Doubt and Closing the Distance
This may seem like it belongs in closing the distance section, but I don't think so. It's less about the closing the distance and more about the doubt.
We're closing the distance Aug 21. I'm moving to Tampa for school and he already lives there. I'm very anxious (good and bad) for both. But...
I don't know what it is, but for a little while now, I've had these niggling doubts in the back of my mind about us. At first I thought it was just exams and us working through a recent semi-issue (I say semi because it wasn't really a big issue... more of a misunderstanding). These doubts are not necessarily new to me, but they really only would bother me when big things happened that may have caused us to end things (ie. family issues, personal limits, wrong doings, the like). Through all of that, I doubted us being together, but never doubted that I loved him.
Now, I'm not doubting my love for him necessarily. I know I love him... but I'm not obsessing over when I'll see him again, not missing/thinking of him all the time, things like that. This isn't to say I don't miss him or am not looking forward to seeing him again. I do and I am. It's just not on my mind as much and I don't always feel as strongly about it when it is on my mind. I thought maybe it was me being busy and stressed with exams, graduation, job, college things, just working everything out, but I'm not sure. For once in our relationship, I actually think he loves me more than I love him. I love him, but... idk. I didn't even cry when we ended our visits the last two times (in June and just yesterday). Usually, I'm bawling.
I'm definitely going to wait it out and see what it is that's going on. I think it really might be the stress. We have too much between us for me to throw it away on an errant feeling and that will likely pass soon. But also, I've had several guys recently hit on me and found myself vaguely wondering "what if..." where I never did before. I think its the changes. I feel like I'm experiencing what my SO did when we started LD. He wasn't as sure about us as I was, wasn't as upset at separating, and definitely didn't care as much about me as I did him.
I hope its the changes throwing my mind for a loop. I'm going to wait it out and hopefully things will settle once we close the distance and I get into a routine again. I'm a little OCD so any kind of chaos, mental or physical, upsets me. Any thoughts?
We're closing the distance Aug 21. I'm moving to Tampa for school and he already lives there. I'm very anxious (good and bad) for both. But...
I don't know what it is, but for a little while now, I've had these niggling doubts in the back of my mind about us. At first I thought it was just exams and us working through a recent semi-issue (I say semi because it wasn't really a big issue... more of a misunderstanding). These doubts are not necessarily new to me, but they really only would bother me when big things happened that may have caused us to end things (ie. family issues, personal limits, wrong doings, the like). Through all of that, I doubted us being together, but never doubted that I loved him.
Now, I'm not doubting my love for him necessarily. I know I love him... but I'm not obsessing over when I'll see him again, not missing/thinking of him all the time, things like that. This isn't to say I don't miss him or am not looking forward to seeing him again. I do and I am. It's just not on my mind as much and I don't always feel as strongly about it when it is on my mind. I thought maybe it was me being busy and stressed with exams, graduation, job, college things, just working everything out, but I'm not sure. For once in our relationship, I actually think he loves me more than I love him. I love him, but... idk. I didn't even cry when we ended our visits the last two times (in June and just yesterday). Usually, I'm bawling.
I'm definitely going to wait it out and see what it is that's going on. I think it really might be the stress. We have too much between us for me to throw it away on an errant feeling and that will likely pass soon. But also, I've had several guys recently hit on me and found myself vaguely wondering "what if..." where I never did before. I think its the changes. I feel like I'm experiencing what my SO did when we started LD. He wasn't as sure about us as I was, wasn't as upset at separating, and definitely didn't care as much about me as I did him.
I hope its the changes throwing my mind for a loop. I'm going to wait it out and hopefully things will settle once we close the distance and I get into a routine again. I'm a little OCD so any kind of chaos, mental or physical, upsets me. Any thoughts?
Comment