Seeing my SO for the 2nd time soon - I almost don't want to go...

[Jayburr]

I'll be seeing her soon again, next month actually, and this is much sooner than either of us were expecting.

In the days after we returned to our normal lives, we discussed a little bit about when we might see each other again, and because of her internship, we had no set date for any future trips. Most likely, it wasn't going to be until next year some time. Then one day she told me about how her family will be flying to California for Thanksgiving, and how, possibly, I could see her for a few days then. She wouldn't exactly be close by...she'd be about a 7-8 hour drive away but, that was of course no concern to me. I was very excited! Then not long after that, I mentioned how one of my favorite bands (and one that she's starting to get into herself) will be playing in her city in September, and jokingly suggested that "we should go see them!" I was expecting her answer to be something like "Aw, I wish we could!" but instead, she told me "Hmm, that could be interesting..." I wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking, so I pushed the 'joke' a little further and said something like 'I'm booking a flight and hotel now,' to try and scare her into telling me how she really felt about it, and she said 'Okay!' I said, "you're not going to tell me 'No?'" "Nope" she said. So, I went ahead and did it, lol, and now I'm seeing her next month!

So, as for the title of this topic...why am I worried about seeing her? Because I fear the moment I have to leave her again. It was so difficult for me to leave her the first time, and I really don't want to go through that again. Yes, seeing her will be amazing...but even right now, before this trip has even begun, I'm already dreading how fast I KNOW the days will go by when I'm with her... I'm not looking forward to having those thoughts of "this is my last night with her..." "this is my last morning with her," my last day, my last meal, my last walk... I almost don't want to go. I ALMOST want to just endure a longer wait to see her again, until one of us moves... That way, neither of us will have to deal with that depressing moment of leaving each other at the airport.

My question for everyone is, do you ever get used to the "departure" part of the trip? Do you ever get used to leaving your SO and, over time, is it easier to deal with the emotions that build up at that moment?

[Moon]

Honestly, nope. You do get a little more used to how it will feel, and you learn what to do to keep yourself occupied, but it doesn't really get better.

I HATE to even mention this, but after three years and a bunch of visits, the leaving is actually getting harder as we're more and more vested into each others lives with every one. For me, this is the hardest part of LD, but there's nothing that can be done about it. I don't worry about what it'll be like to leave, we just visit at every possible opportunity, and enjoy whatever time we do get together.

[Katrina]

What Moon said (I don't know how to work the quote thingie) "Honestly, nope. You do get a little more used to how it will feel, and you learn what to do to keep yourself occupied, but it doesn't really get better."

^Exactly this BUT you still should get excited about going and anticipate going and look forward to going because you will also get to build another bundle of memories of holding her and kissing her and just being with her for real.

[Katelyn313]

I agree with Moon. Even though Dylan and I don't have as much time invested (yet) as they do, no it doesn't get any easier. That being said, Dylan and I are relatively close as far as couples on here are concerned and we see each other every two weeks, just for the weekend. But Sunday nights are always awful. We have to part and I always cry. Do I realize I'm being silly? Yes. Does that make it any easier? Nope.

You will get into a routine of knowing what you have to do the next day(s) or week(s) after you visit. After I realized how hard it was to leave, my sister and I started 'Sister Day' We take the morning of one day a week (usually Wednesday) and spend that time together. And since I'm wholly focused on her and things she and I are doing, that's one day, for the most part, I don't feel the pain of separation.

I think it gets harder (like Moon said) because after a few visits, you get into more 'real life' things. The first few times, you're going on dates and spending all of your time together. The next few, maybe the other has to work, or you hang out at home or you do things with your family AND your SO. That's what makes it harder for me. Seeing what 'real life' with him could be like and then having to leave again. It's frustrating to start and stop, but you'll learn to cherish all of the time you have with them, regardless of how bad it hurts when you leave.

One thing that helps a lot the night he leaves is he will spray my teddy bear with his cologne. That way (for a little while) I can smell him. Since smell is closely tied to memory, it helps me remember the time we had, not the fact he's gone. Since it seems like you guys are apart for much longer than Dylan and I, maybe you can buy a small bottle of her perfume and ask her to leave you a shirt or something. Then you can have something that's 'her' that's still there with you.

I hope that helps some... Just try to cherish the time together and save the awful leaving part for the very last minute. After he leaves, I always get on this site and try to help someone else, or blog my feelings.

Hang in there, Jay... we're here for you And enjoy your trip!!

[sewbama]

Yea, there's always the dread of the leaving. But you learn how to deal with it so that you aren't constantly "my last"-ing while you're there. And of course, the visits are amazing. They keep getting better. We even lived together for a year (after six months LD, now LD again...) and the visits are still amazing. It's just part of it. I tend to think that "normal" couples that are always CD are lucky that they never feel the pain of leaving, but remember they also never get the excitement and that amazing "everything is perfect with the world" feeling when you see your SO for the first time in months. So just remember that perfect feeling of being in their arms, and know that it won't be all that long before you get to feel it again.

Go and have fun with her. It will be great.

[Kristin91]

Stop worrying about the limited time you have with her and just enjoy the time you DO have together! It doesn't get any easier, but you can definitely learn to appreciate the time you spend together more

[Sanney4709]

I haven't found that it gets any easier. If anything it gets harder. While it may suck a lot you should take any time you get with her. Instead of thinking about the day you leave try to live in the present. Remember it is never goodbye its "I'll see you later."

[Captivated]

I agree with everyone above. For me, each visit after was harder than the last. That moment when I had to turn and leave was heartbreaking. But you get through it. And like another poster said, don't dwell on the goodbye before it gets here. Cherish every moment with her.

[one-more-reason]

I guess I'm the odd one out here, but I've had to say goodbye to my SO twice now (we're international so we don't get to see each other often, but when we do it's for a longer period of time), and the second time was easier for me. it might just be dependent on the situation, but the first time I left him was after I had been studying abroad in Australia for five months. leaving was absolutely terrifying because not only did I not know WHEN I would see him again, I honestly didn't know IF I would see him again. we had made all these plans of course, but we had only been together for three months at that point and as much as I wanted it to work, I didn't know if we could actually make it with that much distance between us. when, several months later, he did buy a ticket to come see me and we got to spend another two months together, it strengthened our relationship so much. of course it was incredibly hard saying goodbye the second time, but after that visit we just felt stronger than ever and more determined that we wanted to be together, so in that sense the second goodbye was easier. knowing that we had done the distance before and survived it, and having all these new, happy memories to think about during the times apart. so it never gets easier, but having the reassurance with each visit that it is worth the struggle made it easier for me. just one more way to look at it, I guess!

good luck, and try not to obsess too much over the leaving. take advantage of every moment together and focus on how good the FIRST hugs and kisses and nights spent together will be rather than the last ones.

[Amelia]

I agree with the above posts the whole leaving idea does not get any easier one would think it might. It gets so much worse and it makes me think is it worth it after going from being completely happy to being miserable for 2-3 days. I hate goodbyes especially at the airport I end up trying to hold back tears until I get to my bed and then I just cry and eat ice cream I knows it's cliche but it helps

[Softy]

I don't think it gets easier no.
My SO wanted to come down for a weekend, because his boss doesn't allow him days off.
Not only I dont want him to pay 800$ plane tickets only for 2 days together....

But I fear the moment I'll see him again.
Because I know I'll cry like a 5 yrs old as soon as I see him.
Because I know that I'll cry again non-stop when he leaves.
Just thinkin about that makes me cry...

I miss him so so so so much that every 'departure' turns my stomach upside down > . <

[Jayburr]

Thanks for the input everyone.

It sure isn't reassuring to hear from most of you that it gets HARDER each time you part ways with your SO, but I definitely understand that I should focus on the present and not the departure.

This trip coming up next month was very unexpected, so, even though it's now planned out and confirmed, I still have that feeling of being unprepared for it...the same kind of feelings I had when I first went to meet her, hehe. It's weird because when we were talking about it last, she was very excited and I told her "Well, it's a lot less pressure this time around right?" She agreed, but now the more I think about it, the more I realize that the same nervousness, anxious, excited feelings are starting to come flooding back as each day goes by! It would seem that, not only does the departure get harder each time, but maybe the arrival as well? hehe

[sewbama]

Thanks for the input everyone.

It sure isn't reassuring to hear from most of you that it gets HARDER each time you part ways with your SO, but I definitely understand that I should focus on the present and not the departure.

This trip coming up next month was very unexpected, so, even though it's now planned out and confirmed, I still have that feeling of being unprepared for it...the same kind of feelings I had when I first went to meet her, hehe. It's weird because when we were talking about it last, she was very excited and I told her "Well, it's a lot less pressure this time around right?" She agreed, but now the more I think about it, the more I realize that the same nervousness, anxious, excited feelings are starting to come flooding back as each day goes by! It would seem that, not only does the departure get harder each time, but maybe the arrival as well? hehe

This is an interesting point. So my SO and I have been together for almost two years, and we lived together for just over one. That first time I saw him after moving away, I was almost as nervous as when I saw him the first time. I was worried that we wouldn't have much to talk about (we talked a lot), or that we wouldn't have the physical chemistry we had before (it was probably even stronger), and all those other little things you worry about. In the end, you'll be together, and none of that will matter. I don't think it will always be that way, but it was an interesting thing I experienced, and it seems you are experiencing now!

[Moon]

Thanks for the input everyone.

It sure isn't reassuring to hear from most of you that it gets HARDER each time you part ways with your SO, but I definitely understand that I should focus on the present and not the departure.

This trip coming up next month was very unexpected, so, even though it's now planned out and confirmed, I still have that feeling of being unprepared for it...the same kind of feelings I had when I first went to meet her, hehe. It's weird because when we were talking about it last, she was very excited and I told her "Well, it's a lot less pressure this time around right?" She agreed, but now the more I think about it, the more I realize that the same nervousness, anxious, excited feelings are starting to come flooding back as each day goes by! It would seem that, not only does the departure get harder each time, but maybe the arrival as well? hehe

Might not have been reassuring, but you got honest answers, at least

The arrivals though DO get easier! The first couple are stressful, but after that, it's really a piece of cake. For me it is, anyway
I'm always excited and happy, but never nervous or anxious anymore. After awhile, you know what to expect, and you fall right into routine, it's very nice actually.