As I just realized my husband has directly lied to me, I wanted to ask you how you deal with that. I know it's easier to lie about what you're doing in a LDR, but considering how I found out about his most recent lie (we've been CD again since 2 weeks), I could have done that just via internet (website of a club), too. In the end, lies usually catch up with you, no matter where you or your SO are.
Here's the story, but feel free to skip it and just answer the questions at the end:
When I saw pictures of my husband talking to other women in a club two weeks ago, I freaked out because I didn't know that he talks to/flirts with women when he goes out. To a certain extent, I'm giving him the benefit of doubt, since I didn't see any pictures of him kissing etc. He apologized and said it won't happen again, but he explained to me that he didn't tell me because I get upset so easily (which is true, I have trust issues) and he didn't want to hurt me. Up to a point, I understand and I believe him. I went out the past two weekends, too (only for fairness' sake, as I usually don't club) and discovered that it is indeed pretty easy to start a conversation with a complete stranger in a club (even without actually looking for a hook-up.)
However, my hb's new motto seems to be "not telling something is not lying" (he actually told me that he believes that, as in "what you don't know won't hurt you"). *sigh*
Another time, I saw pictures of the weekend his family was visiting him in May (when I was still abroad.) I had seen them before but hadn't realized that, in them, he was dressed for going out. I was surprised that, even on a weekend when his sister and niece and nephew are visiting, he would go clubbing. I don't think I asked him at the time if he went out that particular weekend, because I just naturally assumed that he wouldn't when his family was there. He didn't tell me, but I didn't ask either - so no lie, right?
There have been a few other things that could be lies but that I can't prove, so I'll have to disregard those.
Anyway, when I asked him about the pictures two weeks ago, he said he wouldn't go to that particular club anymore anyway, because he and his friend had been banned for some reason (he said he didn't know why, the bouncer was just being a jerk). I didn't believe that for a minute and asked him to go there with me to prove it. He refused, saying he didn't need to prove anything, wouldn't go clubbing with me (generally) and I could go on my own if I wanted to. (Also, I guess, that wouldn't really have served as proof, anyway, since depending on who's the bouncer that night, they might let him in again, I think - correct me if I'm wrong, I don't have much of an idea about clubbing.)
Before he went out yesterday, I asked him where he and his friend are going and he told me a particular area of the city. Just minutes ago, I saw pictures of him in the same club (that he is allegedly banned from, completely different part of town) again - taken yesterday. I did ask him where they went, he lied. (when he told me about the evening, he said his friend danced with a girl - I replied "oh, so you went to a disco (not a bar w/o dancefloor, as he'd said)?'" and he was like "no, they danced right there in the bar") He said he was banned - probably a lie, too. The thing is: I have no idea why he lied about things like that. The only plausible answer I can come up with is that he is meeting someone particular there and wants to avoid me going there, too, or even thinking he was there again (which, considering that they take pictures every night, is pretty stupid of him...)
So, what do you do in a situation like this? There was a lie, there is proof. It's not a huge lie (not as huge as saying he never kissed anyone and then I see a picture of him kissing someone), but it's there. Do you address it or keep the knowledge to yourself and use it to find out more?
Actually, I'm typing this to keep myself from asking him, because I do intend to maybe go there next weekend and find out why he wants me to think he doesn't go there anymore.
What would you do? Or what have you done when you found out your SO had lied to you? Do you believe in a 100% honesty policy or rather in "what they don't know won't hurt them"? Do you think someone who tells white lies necessarily lies about bigger issues, too?
Comment