I'm finally visiting him...

[hope92]

This coming weekend will be the first time that I go and visit my boyfriend; he has visited me twice. Keep in mind that we were CD when our relationship began. I am specifically going to visit him because it is his 21st birthday, and I was coincidentally able to find a ride to his city with a friend of mine.

So he is having a birthday party on Saturday night, where he plans on having his first drink (and he will most likely, definitely end up drunk). I was already dreading this, because I am 20 and will not be drinking, and usually feel pretty awkward in these situations. But I'm totally fine with him celebrating his 21st the way it should be celebrated, and I am glad I will be able to be there for it, and with him.

However, the day after his party (Sunday), my friend/ride back home is leaving at 12 noon. Considering his party will last quite late, and he is sure to wake up with a hangover...I really would rather not have to leave so early. What am I supposed to do? Wake him up, peace out and then not see him for several more weeks?

My dad said that he could drive and meet us at the halfway point between our two cities to bring me home on Sunday evening. This would give us practically the entire day on Sunday to be together and ALONE (rather than the probable 0 time we'll spend otherwise, because he'll probably be asleep/out of it). However, this would also require my boyfriend to drive me to this point. Considering it is only an hour and a half drive to this point, I thought it would be no issue. But when I brought it up, my boyfriend said that he would "rather not", therefore...I guess I'll be leaving at noon.

Also adding to the frustration: we were planning out our weekend over Skype...and he seems to be avoiding all opportunities for intimacy. He already told me that his apartment bed is "too small" for us to share...yet we have slept together several times before in his college dorm bed. The fact that he doesn't want to/we won't be sleeping together this weekend upset me...but I still thought we'd get intimate. Yet he wants to go see a movie, go out for food, hangout downtown, go mini golfing, go swimming (in addition to his party where there will be a ton of his friends)...it all sounds FUN, and I love being with him, but I've been craving him pretty badly lately...and I just kinda sorta WANT him.

I know for a fact that I do NOT want to do anything with him when he is intoxicated, and I am not. It just won't feel right to me. But I'm sure he'll want to. And what if that ends up being the ONE time this weekend that we'll have time to?

It's his birthday weekend. I want him to be in charge. He wants to do all of these things. But I may go crazy if we don't get to, at the very least, make out... I mean, heck! We'll be at HIS apartment. He lives with one other person... But it would be far more easier to hook up at than my parent's house that he's visited the past two times... I guess I was just hoping for a nice, relaxing weekend at his apartment, just the two of us (with the exception of his party)...rather than going out and doing things we can do during the school year since he lives in our college town. But I'm going to be there for such a limited amount of time this weekend, and I don't want to feel/sound controlling...

[Zephii]

First up, I want to say that it's really smart of him to not drive you the day after his party. It takes a while to get alcohol out of your system. He might feel fine, but chances are he'll still be over the limit. (I don't know what the limit is over there, but here, it's not worth the risk of being caught by the RBT or you know, crashing )

Other than that, I think there needs to be some clear communication and compromise. Next time you're talking about your weekend try "That's great, but let's make time to fuck too!" There's NOTHING wrong with being blunt. If you want something, you need to say it. If you're insecure, you need to say that too. Try "I'm feeling rejected because you don't want to share a bed with me while I'm there. I'm wondering if something has changed to make you feel this way?"

On the drinking front, I never used to drink, so I know what it's like to be sober Martha at the party. And now I'm knocked up... The other night for example, Obi and his work mates had a red carpet screening of the film they'd worked on, and free drinks down at the harbour.I went along like a good trophy wife and earnt my brownie points, but being the only sober person can really make the evening drag. I know technically it's illegal for you to drink over there (and I don't really understand how you can legally be an adult but the government says your can't drink?? but that's beside the point) but I'm guessing the party isn't at a pub because otherwise you couldn't go at all... so, why don't you just have one or two to get into the spirit of it and make it less awkward for you? I'm not saying "bugger the law, get trashed!" but one or two responsible drinks wont hurt you and might help you loosen up a little. (Make sure you feel safe and watch your glass etc. I'm sure you know how to party responsibly)

Hmm sex when drunk. Well, for some guys they can't get it up when they are plastered so you wouldn't have to worry... for the rest... well perhaps that's part of why he doesn't want to be in the same bed with you this time? Maybe he knows you wont be into it and he will, and thus doesn't want the temptation there when his resolve and self control are compromised.
Is there a reason you're uncomfortable with having sex with him when he's drunk? Assuming you've had sex together before, and you say he'd be into it, and you wouldn't be taking advantage of him, what's the problem? (I'm a bit dense sometimes, I know).

I'm wondering if maybe it wouldn't be better for you to go up on a different weekend if this isn't your kind of thing? I know you said you want to go because it's his birthday - but that also seems to be what's causing the issues here.

On drinking - Give him a vitamin B supplement before he goes out, another before bed and one upon waking in the morning. And try to get him to drink water in between his alcoholic drinks and a big glass before bed when he gets home. He will thank you for it the next day.

[hope92]

Wow, thanks for all of your input! A lot of that helped, made me feel better.

Unfortunately, his party will be at a public place. It's at a brewery-type restaurant where you can get in if you're under 21 if you're with people who are over 21. So that's why it will/could be an issue for me to drink...although I really wish I could, because I do think it would help.

Would it be rude of me to ask if he could buy me something? Or if I could try some of his? It's not my big birthday, it's his...

Sex while drunk...well...I just feel like when we're sober, we have sex out of love. If he's drunk, I feel like he'll be doing/wanting it completely out of intoxication. But then again, I've never consumed alcohol before, so maybe it's too quick of me to assume that??

[Zephii]

I don't know how other people do it, but I'm always eating off Obi's plate and drinking half his drinks So I figure, you could just give him a $20 and say "I'm likely to sample some of your drinks seeming I can't have my own" or he can use that to get you your own. I think he'd be more likely to appreciate you joining in the "fun" than to think you're rude.

I find sometimes sex is for love, but sometimes it's because it feels good. Heck, sometimes sex is because I'm angry and I need a violent place to express that. There's lots of different kinds of sex. Drunk sex, surprisingly, can be extra loving for those people who have a wall inside them - they open up more and express their feelings. I'd say don't rule it out, just see how you feel about it when you get there.

[Anna N' Luc]

Wow, thanks for all of your input! A lot of that helped, made me feel better.

Unfortunately, his party will be at a public place. It's at a brewery-type restaurant where you can get in if you're under 21 if you're with people who are over 21. So that's why it will/could be an issue for me to drink...although I really wish I could, because I do think it would help.

Would it be rude of me to ask if he could buy me something? Or if I could try some of his? It's not my big birthday, it's his...

Sex while drunk...well...I just feel like when we're sober, we have sex out of love. If he's drunk, I feel like he'll be doing/wanting it completely out of intoxication. But then again, I've never consumed alcohol before, so maybe it's too quick of me to assume that??

I think Zephii covered most of it. I just wanted to say that I wouldn't get him to get you a drink, not because it would be rude or anything, mainly because if he got caught giving alcohol to a minor, he could get in a lot of trouble. Maybe ask him if you can have a quick drink BEFORE the party, so you have a bit of a buzz. I hope everything goes well for you

[digitalfever]

I know for a fact that I do NOT want to do anything with him when he is intoxicated, and I am not. It just won't feel right to me. But I'm sure he'll want to. And what if that ends up being the ONE time this weekend that we'll have time to?

Some of the best sex in the world occurred while one party couldn't even write their name on a piece of paper. I can understand your reservations though. When he's sober I'd just grind on him and tease him.

[Tooki]

I don't think there is anything wrong with drunken sex. You still love the guy right? It isn't like he is some random person who you don't know.

It's like having sex with a paper bag on your heads or in a new surrounding. Same thing, different taste.

My missus was kind of like yourself. She was quite reserved and stubborn in regards to certain sexual things, but she opened up to it once she experienced it first hand.

[Darth_Taco]

I've had sex while Enrique was drunk and I saw sober. It made his hangover more hilarious for me and painful for him :P. I've tried while I was drunk, but I get the worst whiskey dick XP.

I'd avoid drinking his drink while you're out. If you're caught, you can get everyone kicked out. Regardless, it's illegal in most cities to be drunk in public so don't expect people to get hammered. If they do, your biggest worry is to make sure they don't end up arrested or buying a hawk XP.

As for the lack of humping, I'm going with Miriam (Zephii :P) and just be blunt about it. "Hey, I've noticed that in this entire weekend visit you're left absolutely no time for sex. I know this is your weekend, but that's kind of messed up. Gimme some lovin' before I turn into The Hulk!" Then I suggest buying him these to forever turn it into a terrible inside joke :P.

Now for the sleeping together. Remind him how little time you spend together as it is. If he insists his bed is too small, double sleeping bags @_@. Enrique and I have done that, and it was freaking magical! D:<

[Zephii]

Then I suggest buying him these to forever turn it into a terrible inside joke

This is gold.