We are now on a break for the month of August...

[KyleRivera]

I'm so upset...if you read any of my recent posts, you will know why, but just in case i will shed a little light. I was nervous about coming down to see my gf because I felt like her feelings for me were starting to disappear...so she told me she didn't feel a "connection" anymore and that hurt me so much...Anyway, I came down and am leaving back for home today. I got to her on thursday. I vowed to myself to make her feel the connection again by doing something special for her birthday (yesterday). When I first got down, I felt that she felt the connection again...the next day she started acting weird again...we talked on saturday and she broke my heart by telling me she thinks we need to take a break from each other.

I couldn't help but to cry in front of her when this happened...she wouldn't make eye contact or anything and only cried a little bit...She says in this break, which will take the course of the month of August, we will just talk to each other as we did when we first starting talking before we dated. I feel this may help us but at the same time, I can't help but to think: what if by the end of this month she is like "alright well i still don't feel anything so I can't do this anymore kyle...I am done with you" This would kill me even more so than this break has been making me cry everyday. We made rules to the "break" though; no sex, kissing, flirting, or anything with any other people...this made me feel better...After we had this talk we walked around the mall and seemed to have a really good time, just was awkward to not hold her hand or kiss her...

I mean if in this period she kissed someone, i wouldn't mind that much...but if she has sex with another person than wants to still be with me...I would be so upset. I took her virginity and want to keep it that way...I guess my question would be: How can I make her feel that spark again and come to me or call or text me at the end of the month, or more preferably before the month ends, break and say "oh my god kyle, i miss you so much and can't stand this. I need and want you back in my life and don't want to ever let you go again." And what if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?

I want her to be with me and want me like i want her...I just need her and want her so bad...Is there anything that I can do to fix this?

[rawrimolivia]

That sounds really bad. I'm really sorry that you two went on a break especially since you just went and visited her, you think that would have been enough for her to be like "omg he's here that's awesome" Especially if you're putting in money and time to go see her. To be honest, you put so much thought and love and time into that relationship and she just doesn't seem to care at all, which is unfortunate. So many girls would die to have a guy like you in their lives and it seems that she's done with it. Also, it may be harsh but not a lot of breaks work, and it sucks. I know you want her back and that you love her and you need her in your life, but she just seems to be pulling away more, rather than trying to make things better. Especially if she didn't even act very upset about the whole "break". I feel like breaks sometimes are a way for people to move on, which is why I don't agree with them. I would LOVE to give you good news, it just doesn't sound that way. I mean things may work out with you and she may come running back and she just may be going through some stuff on her own that she needs to separate herself from, just from what it sounds like is that she's pulling away. I feel like you deserve someone who's going to put in as much effort as you do, it's not fair for her to do that. In my beliefs, everything happens for a reason, so if you don't end up together just remember it's not going to the be the end of the world, even if it feels like it. Trust me, I've been through my share of break ups, and they feel like complete crap, but if she's not going to be putting in effort, why should you?

[KyleRivera]

I understand where your coming from. But in her defense, I know that she is going through A LOT right now. She is trying to move out of her moms house, finishing up summer classes (she is also on academic probation so that makes it more stressful), She has to pay to get her car fixed, and so much more. So with that, I kind of understand that this break MAY be beneficial, and I truely believe that we are meant to be together. We dated for about 2 weeks about 4 years ago, then she left me because I was waaay to much for her. She eventually came back to me and we have been together for a little over 7 months now. But ever since that conversation I had with her where I really messed up and said those things that I DID NOT mean, thats where she started to have the feelings she has now.

In my eyes, I am the one who messed up my own relationship and it kills me knowing this. I really believe that this break may work, even though I agree with you on the whole break thing. I think it may work because she knows a bunch of friends who had taken breaks and after they took a break, they realized how bad they wanted each other and everything has been "perfect" for them ever since. She is easily influenced about these things so I feel as if since she believes that this break will be highly beneficial, that this will work because I will always feel for her as I do now. Even if we broke up and I found someone and she called me up and was like "oh my god kyle, I messed up so bad and want you back," I know it sounds messed up, but I would leave that person just to be with her again.

I just really hope this "break" does work and she gets her feelings for me back. Although, when we had that talk, she did tell me that she loves me and still does...so I guess that means something. Also, the fact that she is willing to try this break just to make things better again, in my eyes, it shows she will stay with me. I just have a deep feeling that she will stay with me...I just hope it is true.

[FierceFoxie]

I'm sorry Kyle but when someone says they need a break, the relationship is over. I wouldn't keep your hopes up high that she is going to suddenly realize what she is missing out on or that her feelings have been rekindled. When someone wants a break, it's because there is usually someone else they are interested in. If she really loved you, she would not dare take the chance of losing you by asking for a break. She may be legitimately confused in what she wants but don't hold your breath that she is coming back. You will do yourself some good to accept it not as a break but as an end and try to move forward. Try new hobbies and interests and should she decide to contact you and rekindle things, then great but if not, well you already would have started to take care of YOU.

[Anna N' Luc]

I don't think a break is necessarily a bad thing, they can help people realise what they're missing but how are you supposed to realise what you're missing if you still talk everyday? I think a break should be just that, a break. Still no hooking up with other people if that's what you decide on but not every day contact. Maybe a how're you going email every now and then but breaks are not going to work if nothing has changed except the fact that you don't have sex.

[Moon]

Kyle, sometimes, especially when you're young, feelings change. There may not be any rhyme or reason for it, and you may have done everything right, but it happens, and that's what this kinda seems like here. I think the only thing you can do to "fix" it is to give her the August break she's asked for, but for your own sake, do not let it go past August 31st. September 1, you get your answer.

Also, I don't think it's a great idea to continue talking all the time during this break, and pretending you aren't in a relationship, sorry but that's kinda silly, and what purpose can that possibly serve? I'm not saying to cut contact, but you should really limit it, otherwise what sense does the break make? All it will do is prolong your agony, while she gets the benefit of still having someone to talk to.

During the break, if that's what it really is, start doing things on your own, and get used to the idea. It won't hurt any less, but you can begin to heal if things don't work, oftentimes breaks don't, they usually come about because someone is afraid to break up in a mature, adult manner. I'm sorry, I wish you the best.

[heathergro]

I'm sorry that you're going through this... I was actually wondering what had happened with you guys since your last post where you weren't sure if you were still going to go visit her. While my boyfriend and I didn't take a break, we've been going through a bit of a rough patch because of his stress with work, combined with his being lonely/depressed without me and his trying to get past something I did that really hurt him. I didn't intend for it to hurt him, but it did... and far worse than I could have imagined because we just sort of glossed over it and went about life. I suffer from anxiety, had low self-esteem and haven't had the greatest experience with guys before him, so a lot of our relationship, he was constantly reassuring me of his feelings to calm my anxiety. It actually ended up causing some problems with us and then, once the rough patch was brought to my attention and we talked about it, I found myself suddenly without that constant reassurance/validation. It freaked me out so much, having him be a completely different way than I'm used to, and it was really hard to deal with. I kept thinking that he was going to drop everything we had and would make myself so, so upset over it. I had to accept responsibility for what happened and forgive myself for it, then learn how to stand on my own feet without him, to make MYSELF happy, not just constantly lean on him for support. Things are starting to get better now, slowly but surely, and sometimes it's hard to be patient and positive because I want things to be the way they used to be again, but I have faith we'll get there. I think that, during this break, you need to do the same thing I've been doing... and it's going to be hard. It's easy to beat yourself up and blame yourself and press her for that reassurance that you need, but you need to focus on yourself right now. Force yourself to get out and do things, stay busy so you don't overthink and freak yourself out about where your relationship could be going. That's not going to make things any better when it sounds like she's under a lot of stress with everything else going on. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.

[Zapookie]

You keep saying that you want to make her feel the same way about you again, but there is simply no way to do that. A person is going to feel feelings and sometimes those feelings wane or they change into something else.

You also say that your love for her will never change and that you'd leave the person you were with if she told you she wanted to be with you again, but another thing is that you can't predict the future. There's no way to be sure that you will love her forever, and you can't say that you would leave someone to be with her, because who knows, you might just find a girl one day who will reciprocate your love and trust so deeply that you'll wonder what you ever saw in her.

[Jayburr]

Kyle,

Like heathergro, I was also wondering what happened to you too! Thank you for updating us, even if it isn't the best news, I'm very sorry about the whole break thing...

I gotta be honest though dude, any break I've ever had with an ex has only rekindled the relationship again temporarily, but soon enough, maybe after a few weeks of being back 'together,' we went back to the same old problems we had before. We'd be totally 100% happy for 3 weeks, no worries at all, and then out of nowhere, we'd be back to arguing about the same crap again. Not saying that all breaks turn out this way...in fact I'd be more inclined to believe that I just happened to be dating some girls that were simply impossible to please, but as some others have said, I'd treat it like a break up. You're going to drive yourself insane treating it like just a break because you're always going to be wondering what she's doing, what she's thinking, wondering when she might come back to you... Really man, just treat it like a break up. You'll be doing yourself a favor and, in time, it will help by keeping you from weighing yourself down with unnecessary anxiety and stress.

If she comes back to you, great! If not, and she says she doesn't want to continue, it won't hurt so bad because you will have treated it as if you had already broken up a month earlier.

[rixue]

I was wondering what happened with you two. Sorry to hear about the break!

Give her the break she wants and limit contact with her. If you keep talking like you still do it will most likely feel as if you are still in a relationship. This is especially true with LDRs. In my past CDR my ex broke up with me because he "didn't feel a connection" and still wanted to be friends. We still hung out and texted all of the time, so to me it still seemed like we were dating but we were not. He got the joys of dating me (minus physical contact, flirting, etc.) with no commitment whatsoever. In the end all it left me with was heartache and holding onto a shred of hope that we would be together again someday. In the end we got back together a year later for a month then he dumped me for the same reason, then got engaged three months later...he ended up being a complete player and jackass but that is besides the point.

I wasted a year of my life not looking at any other guy that wanted to date me. I always made myself available for him so I missed out on fun times with friends and doing things I loved. Nothing good came out of keeping constant contact. My advice is start doing things on your own, you can focus on you now! Since you are on a break you don't have to be tied to a computer during all of your free time to talk with her. Do not make yourself available to her 24/7. Go out and have fun with friends or do some hobby you haven't done in awhile. If she texts you you do not have to respond right away (I am not saying ignore her) but she can wait if you are busy with something else.

This reminds me of a quote.."If you let love free…It will come back to you, If it doesn’t come back… it was never yours in the first place." If she wants to get back together with you after the break that is great! If she does not then maybe it was not ment to be. I hope everything works out for you in the end!

[Jayburr]

"If you let love free…It will come back to you, If it doesn’t come back… it was never yours in the first place."

I like this

[KyleRivera]

Thank you all so much! Your words are very helpful in my situation, although it may hurt to go and do the things you all suggest doing, they are still helpful. I mean, I know that contact between us both will not be the same as before on account of how busy I know she will be during this month of August. Just as I had a deep dark feeling in my gut that she was going to break up with me or something bad in general, I have a similar deep gut feeling, only this one is not dark. Like I said, she tends to be easily influenced by things that happen to others and apply them to herself. The reason why I say that is because she knows a couple of friends that were going through tough times and they took a break and they all ended up getting back together and now everything for them is perfect. If she believes this to be true, I am pretty positive that it will end up being the same in our case. The mind is a very powerful organ, if you believe you can do something, almost 100% of the time, it can and will be done (depending on what it may be...if you thik you can Bench 900 lbs. and you have never benched before, you can't do that haha).

I just hope that she does come to her senses during this break and tells me she wants and needs me back. One main thing that upset her is how she feels like she was constantly doing all the chasing. So I am going to show her that is not true and I will chase her like I never chased anyone before! She already knows my feelings for her so I won't go and gush to have her not reply or hurt my feelings by not returning it, but I will not back down...I really deeply feel that we WILL get better and become one again. I just can't let her go or get her out of my mind no matter how hard I try...

[Jayburr]

That's great! I'm glad she told you what she felt was lacking (i.e. the chasing).

I am sort of in a similar situation where, I feel like I'm doing all the chasing and my SO is just sort of going on with her life as usual. We're together, but our distanced relationship sort of feels the same way as it did before we met. I became okay with this though when I realized that not all long distance relationships need to follow a formula. They don't all need to follow the rule of NEEDING constant contact, NEEDING Skype, NEEDING this or that... And also, I need to remember that she probably hasn't come across this site and read all of the things I've read, about how to make an LDR work, so I shouldn't expect her to being following the rules on '100 things to do' lol, you know?

I would say chase her, but don't tackle her... Take it slow in general, but take it slow ALSO because you're on a break. Don't shower her with messages all day every day. Just show your interest, with a nice message every once and a while hoping that she's having a great day.