Insecurity SUCKS!

[sagittariusgirl89]

Ok so another post from me....yay....:-/

So..I admit Im insecure...from what? Not sure...I think it could be from my ex...we were dating for 5 months and he took my virginity and I just felt like he did cheat on me.

Ive been with John for almost 2 years...and he is a wonderful man...but sometimes I feel like he is too good. Does anyone feel like their relationship is too good to be true? I do, and I sometimes try to find things wrong. I look through his cell phone sometimes (I know I shouldnt)

So, in April my boyfriend went to a friends wedding. Someone posted a pic of him and tagged him in it. I looked,and it was a pic of him with a girl. Her arm was around him and his arm was around her...then another pic was of the dancing...his back was turned to her back.

Im TERRIFIED that one day John will cheat on me. Id be devastated. I texted john after I saw the pics and I said "I shudnt of looked at the pics...there is one with ur arm around this girl and her arm around u...i dont wanna talk today...im sorry. I love you. dont be mad" but then I realized that may be attacking him since he is at work and he wont get the text till he is on break..so i texted him again saying im insecure...ugh...

I think im just overreacting. I think he is being faithful...but i get vibes.

[Yei&Jon]

Trust me, I get like that sometimes as well. Especially when my SO is around friends that liked him or he used to like. He's probably being faithful to you but because it's happened to you before, you, for lack of a better word, freak out about it. I think we all do every now and then so we tend to attack/text them. I say, just talk to him when you get the chance. No arguing/fighting, just talk calmly about it and tell him how you feel.

[Zephii]

It's hard not to be insecure, but if they are going to cheat, they'll do it with you there or not, so you knida juat have to have faith sometimes. I too don't trust without wondering, though I wish I could. Hang in there

[Butterfly-x]

Hey (:
I've been reading your posts, even though i never reply but this time i think i should give a bit of my opinion.
Insecurity is understandable, and we all feel that way every now and then.. My SO has his insecure moments where he attacks me for no logical reason. It's the most horrible feeling because i feel so betrayed and untrusted and really suffocated, and i even have horrible thoughts of leaving the relationship because i feel i can never do anything right. My advice? Try to put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if accusations like that were being thrown at you ? If your SO has reasons to doubt your fidelity, how would you like him to bring up the issue? (surely not by sending you a text msg like that :/ )I dont really know the kind of person your SO is but he seems to be really patient with you. That is something rare, and i'm sure you dont want to lose it. You'll only end up pushing him away if you act like that.
Im so sorry about sounding critical, but the truth has to be told.
I wish you the best of luck
x

[lunamea]

if they are going to cheat, they'll do it with you there or not, so you knida juat have to have faith sometimes.

That is exactly what my mom always tells me and it does help somewhat to think that way. If he wants to cheat on you, he'll do it anyways and your checking up on him is therefore pretty pointless. I've done this to my husband, too, without any reason (I hadn't seen pictures of him with other women or anything at that point of our relationship) and it's definitely bad for the relationship. My hb also said that I made him feel like he can't do anything right and was hurt that I made assumptions about his faithfulness without proof/any suspicious behavior.

If you think about it, there will also have been situations in your life that could have been interpreted as possible cheating, when in fact, it was nothing of the sort. We all have our lives and we interact with people all the time.
All that is not to say don't be wary... I don't think anyone is above suspicion, but work on keeping these thoughts at bay and giving yourself a few hours of thinking things like that through before you talk to your SO about it. If the pictures were online and accessible to you (without hacking into his account ) I don't think you did anything wrong just by looking at them... the text you sent probably wasn't that great of an idea, because you were agitated at the time and didn't give him the chance to reply to your "accusations" immediately.

I have seen pictures of my hb talking/flirting with other women when clubbing recently and it shook me up pretty bad. He swears that nothing's going on, but I'm insecure, too and we're at a crossroads in our marriage and don't know whether we'll stay together, so this makes it even harder. Somehow, I do believe in fate, though. If there's something going on, I will eventually find out about it, one way or the other. I guess to think that way is a way to calm yourself a bit.
Butterfly's tip to put yourself in his shoes is a good one, too. I went clubbing the past weekends myself and realized that it is pretty easy to strike up a conversation/get close to strangers in clubs. I think that's not too different at weddings. I think it's most important to give him the benefit of doubt, though. I always need to remind myself that I haven't seen a single pic of my hb kissing anyone and as long as you don't see anything you can't explain away, try not to let your imagination run away with you.

ETA:
Another thought: if he realizes that you're checking up on him, he will not only be hurt and angry, but he might start lying about things you would otherwise freak out about and/or start "cleaning" his cell phone from potentially suspicious calls etc. If what my hb says is true, that's what happened with us and you don't want to go there. If he feels you don't trust him, anyway, even if he didn't give you reason to distrust him, he might just "hide" more from you (restrict your access to photos etc.)

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I understand I need to start just believing him until I have a reason not to. It really sucks being insecure...

[Bluestars]

The next time you start thinking things like that, just take a second to pause before you do anything stupid. Try to remind yourself that you are just being insecure/paranoid and push it to the back of your mind. Worrying if your boyfriend is cheating on you over small things like this will only hurt your relationship (like everyone else has said). Try to focus on reasons on why you know he loves you rather than hypothetical situations

[Beastette]

I thought I was the only one to get that way. It's been driving me so crazy I seeked out help online. I love my man even if we never met and he's good to me and I'm letting the past get in the way. I hope things pan out for us all.

[Caitlin2009]

Yeah i do get like that, especially when im PMSing. I tend to overthink things, Denise has been rewarded with long lasting patience with me and often verbally kicks my ass into shape when i start thinking things like that! i may need a verbal ass kicking tomarrow after i call her cause im feeling a little bit insecure about shit myself right now and overthinking things

[NaNi]

Insecurity does suck. I sometimes get slightly jealous even though I know that there's no reason to. I trust my girlfriend with all my heart, I love her and I know that she loves me. Completely. But sometimes I do overthink I guess. Especially when she's going out or meeting her ex-boyfriend (even though she doesn't even call him like that). But it's not that I think that she might cheat, no. Absolutely not. I know that she would never do that, because she loves me. It's more like... because I can't go out with her and show people that we're together. That I can't "do anything". That hurts me.

[Caitlin2009]

Yeah i do the overthinking thing too often, and then Denise tends to straighten me out whenever i do that like she did today heh....lol she keeps me grounded which im forever thankful for! It does suck to be insecure sometimes but it stems from our past relationships which thank god she understands but keeps telling me "Im not like him i wont do that, just like i know you wont be like any of my ex's" i understand where your coming from Nani, i want nothing more then to show off my girl to people and do things with her but i cant at the moment and it sucks, but i know eventually we'll be able to do that alot

[NaNi]

I think that's mostly it. She can go out with friends and do things which we would like to do together. Going to the movies, going clubbing, or just staying at home watching tv. Simple things. Things that most other couples can do all the time. That really hurts me. A lot. Especially since we can only see each other like 1-2 times a year. But I know that she doesn't want anybody else. I'm the first person she ever fell in love with and I love her too. With all my heart. It may be hard, but it's going to be worth it. Because one day, hopefully in the near future, we will live together.

[Caitlin2009]

its the simple things like holding each other in your arms is what i most wanna do, some people may think thats silly but yeah i wanna do all those things that you mentioned plus more but what i really wanna do is be able to hold her in my arms, the simple things most people take for granted are the things that i wanna do so very bad!

[NaNi]

Absolutely. Holding hands, falling asleep together while holding each other... I miss those moments so much. It was heaven. I know that being able to talk over headset or webcamming is a very good way to still be in contact, but I do miss her. Physically.

[Swederica]

I so recognize myself in that.
I've thought from the whole beginning that my girlfriend is too good for me.
She assures me that that's not the case and it's reverse that i'm somehow too good for her.
But i mean i'm not blind. She's gorgeous. And guys over there can't be so blind that they don't see her.
So yeah a few times i get vibes, but i know she's faithful to me. She's so sweet and kind, she wouldn't cheat on me