New to LDR and in need of some support.

[foreverhiskitty]

So I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and do to a lot of dramatic issues he had to move away for and undetermined amount of time. We have been inseparable all through our relationship and i'm now finding out how hard it is to not have my other half around. Does anyone have any ways of coping or words of advice?

[Zapookie]

Hello and welcome to LFAD

The best thing I can suggest is to keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with family and friends, keep up your hobbies, and try and stay positive. It will be really difficult at first, but slowly you will adjust to not having him around. Try and keep communication open and honest. The best way to talk are phone calls, skyping, or IMs/emails (although this might be difficult if he's in an area with limited internet access as many people all over the globe are). You can always send letters, too, if you want to go the old fashioned route

It's okay to be nervous and insecure at times. But it's always important to talk to your boyfriend whenever you're feeling like this. Discuss ways you can both contribute to helping strengthen your relationship.

Good luck

[foreverhiskitty]

I keep busy as much as possible but nights are the hardest time to stay positive and as much as I hate it i'm still at the point where i'm terrified he won't come back for me even though he says he will. We talk every day but sometimes just hearing his voice makes me cry.

[Zapookie]

I keep busy as much as possible but nights are the hardest time to stay positive and as much as I hate it i'm still at the point where i'm terrified he won't come back for me even though he says he will. We talk every day but sometimes just hearing his voice makes me cry.

I know, it was like that for me too. When my SO left, I didn't know when I'd see him again. I cried for two weeks. It was hard to skype with him because seeing/hearing him would make me upset. After that, I was OK. He actually was a lot worse for wear than I was and for longer. But we kept talking, I helped him find a job, he worked and saved up enough to come back here.

This time will pass. You're in a tough stage right now and how you're feeling is normal. How long ago has it been since he has left? What was the reason he had to leave? One thing that keeps a lot of people going is having plans to see each other again, or at least taking the steps to make those plans happen.

[foreverhiskitty]

He left about a month ago because he lost his job and apartment and had no where to go. I live with my parents because I am in college and there is no room for him at my house(it's real small and we hardly make it with money week to week) and his aunt in Arkansas offered him a place to stay to help him get back on his feet.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

It'll feel extra painful in the beginning, but soon you'll be able to continue your life around that pain. You say the hardest time is at night; I'd imagine right as you're trying to fall asleep? Try sleeping while spooning with a pillow, or ask him for a shirt or something to sleep with so you have a bit of him with you. If he's ever given you a stuffed animal or anything, cuddle with that.

Do you have any idea of when you'll see him next? For my SO and I at least, it's a lot easier to deal with being apart when we have something to look forward to.

I'd also suggest having planned video calls (I prefer skype) as date nights. It's something to look forward to. That's especially a good idea if you aren't sure when you'll next be able to be together.

I'm sorry that you and your SO are apart. The most important thing now is trying to create a new routine. Once you get used to it..well, it doesn't suck any less, but it's something you end up getting used to. I hope your SO's economic situation gets better soon.

[foreverhiskitty]

We are hoping to see each other for christmas but it all depends on money, and were also hoping to video on skype as soon as he gets internet. Oh and i made sure to steel one of his shirts before he left and his pillow and he claimed mine.

[littleblue]

He left about a month ago because he lost his job and apartment and had no where to go. I live with my parents because I am in college and there is no room for him at my house(it's real small and we hardly make it with money week to week) and his aunt in Arkansas offered him a place to stay to help him get back on his feet.

Try and look at the more positive points. I know its really really hard, but it can help you to see a light at the end of the tunnel. He has somewhere to stay for now to get himself back on his feet, which will hopefully bring him back to you in the long run.

I was in pretty much exactly the same situation 8 months ago, and my SO had to move back home overseas too to work and save some money. I'm not sure when he's coming back still, he was meant to be gone for 3 months but its been 8 so far and I'm not gonna lie, they've been difficult . Like you, I've to get through college on a broke budget as well as dealing with being apart from my boyfriend

When my SO first left, I cried for 2 days solid, and realised i had to pull myself out of it. It might sound sad, but I wrote a list of everything I wanted to do - get fit, eat more healthily, learn to cook more stuff... and then other things like I really wanted to learn how to update old furniture. And then I spent about 5 hours on StumbleUpon and found a million more things I wanted to do! And it also gives me something to tell my boyfriend.

I find nights the hardest too. My newest way to deal with it is reading, because it distracts me and makes me tired enough to be able to sleep!!

Just try to keep the faith in your relationship. You will get better at coping, and time will tell what will happen. Make sure you keep up communication. Don't be afraid to tell him how you're feeling, and try to see each other whenever possible. If you can try to plan things, you will be surprised at how fast the time goes in between.

I really hope things get better for you and your SO

[xopookie]

I know that's has to be really tough! But you know what you can make it through this. You'll go through an acceptance period of where you'll realize you're in a LDR and you have to go through it! Also you can use "Special websites" with you have other needs as well Other than that, you have this forum to help you and what makes this LDR easier is planning out where and when me and honey are going to live together again! Overall, hang in there!

[tanaquil]

I feel like I'm in the exact same situation as you. Here's from someone who's on the rather extreme side of emotions, hehe:

Personally, I don't cope as well as I'd like to when I'm back home -- I sometimes go into my room to cry for two minutes and then leave, repeatedly, and it's been 3 months since we've been LDR'd. But I've had really good days when I'm at school. If you're in school or have a job, it DEFINITELY helps you take your mind off things. Go out with friends! Talk about their problems and try to help them (: The best way to feel better is to help other people.

I'm currently volunteering in an orphanage and, for the few hours I'm there, I don't think about my boyfriend at all and, strangely enough, it's a refreshing feeling to have them off your mind for a bit and to be completely by yourself. Try volunteering for something or doing something to help others it really is amazing.