Maybe some of you remember my story
(I can't post links yet but you can find my last post when you go to my profile --> last started threads)
and I want to thank you all again for the useful advice you gave me. It's weird though when although your brain tells you that something won't work, your heart does exactly the opposite. My SO came two times since then, once in July and now in August. In July we didn't talk about our relationship, but when he left, I felt so awfully stupid that I gave in for one more time. Needless to say, I did the same thing in August, but one evening I just asked him: "What are we?"
His reply was "Do we need to make this conversation again? We did that many times and it didn't lead to anything."
I said that I would like to know what kind of a relationship we have. He said that we are lovers, that we have a great time, and that there's nothing more to it. He doesn't feel ready for marriage (here's the same topic again!), that he doesn't want to get married because people around him pressure him, etc. I knew this answer was coming, but I guess I needed to hear something. I asked him then why he's with me and what he wants from me, if he wants to come to Belgrade every two months, have sex with me and leave, his reply was "no". I wandered then why were we still "together", since he kind of broke up with me two times (once I came back to him crying and the second time he phoned me two hours after the break up). And he said: "Maybe it's time for you to leave me." "Do you want me to leave you?" "I want you to be happy, and to live your life." "Do you want me to leave you? Yes or no?"
And he said: "If you will be okay, then yes. If you won't be okay, then no."
I didn't really get that. I told him, okay, so, we will both be unhappy, either way. He said, "yes".
I started to get up (we were lying in the bed, he was holding me), but he held his hand around me and didn't allow me to get up and leave. I lied back down and asked him in tears, why he wasn't letting me go. "Because people don't leave each other now." "And what does it matter if I leave now, or tomorrow, or in two weeks? It will have to happen anyway."
And then he told me he would be back in September, that now he will go on a deserted beach for ten days and sleep under a tent, and will have time to think it through. And when he comes back, we will talk about it.
I am not sure what to think anymore. If he doesn't want to be with me in a serious relationship, if he doesn't want to be in a simply sexual relationship, and still doesn't want to let me go, what does he want? I guess he is trying to buy some time (which he has been doing in the last 10 months) but why? He tells me that this relationship won't work, since we don't want the same things, and after a couple of minutes he tells me that he will think about it when he calms down? I understand he is under a lot of pressure with his job and stuff but isn't 10 months enough for him to know at last what he wants and what he doesn't?
Any input much appreciated
(I can't post links yet but you can find my last post when you go to my profile --> last started threads)
and I want to thank you all again for the useful advice you gave me. It's weird though when although your brain tells you that something won't work, your heart does exactly the opposite. My SO came two times since then, once in July and now in August. In July we didn't talk about our relationship, but when he left, I felt so awfully stupid that I gave in for one more time. Needless to say, I did the same thing in August, but one evening I just asked him: "What are we?"
His reply was "Do we need to make this conversation again? We did that many times and it didn't lead to anything."
I said that I would like to know what kind of a relationship we have. He said that we are lovers, that we have a great time, and that there's nothing more to it. He doesn't feel ready for marriage (here's the same topic again!), that he doesn't want to get married because people around him pressure him, etc. I knew this answer was coming, but I guess I needed to hear something. I asked him then why he's with me and what he wants from me, if he wants to come to Belgrade every two months, have sex with me and leave, his reply was "no". I wandered then why were we still "together", since he kind of broke up with me two times (once I came back to him crying and the second time he phoned me two hours after the break up). And he said: "Maybe it's time for you to leave me." "Do you want me to leave you?" "I want you to be happy, and to live your life." "Do you want me to leave you? Yes or no?"
And he said: "If you will be okay, then yes. If you won't be okay, then no."
I didn't really get that. I told him, okay, so, we will both be unhappy, either way. He said, "yes".
I started to get up (we were lying in the bed, he was holding me), but he held his hand around me and didn't allow me to get up and leave. I lied back down and asked him in tears, why he wasn't letting me go. "Because people don't leave each other now." "And what does it matter if I leave now, or tomorrow, or in two weeks? It will have to happen anyway."
And then he told me he would be back in September, that now he will go on a deserted beach for ten days and sleep under a tent, and will have time to think it through. And when he comes back, we will talk about it.
I am not sure what to think anymore. If he doesn't want to be with me in a serious relationship, if he doesn't want to be in a simply sexual relationship, and still doesn't want to let me go, what does he want? I guess he is trying to buy some time (which he has been doing in the last 10 months) but why? He tells me that this relationship won't work, since we don't want the same things, and after a couple of minutes he tells me that he will think about it when he calms down? I understand he is under a lot of pressure with his job and stuff but isn't 10 months enough for him to know at last what he wants and what he doesn't?
Any input much appreciated
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