About to go LD. What questions do we ask?

[TerriW312]

Okay well I've seen a lot of advice on talking to your SO about rules and defining your relationship, as well as establishing where the relationship is headed. These are the questions I've come up with, but did I miss anything? Or is there anything I should add?

What are our end goals in this relationship?
What we each want out of this?
How to accomplish what we each want to happen (if they're compatible)?
What are our plans for the future?
How serious are we?
How does the relationship/ fit in with our other future plans?
How will we communicate?
How often?
Any other rules for the relationship.

Also how do you bring this topic up? I don't know how to start this discussion.

[Romeo s Juliet]

Also when are you both planning to close the distance? that is a crucial thing to know. a date is not relevant this soon, but you both should have a idea when the distance is going to end. and who would move back to be with whom?

just let him know that you love him alot and that you will wait for him, and want to be with him in the long term, and clearly tell that I want us both to work out, how do u think we are going to handle the distance and keep strong through all the missing and longing?
hope this helps
good luck

[TerriW312]

Okay great thanks

[rhomy]

It's a difficult task to find the appropriate moment, but you'll know when it comes. The only advice I can give you is "don't let him go away without talking about this".

My SO and I, haven't set many boundaries and after a year of being together (without seeing each other) the distance is becoming hard to bear with for me and I can't find the way to approach him on the subject. You have the chance and the advice I didn't have at the beginning lol. Take advantage of it! XD

Regarding the questions I think they cover pretty much everything. Just try to set a nice environment, private and tell him you wanna know a few things about your future together
He seems to love you a lot so don't be afraid, it's natural you wanna know those things.

Good luck!

[TerriW312]

Thanks and just to clarify, I'm the one that's leaving (going 1400 km away for school ) But we live in the same province of the same country so who moves when we close the distance isn't a huge deal. At least in the imminent future.

[Sanney4709]

I think the two posters above gave you some pretty good advice. One thing I would add is that you guys should also discuss when you will visit each other. It can be so hard being long distance but if you have an idea of when you'll see each other again then it makes it a little bit easier. Other than that it looks like you have everything else. Good luck! (:

[Kiyama]

For me the most crucial things to discuss were:
- when are we ending the distance (we set the date for August 2013 because it is when I finish my teaching training) --- looking back we should have talked more about how are we going to do it job and visa wise but we do that now so it's ok.
- I want a daily phone/Skype call --- I was aware it might not always be possible but that was a huge must be for me and we've managed well so far. We also agreed to text or send an email if calling wasn't possible to let the other know.
- always know when we see each other next --- I am in a very lucky position that despite our distance we get to see each other quite often

I think you got everything covered though. Good luck

[Alemap]

Also, establish what the boundaries of exclusivity are while you're long-distance. Don't just assume the other person knows you want monogamy; explicitly confirm it, and that it's what they want too, or otherwise find a relationship model that you can both feel comfortable with.
My beau and I were non-monogamous for the first seven months LD, as we figured effective celibacy was an unfair additional burden to put on an already difficult situation. When I saw him recently, we actually agreed to return to monogamy because, while there were no emotional, jealousy/insecurity dramas on either side, it turns out we're just too obsessed with each other for either of us to ever have been able to stop thinking about the other, even when we were physically with someone else - which we agreed seemed unfair and disrespectful to the other people. So, we concluded we're just not wired right for it, and chalked it up as a failed experiment, and returned amicably to a more traditional, exclusive relationship model.

P.

[TerriW312]

Also, establish what the boundaries of exclusivity are while you're long-distance. Don't just assume the other person knows you want monogamy; explicitly confirm it, and that it's what they want too, or otherwise find a relationship model that you can both feel comfortable with.

Ya we've already done that. There's another thread about him suggesting an open relationship while we're LD and me freaking out :P

[Sora1101]

What you expect out of each other when you're apart when either of you go out with friends or family. Should you let them know you're going out and when you get home? Should you tell them if some random person hits on you at a bar or where ever etc.

[lucybelle]

Also, establish what the boundaries of exclusivity are while you're long-distance. Don't just assume the other person knows you want monogamy; explicitly confirm it, and that it's what they want too, or otherwise find a relationship model that you can both feel comfortable with.

Boundaries- not just about monogamy, but other things as well. What crosses the line as flirting? Is it okay for him to have girls over? Is it okay for him to go out with friends instead of talking to you? etc..