Back from outer space :D

[alesitag]

Maybe some of you remember me and have read about how my LDR ended back in May and what a "great" job i did handling the break up by running to the arms of "A", the guy who was my boyfriend for 5.5 years, before meeting my ex-SO, Pat.

Some of you may also remember how stubborn I was regarding cutting off Pat and also my "new" relationship with "A" and how it was doomed to fail. Many of you warned me about it and I "ignored" your advice (although it was always in the back of my head).

Time for an official update!

After a month and a half of me and "A" being officially together, again, I called it quits. I never stopped loving Pat... Never stopped thinking about him... And I finally realized it wasn't fair either for me or "A" to be together.

During the time we dated/got together again, I suffered two anxiety attacks due to the pressure I put myself through trying to make "A" happy and feeling miserable for not being able to love the man he had turn to after our break up (he really worked hard to turn his life around) while loving/missing Pat like crazy.

I was emotionally unstable, due to all the sh*t I put myself through, but I'm working everyday to get myself back on track.

Now, why am I back on LFAD? Well, as you may have also read on some of my recent replies, after a month and a half of not talking to each other, Pat contacted me.

I believe in signs, and that day, when we got to talk again, I received some.

I was praying on my way to work, when I asked God to send me a sign telling me if I was with the right guy (at the time, "A" was still my boyfriend).

I got to my office, turned on my computer and signed into my imo.im account to get access to all my messaging services (Facebook, MSN, Skype, Gtalk, and the IMO network itself, where I met Pat).

Right after I signed in, I got a message from Pat (sign #1?)... He sent it at 3am. It just said "hi" but it was enough to make my heart beat like crazy. I took a deep breath, waited a bit and replied (he was still online). I said "hi" back and after not getting an answer I just told him I was at work and that I'd be there in case he needed to talk to someone.

An hour later he messaged me back...

We talked for a while, it was a bit awkward at the very beginning, but then we got more comfortable with it and got along just fine until he remembered I had a boyfriend. He apologized for contacting me and said he'd go to bed and take a nap.

While I chatted with him, I got a phone call from my mom. She told me I just received two packages. I asked who sent them and she said one was from LFAD... It turns out I had bought two bracelets on May 1st, and though Pat got his a week after we broke up, a month went by and I didn't got mine, I notified Michelle and she shipped another one since we assumed the package got lost... A week after she shipped it, I got the bracelet I originally purchased. The package I got that saturday was the second LFAD bracelet (sign #2?).

The second package was a shirt. A shirt people from imo.im sent me. As I mentioned before, that's how I met Pat, on the IMO network... Back when we were dating, he had told me he received an email from IMO's PR dept. saying they'd send him an IMO shirt for free and when he got it he said he would wear it as a symbol of our love. After we broke up, this girl from IMO's PR was offering shirts for free, I asked for one but almost two months went by and I never got it... Until that same Saturday (sign #3?).

We kept talking after that Saturday, being more comfortable with each other each time... Being more affectionate, but at the same time, refraining from going too far because I still had a relationship (that I had already decided to end regardless of Pat or the recent events).

We agreed we'll take some time to talk about us and where we're standing as soon as we're not too busy and our working schedules allow us to do so.

I have actually written down a series of things we need to address whenever we get to talk. Things we need to work on together in order to have a better and healthier distance-surviving relationship if we get together again.

I have no intentions to rush things, I'm enjoying being single... I'm enjoying this ME time and I feel happy .

P.S. Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post :P

[ushiwakafox]

I firmly believe in God and that he sends us signs in different, often-times discrete, ways. I also believe that while sometimes these "signs" may be real, sometimes they may also just be coincidence. Try not to get too caught up in signs, focus more on what's in front of you right now. He will take care of the rest

Who knows, maybe ya'll just needed a little break. I know a couple who took a break for a year, saw other people, and got back together. They're now married. So it's possible that breaks can improve relationships. I don't know your story, so I guess take it as advice from an outsider.

Just like you said, take it slow, don't over-think too much. Enjoy being single and learning about yourself, and that will bring you a lot of great things when you enter a new relationship. A lot of people commit themselves in a relationship, but they don't even know how to handle themselves. Getting to know yourself and growing as an individual person will help any relationship. I suggest actually telling him how you feel, that you want to enjoy being single, but also talk about things you two need to work on if there are any hopes of getting back together.
No worries!

[tanaquil]

Gah, that all sounds so stressful! I'm glad you got over the rough patch -- I could never do that :P I hope things keep on getting better! And good luck with the talk when/if he happens!

[alesitag]

ushiwakafox,

Youre right, the last thing i want is to see things that just arent there, but all these events were so shocking that i couldnt ignore them... While we were together i had other similar things happening. However, I'll be extra careful this time... And probably take some more time to enjoy being alone

Tanaquil, yes it sucked, but im better now. Thanks for your kind words

[Jessipoo]

ushiwakafox,

Youre right, the last thing i want is to see things that just arent there, but all these events were so shocking that i couldnt ignore them... While we were together i had other similar things happening. However, I'll be extra careful this time... And probably take some more time to enjoy being alone

Tanaquil, yes it sucked, but im better now. Thanks for your kind words

Ya sometimes you see what you want to see but the fact that you guys are talking is a good sign, you never know! I hope my ex-SO gives me that chance but seeing how he barely gave me the time of day towards the end of our LDR (when we were still together), I doubt it

Since the BU, I've had multiple dreams of my ex-SO, yesterday I had another (been a while I've had one) about getting back together. I would drive myself insane giving into those thoughts

[rebelcadet]

alesitag !!

First off I am so very happy to hear that you are holding your head high and working things out to be yourself. I dunno call me an idiot or a romantic at heart...but it seems like you might get a second chance. It's encouraging to hear things like this in reality...being just broken up by my SO I am happy to hear that things like this happen.

I for one am known to be very analytical and a realist...but inside I am a fuzzy romantic And I know this is totally cliche...but there are signs every where. (I think it was from a movie or something) Sometimes its about listening to the signs or just missing them completely. When you open yourself up to possibilities it works in mysterious ways. Another thing that someone told me that encouraged me was that some times its not all in your favor or in the time that you wanted. It's all in God's hand and it's God's timing to let things flow the way it should. Now I am not the most religious of person and I apologize if you are not religious at all, but in a way it really comforted me a little to know that there is a higher power looking over me for my well being. When one door closes another door opens. Sometimes it's an older door but a new path down the way.

Don't over think. That is also my problem as well I tend to over think and just keep going around in circles. Now I know that I let my head do all the thinking and should have listened to my heart. You should let your heart do the talking and listen.

Working on yourself is a good thing. I started working out and training (my SO is a professional trainer so I kind of used this to get something in common with him), but at the same time I realized that I really enjoyed exercising and fitness. Now I just want to have him know that I do share a common goal with him. Another thing I did was do something completely new! I started rock climbing. Surprisingly it was great fun and I made some new friends. Although my arms are quite dead the day after, but doing something completely out of your comfort zone is fun too!

And yes I totally believe in signs...I had a dream that my SO and I were together again and I take it as a sign that we are meant to be. Now keeping in touch with him lightly and letting him know that I still care and would like to be with him...but again that should be in another thread...sorry :P

And Thank you for the encouraging story!

[alesitag]

As I posted above, Pat and I started talking again, we both admitted we still love each other, he said he still thinks of us as husband and wife and he suggested we should talk about us and our situation, all this happened during the first week of august... we were really comfortable talking to each other and he already knew I ended things with "A".

Last time we actually had a conversation was 5 days ago, he was at work and I was home, so we just chatted for a while before he got too busy. The days went by and I left him occasional non-sentimental messages just saying hi or wishing him a nice day but never got an answer, until three days ago... I found weird he was not replying to my messages even just to say thanks like he usually did, so I just left a message saying I hoped he was OK and that I apologized if I did or said something wrong the last time we talked... later I found a message saying I didn't do anything wrong, he had just been busy then he said -and I quote- "please don't start this, if I don't message you, please don't create reasons".

I really didn't know how to take it... I didn't understand if he was asking me to stop thinking what could have gone wrong if he doesn't reply to my messages or if he's asking me not to contact him if he hasn't messaged me first... So after thinking about it, I went with the second one, thinking if I got it wrong, he'd message me back at some point wondering why haven't I messaged him, and if I got it right, I'd be giving him the space he needed.

It's been just three days and haven't messaged him yet... he hasn't contacted me either so I guess i got it right... I'm thinking he's got a lot of things to figure out now since he was the one who had more troubles handling the distance and I know I shouldn't expect him to be all cool all the time so I'm just backing off and waiting for him to contact me...

I had been handling it well, but last night was just one of those nights when you start thinking too much and feel like everything's crumbling down... I started feeling like I was wasting my time, wondering if he was worth the wait... even asking myself what was I doing with my life... I guess the freaking anxiety got me, but I was able to calm down and I fell asleep.

Today I am thinking clearer... I'll keep waiting for him to reach me and will stop over-thinking and keep enjoying my life as a single young lady (I'm going out tonight with some friends from work). If things work out again between us, great! if they don't... Oh well , at least no one can say i didn't try

[alesitag]

and so... we're unofficially back together. Still haven't had the time to talk about certain points we need to work on to have a healthier relationship, but as you can see now, I have a ticker indicating the time left to our first time together in person.

i'm happy and scared at the same time... and i love it