I almost feel as though things were better LDR

[sarahrosestevey]

Not entirely too sure where to put this, but if this is in the wrong area let me know!

It's been three weeks since my SO and I have closed the distance. I moved home, in with my father, and my SO lives a few miles away. Ten minute drive, we'll say. And I thought I would be over the moon, but I'm not.

We see each other maybe three times a week, and some of those are just a quick catch up. The thing I'm struggling with, is the going from communicating each night for an hour or so, and pretty much texting or keeping in touch during the whole day. Now that I am here, I feel as though he thinks he doesn't have to make any effort, so I don't hear from him hardly unless it's before I am meant to come over/we are about to meet up. For example, I stayed with him Friday night, left Saturday afternoon and now I haven't heard from him at all.

I understand the communication isn't as vital, but it really is effecting me quite a lot - it's like he is now thinking he has all of this "free time" at nights etc that he spends doing other things. It's just a little disheartening, and he seems so happy with the situation.

Just wanted to see if anyone has been through this, or their opinions on it? I will have to talk to him soon, but I feel annoyed he hasn't been in touch with me for the last three days/nights..

I'm currently on the job hunt, so hopefully things will get better once I have something to do. I need to start making friends also, seeing as all of them are away at university/no longer living in my hometown.

Sorry for the ramble. <3

[Zephii]

I've never been through this, but when we closed the distance, adjusting was hard. There were times I thought maybe we weren't suited for CDR. It takes a while to make a new groove, that's all.

Can you go with him while he's doing these "other things" is there something you can be sharing together?

Seeming you've closed the distance, you should let Michelle know and come join us in the Alumini section.

[temporaryuser]

is he happy that he doesnt have to spend so much time talking to you, or happy that you are close enough that he can just come by and see you? I am sure he doesnt see it as haveing "all this free time" now that you are close. But now that you are close, I wouldnt necessarily expect to have those hours long conversations. In LD, thats the only thing we have, and we come to depend on it so much.
Find something to keep yourself busy, so that you do have something to talk about when you are together.
Go exercise, take up a hobby, get a job, a new area of study etc

[Snowlilly]

I guess my question would be why do you only see each other 3 days a week? Is he going to school, then working? For me it would depend on what is going on in his life. There is bound to be some adjustment once you have closed the distance but should still have date nights especially if you are not living together. Again, would be curious as what he is doing with his time.

[sewbama]

It's just an adjustment period. But that doesn't mean you have to sit and deal with it. Talk to him. Tell him that you want to see him more, or maybe still have phone conversations at night. You have to let him know. And maybe you guys could try to spend more of your down time together. When he's just hanging out at home, go be with him. But definitely talk to him about how you feel.

ETA: Definitely have a date night, too. It doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of money, but, if schedules allow, go out every week. Or stay in. But have a designated date night. I've lived with my SO for a little over a year after being LD for six months. I started grad school right when we moved in together, and got a job. I felt like I saw him more when we were LD because we always had the weekend. So make it like that. Make it so you always have Sunday or Friday, or whatever day works. Over the summer (he worked, I did nothing), we had a date every Friday. So even if he had a new game he was excited about or he was really busy with work, we always knew we'd have a few hours together. It helps a lot.

[Jgui]

I guess my question would be why do you only see each other 3 days a week? Is he going to school, then working?

I wonder the same.. But also, from my past CDR i feel people tend to take things for granted. All of my previous relationships were CD and i'll admit, we don't cherish the times we spend together nearly as much as being LD. But it isn't impossible to keep the spark alive, have date nights and plan things to do over the weekends.

Also, have you tried talking to him about how you're feeling? We tend to forget that no one is a mind reader so if we don't speak what is on our minds, the other person may never know. Nonetheless, you can also keep yourself busy to minimize the worry and stress; get a job or pick up a new hobby, anything to keep yourself busy when he isn't around.

Bottom line, i hope things will work out for you and your SO

[ushiwakafox]

My SO and I are also fairly close by. Maybe like a 15 minute drive. We always text constantly, but we never webcam anymore. It's unnecessary because we are able to keep constant contact through texting that we didn't have the luxury of before. I know my SO worries about me all the time because I live by myself, so he talks to me a lot to kinda keep tabs on me. We talked less often when I was with my parents because he knew that I was always able to eat, I was always safe. Maybe your SO feels the same way. Of course he still needs to put more effort to talk to you more often.

And honestly, couldn't this still be considered a LDR? Definitely easier to deal with than looooong distance, but it's still distance nonetheless. Therefor I think some things that people do in a LDR still apply when they close the distance, but don't live together.

[sarahrosestevey]

Sorry, I haven't been on here for the last wee while - busy job hunting and whatnot.

My boyfriend studies full time - so from 8-4.30pm Monday to Friday he is busy with classes. After class, he has a lot of study to do. He also is a competitive cyclist, so has to do 4 x 3hr cycling sessions, as well as the gym. And his friends. I am guessing it is hard for him to now balance me, seeing as I have been thrown in the mix.

I must update though - things are a lot better. We are in our routine, I stay with him around 3-4 nights a week, and if he's bsuy we will grab lunch together. Another way to spend time is that we have joined the same gym, so we go along together.

Sorry for my rant, and thank you all so much for your help. I finally feel more settled, and so appreciative that we have closed the distance now. I cant wait till you all can join me in this feeling too! Thank you! <3

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I'm glad to read that things are starting to settle down with you and your SO

[digitalfever]

Sorry, I haven't been on here for the last wee while - busy job hunting and whatnot.

My boyfriend studies full time - so from 8-4.30pm Monday to Friday he is busy with classes. After class, he has a lot of study to do. He also is a competitive cyclist, so has to do 4 x 3hr cycling sessions, as well as the gym. And his friends. I am guessing it is hard for him to now balance me, seeing as I have been thrown in the mix.

I must update though - things are a lot better. We are in our routine, I stay with him around 3-4 nights a week, and if he's bsuy we will grab lunch together. Another way to spend time is that we have joined the same gym, so we go along together.

Sorry for my rant, and thank you all so much for your help. I finally feel more settled, and so appreciative that we have closed the distance now. I cant wait till you all can join me in this feeling too! Thank you! <3

I really just wanted to say that I don't think there was anything wrong with you guys seeing each other three days a week. Life gets in the way and that you guys are just getting used to the routine! I'm glad things are working out though!