I need to get out of this place asap

[Nbaby]

I cant believe how much i hate my parents now ( my mom and stephdad ). I just cant believe it. I am now even planning to go on this trip without telling them. Well i will tell them the last minute i leave. I cant trust them anymore, ever. Maybe i am overreacting but right now i am very upset and confused and humiliated and what not. I feel very disrespected by people i love. I cant take this anymore. I want to leave this place. I want to be as far away possible from them. I just dont know what to do anymore. And it is obvious they would never accept my SO. But that is not the reason i hate them it is actually a very long story. And this is probably a bad decision to make. I dont know i cant think clear for myself right now. I want to leave that is all i know for now. Sorry for the rant.

[redapple]

I understand that it can be stressful living with parents. We've all done it! But if you want to be taken seriously and have a good relationship with them you need to be mature and be civil to each other. I presume they are paying your rent and bills and if so you do need to be respectful. And if it's not returned then you need to rise above it. Absolutely hating living with them? Then make the steps to move out. It's pretty much as simple as that. It's how you spend your time with them now that decides whether the time between getting your own place is hell or bearable.

Running away, albeit telling them last minute will do nothing to help you. From your profile your 20, and I presume and hope the money for the trip is your own, if so you are right they can't stop you. But in the same respect saying something like "I know you don't like me and my SO but I've raised the money to go see him, and I'm going on this date, and I'd like you to respect that decision" is a lit better than "im leaving tomorrow and there is nIf they go on a rant, then you just calmly say that this is your decision, and depending on what there reasons for disliking him are,

[redapple]

Sorry on my phone- accidentally pressed send. I'll delete the above when I get to a comp but below is the finished message!!


I understand that it can be stressful living with parents. We've all done it! But if you want to be taken seriously and have a good relationship with them you need to be mature and be civil to each other. I presume they are paying your rent and bills and if so you do need to be respectful. And if it's not returned then you need to rise above it. Absolutely hating living with them? Then make the steps to move out. It's pretty much as simple as that. It's how you spend your time with them now that decides whether the time between getting your own place is hell or bearable.

Running away, albeit telling them last minute will do nothing to help you. From your profile your 20, and I presume and hope the money for the trip is your own, if so you are right they can't stop you. But in the same respect saying something like "I know you don't like me and my SO but I've raised the money to go see him, and I'm going on this date, and I'd like you to respect that decision" is a lit better than "im leaving tomorrow and there is nothing you can do about it" isn't going to end well. If they go on a rant, then you just calmly say that this is your decision, and depending on what there reasons for disliking him are, you still want to go.

As long as you live with someone and they are paying your way there has to be a level of respect. As I said above if you hate it, then move out but don't be a child about it! (And if you think its impossible then trust me its not- i was supporting myself completely at 19, it's doable)

[Nbaby]

Thanks for responding but i guess i need to tell more of the story so you can understand. I am actually 21 but i didnt put my real birthdate because i thought it wasnt needed and just randomly clicked some day and month. I pay my own bills and the internet/phone/tv bill. I still live at my mothers house. When i met my SO my relationship was alrdy going bad. He is definitely not the reason we broke up. And i know its bad that if u just came out of a relationship to move on with someone else. But i cant help my feelings. I just came out of a relationship from 6 years. It was my first relationship and we started when we were really young of course. And my ex still cant accept it. Meanwhile i alrdy moved on with my SO. But my ex just wont accept this and he doesnt know about my SO either and i wont tell him because it is too complicated and i think he will get really angry about it.

Yesterday i met my ex because he wanted to talk. So i agreed to it and told him i dont want to talk at home i rather talk somewhere in a restaurant. Turns out that restaurant was closed so we ended up at the mcdonalds. All of a sudden he wanted to see my phone. And i refuse not only because i had pictures and text messages from my SO in it but also that it was none of his business and that if i say no he should accept that. So he grabbed my purse and we were pulling at it. And i begged him not to let this escalate in public especially. Well it did escalated and security came up and we were in a fight. He eventually gave up and walked away. And i went home and took my stuff too leave again because i knew he would show up at my place because he still has the keys from my house.

I even believed that if he got acces to my phone i might have ended u in the hospital. I still have scars on my arm. But yeah i went over to my aunts house. And later my parents picked me up because they wanted me to come home. So later on i was home and my ex showed up and i totally expected that. My parents did not know we broke up (yet). Why? because of the drama they cause. And they proved that again to me last night. I feel like my stephdad is really controlling my mom and i just dont trust my own parents anymore and neither do they trust me. They even think i use druggs and pills right now and god.. I am so confused and my body hurts and im totally exhausted.

And there is no way they will accept my SO. So being honest about it will only make stuff worse. I rather tell them the day im leaving because i already know that if i tell them now they will do everything in their power to stop me. I feel like im threated like a little child but I am not anymore. But they dont respect me. Ugh i dont know anymore.. I just think that leaving this place is the only way to be happy again.

[redapple]

Ok so you have an abusive ex and unsupportive parents. Not an easy to handle combination. And you're unhappy where you are and cant see it getting any better- Why can't you move? I know its a big scary decision but it its going to happen at some point and now sounds like a good time!! Get a job else where, and move. Our go back into school. Obviously I don't know your exact situation but something!

I'm not sure if you thought I was suggesting you move to your new SO, if so I'm not. I'm on about becoming independent and rather than staying in a situation that you're unhappy in and obviously is unhealthy, doing something about it. You might not be able to move tomorrow or even in the next six months but if you hate it so much making positive steps to get out can only be a good thing surely? What is it that's keeping you living at your parents?

[Nbaby]

Well i am still going to school. And of course it is cheaper so i can save tons of money now. And usually it was "okay" living with them. But the past couple of years my relationship with my mom changed because of her new boyfriend. And just yesterday it really got out of hand and that was the last drop for me. I will definitely try to get a room now but i think i wont get it untill March so i have to stay awhile till then. I guess i have to suck it up. I am happy school is beginning soon and i will definitely get a second job so i can save more money and that i dont have to be home so often. But ya my situation made me think that i might move far away from them in the future.

[snow_girl]

There are plenty of people that juggle living on their own while working and going to school. It can be done if you want it to work, otherwise you just have to suck it up.

[lucybelle]

If you hate your living situation, don't complain about it, do something to make it better. Like snow_girl said, lots of people go to school full time, work part time and live on their own. I did.

[Keyk]

I'm also in school and currently living under my parents. Sure there are times when we end up having a huge fight that could result in violence but we haven't gone too far to not forgive each other. I'm sure your mom loves you very much and maybe your right her new bf might be the problem and the cause of her changing. But I will give you advice on this, if you suddenly run away, you will definitely hurt your mother's feelings, I know this because I admit in doing it once, she didn't talk to me for almost a month, and knowing that I hurt her so much and made her worry a lot hurt me back too .

Right now since your of legal age there is no stopping you from moving out though. I think you should put aside your mom and talk to her don't bring anyone else in the room, without her bf, this might help her clear her mind and have an unbiased judgement and no one would be able to affect her opinion(I'm assuming here that her bf is making her go against you). Of course I don't know your real situation and I also don't know anything about your mother but its worth a shot to talk to her. At least having her support will help you with your LDR and moving out.

[Nbaby]

Thanks all for responding and your advice.

I'm also in school and currently living under my parents. Sure there are times when we end up having a huge fight that could result in violence but we haven't gone too far to not forgive each other. I'm sure your mom loves you very much and maybe your right her new bf might be the problem and the cause of her changing. But I will give you advice on this, if you suddenly run away, you will definitely hurt your mother's feelings, I know this because I admit in doing it once, she didn't talk to me for almost a month, and knowing that I hurt her so much and made her worry a lot hurt me back too .

Right now since your of legal age there is no stopping you from moving out though. I think you should put aside your mom and talk to her don't bring anyone else in the room, without her bf, this might help her clear her mind and have an unbiased judgement and no one would be able to affect her opinion(I'm assuming here that her bf is making her go against you). Of course I don't know your real situation and I also don't know anything about your mother but its worth a shot to talk to her. At least having her support will help you with your LDR and moving out.

You are totally right. I should talk with her when she is all alone. I am not ready for it now but i will give it some time. I feel alot of tension in the house and it is hard for me to deal with it. I will at least talk to her before i will leave. I dont want to hurt her. I know how she is always worried.

All I hope is that she will finally realize that I am growing up. And that I am not a little girl anymore. I cant talk about her about LDR tho she would never let me go. I think I will wait a few years for that. Thanks alot for the advice.

[SquishyLove]

Get a restraining order from your ex and for God's sake change the locks! First and foremost, look out for your safety! Second, if the living situation is really volatile at home, you need to find a way to get out. You're 21, you've been a legal adult now for 3 or so years. It's obvious that there are control issues at play with your parents, and it's not healthy. It's high time you moved out. You have more control over this situation than you think.