Well, crap. Messing things up already!

[k.ferg]

It has been a little over two weeks since Aj left for Haiti. I posted the day of, but I never responded to all the kind words- I was devastated, and holed myself up for quite a while. At the one week mark of his leaving, we celebrated our one year anniversary. It should be a happy time, but it isn't.
I have been taking four summer classes at the local college, working full time, and raising a two year old on my own. To be honest, I am overwhelmed and constantly exhausted. Furthermore, I am pissed. I am pissed because I have to do this all on my own for the next year, I am pissed that I begged him not to take this position and he did anyway, I am pissed that his awesome want to better the lives of Haitians is more important than our relationship.
I know, it is stupid. He is off saving the dang world and here I am complaining. Last night, we got in a huge fight because I got angry with being the one to have to make all the compromises in our relationship. I know that isn't entirely true, but the sacrifices I'm expected to make are so much bigger than the ones he is willing to make. It basically started because I have been asking him to talk to his bosses about coming home a few months early instead of a year (to see me graduate and to prepare for moving to his med school, because if he comes back in July we won't have nearly enough time to plan everything). He wouldn't because he doesn't think they would say yes.
But seriously, I don't understand why he can't make the effort. I am so angry! He tells me he wants to come home and he misses me, but he chooses to stay there, and he chose to leave. Ugh.
I am sorry for the giant vent, but boy I needed to let that out.

[Jayburr]

That sounds really tough I'm sorry you've been left alone to deal with so much...

While this is a really difficult situation for you, I would urge you to put yourself in his shoes. I'm not sure how strong of a relationship you have together, but, is it reasonable to believe that he is doing this so that he can ensure a better more comfortable future with you?

When I got home from visiting my SO recently, I told her I wanted to move to her, immediately lol. She of course said she would love it if I did, but also said she doesn't want me to move there just for her, where I would end up having to start my career over again. I'm pretty settled in my job here at the moment, whereas she is still developing hers...so for me to move to her now, might not be the best decision for the long-term future... Between both of us, we want to better ourselves and set ourselves up to live happily together one day, and for now, that means we will remain at a distance.

I'm sure your SO would rather be with you and not in Haiti, but I think for him, being away from you, working in Haiti...this is HIS sacrifice, in order to one day help provide a great life for you. It's hard, but if spending a year away will possibly mean that you two can spend the rest of your lives feeling happy, comfortable, and secure, isn't that worth it?

[k.ferg]

You are very right. It is definitely about his career, because he wants to have a clinic in Haiti one day (he will be attending med school next year, I will be in nursing school). I think what bothers me the most is that he never puts it like that. When he talks about why he did this, its never about our future, it is only about his. I could definitely see how it COULD be about "us" but I don't think it is for him.
That is definitely the hardest. After being together for a year, I am ready for it to be about our future together, and in every other way he is too.
It is definitely worth it, but it is so, so hard.

My biggest worry, is that he applied to ten med schools and only one is in WA. My transfer has to be used in this state, so I have to stay here. If he doesn't get in to the school here, we will only be together for a couple months when he comes home and then we will be stuck apart for another 2 years.

It's a whole bunch of crap!

[temporaryuser]

I can understand your being overwhelmed. But i dont see how you can be upset with him for you having to do this on your own for the next year.
I am assuming your two year old is not his child?. If thats the case, You need to be happy that he is willing to have been in a relationship with you for the past year. Not many men would take on the responsibility of someone elses child.
You are going to school to better care for you and your child. You work full time because you have to. Unfortunatley, thats life. My SO works over 100 hours a week sometimes (2 jobs), goes to school (masters degree) and has a daughter that he tries to see several times a week. It sucks. And yes, I get upset that he cant just come see me whenever I get to missing him bad.

As for him applying to med school - you pick a specialty and choose schools to apply to based on that specialty. There is a lot more that goes into those applications and it costs a ton of money. So you dont just apply to every school out there. Him going to Haiti is going to look really good to the schools he has applied to, and even better on his resume.

At some point you have to realize that you are both working toward a common goal - bettering your financial situation with education and the ability to find quality employment. Him being close to you or far away isnt really going to matter once he gets into med school. he will eat sleep and constantly have to work to stay in the program. he will have little time for you. And its going to suck - big time. So your best bet is to accept the way things are and be as encouraging as you can, or decide if you cant handle it and move on.

[Zephii]

I think, for him, a year might not be enough to base a future off. A year isn't very long in the big scheme of things.

What did catch my eye was you mentioned he wants to have a clinic in Haiti one day... are you willing to live in Haiti?

If this is his passion, it's a part of who he is. It could be a part you choose to love and embrace, or it could be a part you will never come to terms with. One of the hard parts about relationships is that it's important that we embrace our SO's dreams as our own (and that goes both ways, he should be doing it for you too).

I can understand you being overwhelmed, you have SO MUCH going on and it's commendable that you're holding it all together, but it's not really his job to be your hero. I feel that you're ready for more progression and commitment in this relationship than he is.