She dumped me over skype...

[KyleRivera]

So I just got off of skype with my...now ex girlfriend...she broke up with me. I asked her why and she said that she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. Said she didn't like me like that anymore...I asked her if we could work things out and try to fix this problem together...she said she didn't see the point and that she didn't think it would do anything...I am so heart broken and feel empty inside. I just want her to call me back and tell me she made a mistake and wants me back and beg me to take her back.

I know that's a lot to ask for but I can't help it. I don't care if it's in a couple of weeks or even in a month or whatever...as long as she comes back to me that's all I want. I put in way to much time, effort, money and love into her for it to just end like this after 7 months of utter love for each other. I just wanted to give you all a heads up on what happened. She said that we would stay talking as friends...hopefully while this happens, she gets her feelings for me back again and we possibly get back together and live a happy life. I guess I have some questions for you guys...

Aside from giving her the space she obviously wants, is there anything I can to that could woo her back into my arms aside from talking to her as I did when I first won her heart? I just miss her so much! and hope she comes crawling back...I don't mean to sound cocky but I know for a fact that NOBODY can or will EVER treat her nearly as good as I treated her....she will realize it soon enough.

[snow_girl]

First off, you didn't give her enough space while you were on the break how do you expect to give her the space she very much needs now? You also need to assume you will not be getting back together, don't give yourself false hopes. Maybe some where down the road things may change but for now it is over and you need to start healing your wounds and getting over her. People change and feelings change. I was dead sure I was going to marry my ex but my feelings change and I broke up with him. I know you are hurting but you now need to distance yourself from her and move on.

[Adora]

Sorry to hear that
I dont think you can do anything to win someone back, if they have already made up their mind tbh. Why dont you send her a message explaining how you feel.

I know that's a lot to ask for but I can't help it. I don't care if it's in a couple of weeks or even in a month or whatever...as long as she comes back to me that's all I want. I put in way to much time, effort, money and love into her for it to just end like this after 7 months of utter love for each other.

If you want someone back would you not want them back forever rather than accepting a couple of weeks or months? I know you've just had your heart broken but take a little time for yourself to digest what has just happened. Take care

[alesitag]

I'm so sorry to hear this... I know how heartbreaking it is but I also know you'll be fine in the end.

In my own experience, the best thing you could do is back off... cut off contact with her.

I know some of the LFADers will remember how reluctant I was to let go of my ex-SO... and he was reluctant too. I kept thinking maybe if we kept talking he'd realize he made a mistake and he'd ask me to take him back. All this non-sense only led us more into heartbreak to the point he said he didn't want to know anything about me and I got sick of it too... so we finally ended up deleting each other from our online messaging accounts.

After a month and a week of not having ANY kind of contact he messaged me and we had the chance to talk and actually realize we still love each other... we haven't had the time to talk about our situation yet as our working schedules are totally opposites, but who knows...

I'm not saying this is a infallible formula to get her back, I'm just saying it can either go that way or the opposite and help you get over it faster.

[KyleRivera]

All,

You are right. I will cut contact with her but we will still be talking every here and there. I just feel like if I don't talk to her at all then she will forget about me completely and that would kill me. I have talked to one of our mutual friends and he said that he is 100% sure she will come back. said she has always had a tough time realizing the good things she has until it's too late or just taking a long time to realize it in general. I would hope that this is the case. I just can't get over her. I loved and still love eveything about her both good and bad. I am also very sure that she still has some sort of feelings for me and I'm very sure she will eventually come to realize she needs me and can't do better than me.

[temporaryuser]

You need to delete her contact info from yourphone. That way you wont be as tempted to contact her. In order for her to realize what she no longer has, she needs to not have it! And that may very well mean not hearing from you AT ALL, wether it be a week, or a month, or even months.
Yes, it sucks. yes it will be hard to deal with. But obviously, if you keep contacting her, even randomly, you will keep pushing her further away.

[Tanja]

You need to back off man, the ball is in her court. And btw saying you're waiting for her to realise she can't do better than you IS cocky.

[Zapookie]

I think there was more to this that you chose not to tell us.

I'm actually not surprised that she broke up with you with that attitude - "I'm the best thing since sliced bread and you'd better know it". Girls aren't attracted to that. Sorry to be blunt.

[Jayburr]

I will cut contact with her but we will still be talking every here and there. I just feel like if I don't talk to her at all then she will forget about me completely and that would kill me.

She won't forget you, but you really need to keep from contacting her for a while. If you want her to realize what she's lost, then you need to stay silent. Sending her messages or calling her "here and there" 2 weeks from now, a month from now, TWO MONTHS from now, it doesn't matter, don't do it. As long as you keep contacting her, you'll keep inserting yourself into her life and she'll never know what she lost because you'll still be around. Again, don't do it. Don't contact her ever. Let her make the first move and if it takes months, so be it, and if it NEVER happens, then she wasn't worth it. That's why you need to start healing and moving on now because if you don't, you'll waste days and weeks and months waiting around for someone that may never come back. As I've said in some of your past topics, treat this like a break up and begin moving on - if she comes back to you, great, if she doesn't, it won't hurt nearly as much (or at all) later if you began moving on from the very start.

I just can't get over her. I loved and still love eveything about her both good and bad. I am also very sure that she still has some sort of feelings for me and I'm very sure she will eventually come to realize she needs me and can't do better than me.

Try to think logically and realistically here Kyle... She JUST broke up with you...what, within the hour? Of course you feel RIGHT NOW that you can't get over her, BUT YOU WILL, in time.

I was on and off with one my ex's for a long time, and EVERY time, I let her contact me first. I was like you (or, at least FELT like you) in terms of being the one that put in all of the effort, a ton of emotion and time and money into the relationship to make her happy. I asked nothing of her and yet she DEMANDED everything of me. Somehow, I never realized how controlling and manipulative she was, and how the deciding factor between a good day and a bad day with her, was sometimes decided by whether or not I'd buy her a Frappuccino. It was ridiculous to think that at one time, I felt like she was flawless, and that she was the best I could do...(i.e. she wasn't, so don't go believing that you're the best she could get either...) My main point here, is that since you were the one putting in all the effort for the relationship, it is now time for you to take a break from that, and let her realize what she's lost. It's HER TURN to put in the effort now. Let her contact you first.

Lastly, if I remember correctly from your previous topics, you two have broken up once before right? Since this sounds all too familiar to me and my experience with my ex, I would just urge you to take a step back during this current break up, and REALLY think about whether this girl is the ONLY girl for you, and whether she is really the best that YOU can do. REALLY think of the reasons WHY you are wanting to hold on to her, reasons that don't include things like: "she's pretty," "she cares about me..." because there are plenty of girls out there with those qualities... Also, what does she give back to you? You put forth a tone of effort...what does she give back? With my ex, I realized that I don't get anything back from her except constant nagging. No matter what I did, it was never enough to please her. No point in staying with someone that doesn't appreciate you.

I know i kinda wrote a lot and I hope it makes sense... It just sounds all too similar to my past relationship and I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did Kyle. You've been together 7 months... I did the back and forth 'we're broken up,' 'we're together' nonsense with my ex for 2 YEARS... Figure out NOW if she's really right for you before you waste any more time. I know it hurts to completely drop a relationship and you don't want to just throw away 7 months, but, sticking around for the wrong reasons, you stand to lose a lot more than 7 months in the end.

[Moon]

She won't forget you, but you really need to keep from contacting her for a while. If you want her to realize what she's lost, then you need to stay silent. Sending her messages or calling her "here and there" 2 weeks from now, a month from now, TWO MONTHS from now, it doesn't matter, don't do it. As long as you keep contacting her, you'll keep inserting yourself into her life and she'll never know what she lost because you'll still be around. Again, don't do it. Don't contact her ever. Let her make the first move and if it takes months, so be it, and if it NEVER happens, then she wasn't worth it. That's why you need to start healing and moving on now because if you don't, you'll waste days and weeks and months waiting around for someone that may never come back. As I've said in some of your past topics, treat this like a break up and begin moving on - if she comes back to you, great, if she doesn't, it won't hurt nearly as much (or at all) later if you began moving on from the very start.



Try to think logically and realistically here Kyle... She JUST broke up with you...what, within the hour? Of course you feel RIGHT NOW that you can't get over her, BUT YOU WILL, in time.

I was on and off with one my ex's for a long time, and EVERY time, I let her contact me first. I was like you (or, at least FELT like you) in terms of being the one that put in all of the effort, a ton of emotion and time and money into the relationship to make her happy. I asked nothing of her and yet she DEMANDED everything of me. Somehow, I never realized how controlling and manipulative she was, and how the deciding factor between a good day and a bad day with her, was sometimes decided by whether or not I'd buy her a Frappuccino. It was ridiculous to think that at one time, I felt like she was flawless, and that she was the best I could do...(i.e. she wasn't, so don't go believing that you're the best she could get either...) My main point here, is that since you were the one putting in all the effort for the relationship, it is now time for you to take a break from that, and let her realize what she's lost. It's HER TURN to put in the effort now. Let her contact you first.

Lastly, if I remember correctly from your previous topics, you two have broken up once before right? Since this sounds all too familiar to me and my experience with my ex, I would just urge you to take a step back during this current break up, and REALLY think about whether this girl is the ONLY girl for you, and whether she is really the best that YOU can do. REALLY think of the reasons WHY you are wanting to hold on to her, reasons that don't include things like: "she's pretty," "she cares about me..." because there are plenty of girls out there with those qualities... Also, what does she give back to you? You put forth a tone of effort...what does she give back? With my ex, I realized that I don't get anything back from her except constant nagging. No matter what I did, it was never enough to please her. No point in staying with someone that doesn't appreciate you.

I know i kinda wrote a lot and I hope it makes sense... It just sounds all too similar to my past relationship and I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did Kyle. You've been together 7 months... I did the back and forth 'we're broken up,' 'we're together' nonsense with my ex for 2 YEARS... Figure out NOW if she's really right for you before you waste any more time. I know it hurts to completely drop a relationship and you don't want to just throw away 7 months, but, sticking around for the wrong reasons, you stand to lose a lot more than 7 months in the end.

Totally this. Listen to Jayburr, Kyle. He's giving you good advice, from another guy's perspective.

[happyshazam7]

I think everyone has given you good advice and I have a couple of thoughts.

I know snow_girl told you to assume you won't get back together so as to not give yourself false hope. I would certainly say, don't assume you'll get back together SOON. But I know after my five-year relationship ended, I had to hold onto the hope that if we were right for each other, we might end up together someday, even if that was in ten years. And eventually I moved on and I didn't need that hope anymore, but it helped me when I was devastated. I would also write him letters that I imagined I would give him in ten years - it helped me get all my feelings out, and I still felt like I was talking to him (even though I won't ever give him those letters).

And secondly, you have to lose this attitude that you are the best thing that will ever happen to her. First of all, it probably isn't true. But even if it is, it's a highly repellent attitude and your ex will never want to get back together with you if that is your approach. Even to use the words "crawling back." It's gross, and it says something about you.

And thirdly, if you really love someone, you want them to be happy above all else. And if her happiness is not with you right now, then you have to respect that. Take this time to work on yourself. Think not only about the kinds of things Jayburr mentioned, but also what you could have done differently. It is impossible for any of us to know what was going on in your relationship, and she may be crappy and manipulative. But you seem to have some manipulative, overbearing qualities (just from what you've written. Obviously, I don't know you, and I don't mean this is a value judgment of you) and you might want to take some time to consider how YOU can be better in a relationship.

[tanaquil]

I totally agree with each of the above posters.

I'm going to be honest with you: I've followed your series of threads and, at first, you had everyone's pity and support; but now, you're coming off as way too intense, cocky and a bit suffocating. I know how it's like to want to be like that to your boyfriend/girlfriend, but you have to realise that if you're constantly THERE that, after a while, you'll just end up making them resent you.

I really hope things get better for you. /: Take some time off to grieve but try not to include her too much -- alone time is good time.

[rawrimolivia]

I agree with everyone else as well. As sad as it is, and I'm really sorry that it happened to you. But you need to take some time for your self. Coming from a girl who's been through a ton of break ups, I know it's hard and it feels like you'll never get over her, but you will. I mean if you do end up together sometime in the future, then I'm glad that you're happy. But I feel like if she's not going to realize the effort you say you're putting in, then YOU deserve someone better. You deserve a girl who does appreciate the time and money you put in a relationship

[Jgui]

From reading your pervious posts, I don't believe you gave her the space she wanted and needed. Taking a break from a relationship means there is almost no communication whatsoever. If I remember correctly, you wanted to talk with her almost daily during the break. A quick way to ruin a relationship is suffocating the other person.

A break up is tough no matter what anyone says. But it isn't impossible to move on. The 1st thing you need to do is to stop giving yourself hope that she will miss you and come back, because that just is just gonna make it harder for yourself. If you must, delete her contact information so you won't be tempted to text, call, or email her. Keep yourself busy at all cause so you won't be feeling down and alone all the time.

As far as you saying she won't find another better than you is downright stupid. And you claiming you won't ever forget her nd move on is also dumb. Give it a few weeks and you'll see yourself feeling better and stronger. Breaking up is not end of the world, there's a healing process and everyone will overcome the process, some take more time than others.

I'm sorry this happend but hang in there.

[Jayburr]

And thirdly, if you really love someone, you want them to be happy above all else. And if her happiness is not with you right now, then you have to respect that.

That's one thing I forgot to mention in my post as well... Whenever my ex and I were having issues and considering breaking up, I would always mention how, if breaking up is what needs to happen in order for her to be happy, then that's what we should do.

I feel like if she's not going to realize the effort you say you're putting in, then YOU deserve someone better. You deserve a girl who does appreciate the time and money you put in a relationship

Exactly. It's a waste of your time, your effort and your emotion to invest so much in a relationship with someone that doesn't appreciate anything you do. It doesn't sound like this girl appreciated you very much, Kyle.

From reading your pervious posts, I don't believe you gave her the space she wanted and needed. Taking a break from a relationship means there is almost no communication whatsoever. If I remember correctly, you wanted to talk with her almost daily during the break. A quick way to ruin a relationship is suffocating the other person.

I agree with this as well, but ultimately Kyle, I think you guys were headed down this path to a break up anyway. It's better for it to happen now though, than waste more time and continue having false hope during a 'break.'