months visiting my SO. MANY ups and downs...I will share more later. Hang in there!

[kteire]

I know the feeling, although to be honest I have never been homesick after a short period of time! It gets easier, I assure you. I haven't been home since February and won't be home until September at the earliest (and god knows when after that!!), so I get missing home.

That being said, since it's your first time being away from home for so long, it's going to be a bit hard. Once the initial excitement wears off it's hard to not think about home, but it'll be easier in a day or two. Just push through feeling unhappy, and it'll be so worth it. You'll regret it immensely if you go home early, and by the end of your trip, you'll be homesick for your SO's place, haha.

Good luck

[ordbkk89]

Sorry about that quick post and delay... Anywho continuing on!

Homesickness can really suck- as others have said, you are definitely not alone in this and having these confusing feelings. I think as cliche as it sounds, there is some truth that it is human nature to have what you don't want/be where you can't be, etc.

It's really great that your SO and his family seem so supportive of you and truly want what is best for you. Do you think that you may be able to speak to your own family about your feelings? I don't mean to imply that they aren't being supportive of you in any way, but maybe them asking you when you're returning and bringing up school starting is only adding to your anxiety. They are being honest in saying they miss you and want what's best for you, but need to also realize you are growing up, in a mature relationship, and need to figure things out on your own.

I agree with others that you should try and stick it out. Remember that doesn't mean you must stay there and will feel this way forever! Another way to look at it is "one day at a time." Or even just one hour at a time. Really. When you're so mixed up and emotional, it may not be the best time to make bigger decisions, much like others have said. Therefore, instead of trying to tackle it all in one big attempt, just take baby steps. When you start to feel anxious, try and remind yourself, "I've felt this way before. I have been here for 3 weeks now already, and will continue to survive. I am with my boyfriend who loves me, his family that cares about me, and I can go home whenever I wish. For today, I will take advantage of my immediate surroundings to the best of my ability." Gradually it will get easier, even though it may take longer than you hope. I promise.

I hope this post helps at least a little! Please feel free to pm me anytime as I am also in a similar situation. It helps to know there are others that are in similar spots and we can do out best to offer additional support to each other

[MissVampyxo]

Thanks to everyone for your kind responses, it has been a month and 2 days since I've been here and I'm feeling a lot better. I like it here, but I still do think about going home to just visit soon because I miss it. My family is still making it hard on me and I'm just again missing my nephew and feel bad for not being in his life anymore.
What I'm just worried about now is that I'm only 17, I won't even be able to make steps into moving until I'm 18, right? Technically it's not even legal for me to be here, is it? Obviously my parents let me come here, etc. I just don't know what to do or if I can even do the whole declaration of domicile, etc since I'm still 17! Does anyone have and advice or know about this?

[Sora1101]

What I'm just worried about now is that I'm only 17, I won't even be able to make steps into moving until I'm 18, right? Technically it's not even legal for me to be here, is it? Obviously my parents let me come here, etc. I just don't know what to do or if I can even do the whole declaration of domicile, etc since I'm still 17! Does anyone have and advice or know about this?

It's not against the law to live away from home be it in the same state or a different one, if you can manage living on your own then it doesn't matter how old you are, it'll be way easier for you to rent an apartment if you're 18 but it's not impossible to do at 17.

[Kiyama]

I can understand your feelings. Honestly I don't know if I would have been ready to move out and far away for my family at the age of 17. I think you are very bold and I admire that
A good thing to fight. Homesickness is to get busy and involved in your new life. Do you have a job there or plan to study? You could also join a meet up group for people who are new in the area. It's always nice to know someone who is in the same boat
When I moved to England for a year I was miserable the first few days but then uni started and I got to know all these amazing people who experienced the same and I was so busy and everything started to be exciting. Sometimes it's a matter of perspective. This doesn't have to be forever so try and not dwell on it and see it as an adventure