A topic for the "Gamer Couples" and gamer SOs

[dianacakes]

Thank you all for the replies. It helps to know I'm not alone here.

It's kind of funny because, before we met in person, we played online together quite often. In the month or so before we met, she stopped playing, mainly because she was focusing on her internship and just didn't care to play. I stopped playing as much as well during this time because if she wasn't on, then I didn't really care to be on Then we met, everything was amazing, and then I had to return home. All I could think about was her, but not long after the trip, she was back in-game again...a lot. Even now, I send her texts and don't get any kind of reply for hours... Our phones are our primary form of communication, and I check mine constantly for messages or calls from her, but it sure doesn't seem like she does the same for me.

Did you bring up the issue with her? Do you guys use any IM-related/voice program while playing games? Ventrilo, TS, RC, Mumble? Skype/Oovoo etc? Since you guys are both gamers, focus on one of those programs instead of using your phones as your communication line since she's probably not looking at her phone and staring at her computer screen. So like use skype while playing your game and use your cell phone when you guys are away from the computer. When my boyfriend is caught up in a scrim for counter-strike, he doesn't hear his phone at all, but will reply if he sees a message pop up from skype or steam chat. :P

[Softy]

talk talk talk : )
Let her know, no1 can read minds.

[Amelia]

Wow I had this issue with my SO it drove me nuts I used to game but then I stopped but he games with his friends and it used to take over his life he would hardly talk with me and would stay up till 3am or later gaming. It got so bad that I have an ultimatum of the game or me, that didn't go down well and I realized that maybe I should tell him how I'm feeling and see if he understands turns out it worked he even taught me how to play so now every now and then we play together. Games are addictive and can turn the perfect person into a nightmare you just have to be honest and talk about issues

[rina]

We're both passionate gamers but we never have issues like this, mostly cause we don't really text a lot and secondly cause we're playing everything together, either the same MMORPG or single player ones with the other watching with shared desktop.. we're geeks, we know

I do admit i find it annoying sometimes when im trying to focus on something and he keeps bugging me, or vice-versa(is that even the way to type that word in english?) but we just mention it to each other and we work it out.

I think you should just mention it bothers you and work it out. I know i was a little mad at him sometimes cause he would never start conversation with me in the mornings (back when we were friends) and it turns out he didn't cause he has a thing for watching vids first thing in the morning, so we worked it out.

[Jayburr]

Did you bring up the issue with her? Do you guys use any IM-related/voice program while playing games? Ventrilo, TS, RC, Mumble? Skype/Oovoo etc? Since you guys are both gamers, focus on one of those programs instead of using your phones as your communication line since she's probably not looking at her phone and staring at her computer screen. So like use skype while playing your game and use your cell phone when you guys are away from the computer. When my boyfriend is caught up in a scrim for counter-strike, he doesn't hear his phone at all, but will reply if he sees a message pop up from skype or steam chat. :P

Yes we do use vent. Talking while playing isn't really my concern, that part is fine. It's just when she is playing and I am not, and I don't hear from her, it makes me feel like I'm not ever on her mind. Like I mentioned, on the weekends, when we're both home and I see she's online, I can text her, call her, etc...and not get a response until hours later. I realize being long distance, you can't always be 24/7 available, and I don't expect that, but she's playing a game... Does it not ever occur to her that the whole day has gone by and she's not heard from me? If she were wondering where I am or what I'm doing, wouldn't she check her phone to see if I'd tried contacting her, or message me to see what I'm up to EARLIER, and not at the end of the day?

talk talk talk : )
Let her know, no1 can read minds.

I know...I know I need to just tell her how I feel about it, but I'm not sure exactly how to bring it up. Obviously, I don't want to turn this into some huge thing that it doesn't need to be.

[dianacakes]

I know...I know I need to just tell her how I feel about it, but I'm not sure exactly how to bring it up. Obviously, I don't want to turn this into some huge thing that it doesn't need to be.

I'd approach the topic in a calm manner, so she doesn't get offensive. (If I was told I was playing a game too much and completely disregarding my SO, I'd be like, excuse you?! NO I don't. I'd probably be in denial at first. lol). Once you tell her, let her process it in her head. Like say, "Imagine how you would feel if I didn't reply/message you all day but you saw me in-game but we weren't talking, how would that make you feel?" etc etc.

Do let us know how things go after you've talked to her about this!

[kittyo9]

I met my SO via an MMORPG (MapleStory). We used to play together a lot, and we still do on occasion, but not nearly so often since our interest in the game has waned as our time has become more scarce due to school. However, we still make time to play games together when we can, as gaming is something we both really enjoy and something we very much love sharing with one another. In fact, right now, we are both logged into a game that he likes to play (although he's sleeping on me right now ). It's just something that we can both appreciate in one another and share and bond over.

Since we've become much busier in our lives, our gaming time has become reduced in favor of more time spent directly with one another, but sometimes we like to play things on our own, and sometimes that can get in the way. For example, my SO really likes playing this one browser game, and sometimes when I'm with him (physically, right now), he seems more interested in playing than in paying attention to me, so I'll usually ask him to stop playing and spend time with me instead. We're both very good about dropping what we're doing if the other feels neglected, so it works well for us.

[Jezah]

Me and HBB didn't meet playing a game but we do however play a MMORPG together now. For months he never played it without me or I without him, and I was surprised when he started a new character to play with his brothers how upset I was. It had become our thing, and when he did it with someone else I got really jealous. We usually log onto Skype, talk for a bit and then play Guild Wars with cams off but voice call still going on Skype so we can talk and plan in game. Its actually great, since its almost like interacting with your SO from miles away and for me relieves the loneliness somewhat.

[Jayburr]

Just a quick update, I did sort of talk to her about it this morning (in game, lol). I didn't say nearly everything I wanted to say but I did get some of the main thoughts out there to her...

Basically, I saw her online through the game website, and logged in to ask her if she had received my text. I send her texts almost every morning, just to say good morning and that I hope she slept well, etc... Well, on a normal day, I don't get a response from her until she's leaving her internship to go home (around noon or so my time, sometimes later), and then after that text, even if I reply right away, she pretty much goes straight home and gets in-game again and I don't get a response from her again until hours later.

So, it had only been maybe 30 minutes since I sent her the text, but it kind of annoyed me that she's at her internship, not working, but playing the game, and couldn't text me back... Again, I start to feel like I'm less important to her than a game... So anyway, she told me she didn't receive it. Now, her phone HAS been having some issues, but I'm really not sure if I believe it didn't get to her... Either way, I expressed a little bit of my frustration that I never know if she gets anything I send and said that I'd like it if she texted me more. She said something like "okay I'll start texting you a million times throughout the day" and at that moment my phone was getting text after text of just single words at a time spelling out a sentence. I was really annoyed by that and told her to stop because I felt like she was mocking me now. It's like when a parent asks their kid to do a chore, and the kid goes and does it loudly with lots of annoyed sighs to make sure their parent knows they don't really care to do it and are only doing it because they asked them to. I felt like she was texting me just because I asked, not because she cared to, and texting single words at a time like that...she might as well have just come out and said "here's your damn texts, now shut up about it." I didn't really comment on that though, I just told her to stop, and that I don't need a million texts a day, I just wish she'd text me more often, and not JUST at the end of the day... I told her that some times when I don't hear from her all day, it makes me feel like I'm not ever on her mind (this was a big thing I've been wanting her to know). She said that I am on her mind but didn't really give me a reason why she doesn't text me as much... She told me later that she needs to distract herself to keep from missing me too much and becoming depressed, and that some times her distractions (i.e. the game) keep her from thinking to text me. She then said she'll try to do better but I honestly don't expect anything to change...

I may have to bring it up again with her but I think the main thing for me to do now is just continue what I've been doing, which is just to deal with it and accept that it is what it is.

[ableandready]

Hi LFAD! My first post on here!

I came on here for a purpose because there's a new WoW expansion and my girlfriend is full steam ahead in it and it's never been interesting to me. I play sports games on the PS3 but I've never been a fan of fantasy or MMORPGs. She on the other hand is pretty much doing the same thing that your girlfriend is doing Jayburr.

It's very difficult because it is still "just a game" to me. I'm giving her more space to do what she wants, but it's grating my nerves. We're definitely not as close. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through it, I just wish I wasn't going through it. She says it's only going to be like this for a month or so...we'll see. :-/

[iHeartt]

I know how you feel, however, I might be able to give my opinion on both sides, maybe. I have dated a couple guys in the past that have played the MMORPG with me and have felt annoyed when they would rather play the game than text me or call me. For whatever reason, like you, I wouldn't be able to play but find out that they were online. I was thinking, is that GAME really THAT important, more important than talking with your real life girlfriend. Well, no, its not. And its not in their eyes either (if it is, well, thats another topic!). However, (now that I'm out of those relationships) I learned that the game is just another way to relax. Kind of like watching tv. How many times have you (in your life) been watching a show and thought to yourself, I'll call or text when this is over. I look at it like that. Now, I know that we can play those silly games for HOURS, but if you look at it as her relaxing time, or blowing off steam after a hard day, or whatever, it might help ya out a bit. And I'll admit, from my own personal experience, the game really does help with depression (only while you're playing!) and missing you, and keeping her mind off of that kind of stuff. But I know how it feels to be on the end just waiting for a text till they "think of you" (for lack of better words). And also, yes, I've been in-game and thinking, "yep, I'll text him back in a minute", well that minute turns into hours. oops. It happens.

Currently, I'm with a wonderful man who is not a part of the gaming community. He knows that I have played and might still play every once in a while. But with this relationship and my game, I make darn sure to put him first. Will my character die as I"m sending a text? Sure will. And I don't care who I make angry in-game either. Game stops when he's here (not living together yet - 2 months!) and when we finally do move in together, I probably wont play at all. But, over the past couple days, he's been out of town & I'm at his house. I'm bored to death. Yep, I'm playing my game, but, when he calls or texts, game stops. My real life relationship is much more important than any in-game relationships/quests/guilds/raids/etc!!

My advise? As the others have said, just talk with her. Hopefully she'll begin to see that the gaming world is a wonderful distraction from real life, however, you must maintain your real life and not live only in-game. I hope that makes sense. Good luck to you.

[AvaLouise]

My SO is completely obsessed with games. It's basically all he does, which my mom can't stand but it doesn't usually bother me. It's PC games like Starcraft and League of Legends and I dunno he doesn't really have much of a life outside of his computer. I mean we met because of games (he met my best friend through Xbox live) so I'm not complaining but it's a bit much sometimes.