I think we are running out of things to talk about...

[blueeyes79]

Hi everyone...This is my first LDR and i was wondering if it is common to slow down on the conversation?? We will be together for 1 year next month. I go see him next month to celebrate out 1 year...Do I have anything to worry about?? we do talk everyday but its like we dont know what to talk about.

[temporaryuser]

do a google search for relationship questions. There are tons of them. it will give you some ideas. Not that you have to talk constantly, but these are more thought provoking kind of questions, which may lead into other conversation. if you text or email thruout the day, then i would think actual phone conversations would be less frequent as you tend to cover every little aspect of the day thru text/email.
I wouldnt be concerned.

[blueeyes79]

Ok...i will do that Thank!!!

[dglynn77]

1,000 questions for couples is a life-saver!

[rawrimolivia]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been with my SO for almost 2 years and sometimes we sit on camera and barely talk about anything lol. It's hard to talk about stuff especially if you didn't do anything worth talking about during the day. What we like to do is watch movies together, like start them at the same time or on netflix and then that way you can talk about the movie afterwards. Or just ask about each others day and really listen. Or like they said, look up some questions to ask each other. Play games together.

[Sora1101]

Honestly I ran out of things to talk about with my SO about 3-4 months into our relationship because he hates answering questions, he prefers I learn things about him through observation or his comments in passing so that left us with very little to discuss through text, he tends to open up a lot more via phone calls. Anyway, we've still managed to text pretty much 24/7 for almost 3 years now and most of it is just simple role-play like cuddling, hugs, and kisses and the like. We talk about random things, I ask him about his day and what his friends are up to, things like that. Then we start it all over again the next day but to us it just signifies how close we are, we don't feel the need for constant deep heavy conversation as long as we're there for each other.

[ushiwakafox]

Omg this used to stress me out so much when we were LD. We didn't get to skype a lot because there was a 14+ hour time difference, so when we were able to skype but didn't have much to talk about, it was disappointing for me. This just happens, there really isn't much you can do about that. LFAD actually really did help a lot with thinking of different stuff to do on days when we didn't have much to talk about. And after dating for 5 years, trust me the topics can become less and less dense. We liked to play the little games on YIM, send each other youtube videos, we even attempted to watch a movie together a few times (usually failed since netflix.com wasn't supported where I was DX).

So yes, this is absolutely natural, especially nearing the one year mark. It just comes and goes, it's a natural part of relationships in general, not just LDRs. Don't stress about it, just look through the lists on LFAD, or looking up different topics online like subeasley mentioned.

[pink elephant]

This is definitely nothing to worry too much about. My husband and I have been doing the Skype thing for six years now, and we've had plenty of dead silent moments - not because we don't want to talk, but because neither of us has much to say sometimes.

To fix this, we ended up doing several things:

- reading the news on topics we both like (one time we found a news article about vintage video games and ended up talking for five hours about old consoles. true story. it was an awesome conversation.)

- asked each other questions (my favorite is to ask him lateral thinking puzzles, he's really good at coming up with solutions to those.. otherwise my fave books to ask questions are "Kokology: The Game of Self-Discovery" and "If.. (Questions for the Game of Life)" and its sequels)

- playing games (his favorite is Chess, mine is Scrabble) or draw pictures together (check out Google Hangouts)

- watching videos on YouTube or other sites (we watched all of Downton Abbey together, a BRILLIANT show, now we're trying to watch the Big Bang Theory together!)

- taught each other to play the ukulele and played songs for each other via webcam

- taking a break from talking altogether (he likes to go camping for a few days, sometimes I end up going to a convention or event that lasts several days) -- at the end of break, we talk to each other totally refreshed and with SO much stuff to talk about that it feels like we can talk to each other for hours on end all over again

Good luck!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

We have Reddit. All kinds of weird and wonderful stuff to talk about there. Sometimes when we're bored we'll select the Random Reddit function. Though that said we've never really run out of things to talk about.

[blueeyes79]

Thank for all of the ideas guys...And also I have to ask him questions in order for him to talk. Is that a bad thing?? he is a quiet guy...But when we are in person we have no problems talking and having conversations. I just noticed this a few nights ago...and we talked about it last night. He thinks its not good and is worried that i will end things over it...But we still wanna be together and he still wants me. We both agreed that what matters the most is how we are in person...I am going to see him in 4 weeks.

[pink elephant]

No, it's not a bad thing. For all you know, maybe he's more comfortable talking with you in person than over Skype. (At first, I was the quiet one and my husband had to do all the asking and talking.. now neither of us can really shut up. Heh.)

In due time, you both will learn what makes you grow as a couple and discover what you both are passionate in talking about. And you're definitely right to think that it does matter when you're both physically present together, but during the times you are apart, the moments you have talking on the phone or through voice chat will be just as important.

Just assure him not to worry - his worrying indicates at least he's aware of the "problem" and it sounds like he's willing to do something about it.

[HeartInTexas]

I have trouble thinking of things to say to my SO too. I can relate to your SO since I'm also a quiet person. Some times I just listen to my SO while he exercises or plays a game. Most of the time we just play a game together online and that brings up conversation as we play. If not conversation, at least random, silly comments. I definitely agree with pink elephant that you should just assure him that he doesn't need to worry. I don't think you should worry that you have to ask questions to keep things flowing. Some times it's fun to think up a creative question and have you both give an answer.

I've asked my SO if he would come save me if I trapped on a zombie island. I've asked what his zombie apocalypse plans were. I've asked him what his team of six would be if Pokemon were real. They're things that he's interested in and have fun answering. Some times I get less than desirable answers, but it's still fun to explain my point of view.

Any how, I wish the two of you luck! Don't stress too much! Have fun.~

[blueeyes79]

Thanks again guys...I did tell him not to worry because i wouldnt end it just because of the way we talk...But last night he was very quiet and seemed distant from me. I am an over thinker...I think to much. But he was posting and commenting on other peoples stuff in this chat page that we both belong to...That got me so upset and of course i was over thinking and thinking to much to the point where I made myself so upset that I cried myself to sleep. I know he wants to be with me...but also he has a very hard time expressing his feelings verbally. But he does express them when we are together in person. He never tells me hes pretty because he says stuff like that goes without saying...But then he will comment on a female friends pics and tell her she pretty...And that upsets me as well. I am sorry i am just venting....Thanks

[pink elephant]

If he's doing something that upsets you and hurts you to the point of going to bed crying, that is definitely something I would talk to him about.

If he labels that as no big deal, I would emphasize that the only way that you both can communicate right now is either by phone/voice chat or e-mails/texts/chats. Also, because you unfortunately lack the one way that he's able to express his feelings to you (which is when you are both physically present together), what he is doing currently clearly is not making you happy, and therefore an effort must be made to fix the problem.

It's easier to fix things when you're together because you can see each other, read emotions/feelings/gestures/expressions/etc, but when you're apart, much of that unfortunately goes out the window. Even using the best quality webcam can't always convey the atmosphere you both have when you are together.

There is another possibility that time will fix all this and later on down the line, you both will become so comfortable that the way you communicate will just become natural. But until then, I think both of you will need to be active and communicate your feelings for that to happen. If he is quiet, let him know -- no, remind him that you want to talk to him and be with him like he is actually there in the room with you.