distant behavior...maybe?

[stacyrose]

Hey so I was just wondering if I should be worried or if this is normal...

Lately my boyfriend has just been acting a little distant or ignoring me when we have time together. Last week he went out with his friends almost every night and we didnt say goodnight on webcam like we usually do becasue i was asleep by the time he got home. Lately on webcam hes always preoccupied talking to his friends in other chats or playing xbox live with his buddies and completely ignoring me except looking over and smiling at me to make sure im awake. I have spent hours on webcam watching him ignore me and not say anything until im so tired i just give up and get off.

And he's been making plans to go out with friends this week...not just guys, but with girls too. I'm not the jealous type and I know for a fact that he has no interest in any of the girls, hes expressed his dislike for all of them, but he makes jokes about it and kinda makes me feel icky. He's apologized for being distant and assures me of his love all the time. I think I'm just being moody and needy lately. Does this seem like something that'll pass soon?

[agentholli]

I think that it might be normal. I know that sometimes Mark will ignore me like this too...actually he is right now. He was suppose to call me, 4 hours ago..and he still hasn't..so...who knows. I think its just something that happens with guys. They get comfortable in a relationship, and don't really try anymore, or know or understand what they are doing. Like you said, you spend hours just waiting for him to talk to you, so he knows that. He knows that you will always be there for him, and that is "enough" for guys.

Where as girls, we are more of the constant need to assure me sorta thing. I can never take the ignoring to long, before I tell him how I feel. He says he will work on it, and he usually does. but then it goes back. It will be easier to know how he feels when you are in person, cause you will be able to read his body language and what not.

[NaNi]

That is just something that happens with guys? Thank God my SO is a woman then, because we surely didn't have those problems yet! It would really hurt me.

[Bluestars]

Hmmm...I really do not know how to give advice on this because it is a feeling that i have often had in our relationship, and I know that I do not handle it well lol. My SO gets like this every once in a while, so I wouldn't say that it is abnormal. I am usually spoiled by getting to speak to him before I go to bed, but every once in a while there will be a few days or a week works a ton and hangs out with his friends all of the time.

I usually deal with it in two different ways.

A) give him his space and make him miss you.
This can actually work. You could take longer to respond to text messages. You also said that you are sort of waiting to talk to him all day. Stop doing that for a bit to show him that you should not be at his beck and call. After he realizes that you are being distant, he might start trying to make more of an effort.
*Note: This sometimes works, but it sometimes doesn't, and if not, you need to resort to B.

B) confront him and tell him how you feel. When I do this, it can either go really well or really bad, but I think some of it depends on whether or not I am asking for too much (aka being too clingy, which can happen when I miss him really bad). You just have to be careful of how you word it. Do not say something like, "You are spending too much time with your friends and I want you to make more time for me." Instead say, "I feel as though we have not been spending as much time together lately, and I would really appreciate it if you could make a bit more time to spend with me. Maybe we could have a date night XXX." You can also give him space after this so that he knows that you are not asking too much. HOPEFULLY, he will get the message and try to improve

I guess I am like Holli because this usually happens every once in a while and he will get better, and then it might happen a month or two later. But in our case, it always gets better, and even though he might go through periods like that, everything always goes back to normal

[Angelieke~]

Yeah, I know that feeling. We also have those moments where he's not being so talkative and mostly I feel like I am the 'needy' one. But then suddenly it changes, and some days ago I even woke up with 3 texts from him! Instead of the other way around. So I really wouldn't stress out too much, even though it's very understandable . If you are really bothered maybe it's good to tell him, 'cuz he might not realise that at all. (And I definately agree with Bluestars options )

[April]

Thank all of you...reading this thread has been very insightful for me. My SO has a tendency to do the same thing. It upsets me and he knows it. But, I'm kinda thinking like you guys that it has more to do with our SOs' being males. Like Bluestars I tend to follow either Plan A or Plan B and he gets better about spending more time together for a few days, but he eventually reverts back to his old ways.

[Swederica]

Hmm in my point of view that sounds a bit mean.

Sometimes it happens that my friends want to play or talk, when i'm on webcam with my SO.
But i always ask her first if it's ok and make sure she got things to do too.
So from my view that's just mean.

I don't think you have to be jealous.
But i think you should talk to him about how you feel and go from there.
But no i doubt you have anything to be jealous about.

[Puramu]

My SO has been a bit distant sometimes, especially when it comes to his gaming. But what we've did is made somewhat of a system. Monday thru Wednesdays are neutral days, he may be busy, he may not be. We've made Thursdays to be 'our day', a day where we both try to only focus on each other and not get distracted too much. We try, but it doesn't always work, heh. And then Friday Saturday and Sundays he games and I back off a bit. It's not so bad though because I work during the weekends anyways, but it's a pretty good system, except when I'm feeling very clingy during the weekends ^_^; But I realize he's a guy and he needs a bit of space so I've backed off, but not enough that we've stopped loving each other