Unexpected change of plans

[mynameisgirl]

Ok, so I was all set to go visit my SO in December, but now plans have changed. My cousin (who lives in the same area as my SO) is getting married next year in August, so my whole family is making the trip in that time and for many reasons I really can't go in December and then again next year for my cousins wedding, so I had to forget about my December trip.

The thing is, this means I wont see my SO for a whole extra 6 months, which means I wont see him until a year from now. This is just really hard, since I was expecting to see him in December and now my plans have gone and changed. I told him if this is too long for him to wait then he can just let me know and I will understand, and he told me he wanted to wait and I want to trust him, but I have so many insecurities that sometimes I wonder if he will start to think that it's just too hard being so far apart all the time. It's not that he's not a trustworthy person, I just don't believe in myself enough.

I know that once I see him again everything will be fine, and I'll be staying in his country for around 3 months so we will have plenty of time together, but the wait is just so long and I know my mind is going to wander the whole time. He almost dumped me a few weeks ago because the distance was getting to him, but then he said he realised it was a stupid mistake and he'd rather be with me even if I'm on the other side of the world than another girl who lives near him, but I there's the thought at the back of my head saying what if the distance gets to him again and he doesn't feel that way anymore?

I don't know, I just feel like seeing him would make everything so much better and now that I can't for a long time I just feel really insecure. I'm not even sure what to do about it, I mean should I tell him my worries? Or should I just keep it to myself, since most of it is probably irrational.

Argh my mind is just a mess of worries and thoughts right now

[stacyrose]

I'm sorry that happened to you....I would be just as dissapointed and worried the same as you. Obviously though if he believes that you are worth more than some girl closer to him he is a keeper...and all you can do right now is let the chips fall where they may and just trust him, and trust that he can wait it out. It's all you can really do. I hope and pray all goes well for you <3

[LadyMarchHare]

It's always heartbreaking when we have our hearts set on something and it ends up being pushed back or taken away altogether. I can understand feeling awful.

Being in a LDR is very hard so I imagine it's not uncommon to think of leaving your partner to avoid the stress and pain, but the knowledge you'd be leaving the one you love because of something as silly as distance hits you and you back down from the idea, you even feel ashamed. If your insecurities are eating at you, tell him. Let him talk you through them so he can either soothe your worries or at the least understand how you feel. You never know, he could feel the same way.

[Bluestars]

I can understand you being insecure after he almost dumped you you because he said the distance was too hard for him. That is to be expected. The only thing that you can do now is wait it out, and hopefully after a bit of time you will be able to trust him again and realize that he is serious about the relationship. My SO and I have had one or two conversations in the past about that sort of thing, and I was really hurt afterward. For a while, it was always on the back of my mind, but I realized that harping on it was only making me bitter and insecure, which was inadvertently hurting our relationship even more. Eventually, we were able to move past it, and I realized that he was serious about making this work.

If you are feeling insecure though, I think it would be alright to tell him if you think it would make you feel better. You could tell him that you are still hurt about what he said before, but you are trying to get past it but it will take time. He will then probably just reassure you and try to make you feel better

[Tanja]

I'm sorry that's happened- I totally know how you feel since my visits to see my SO have backfired several times.. I've always been pretty devastated but somehow I've never questioned whether or not he'll wait for me although he hasn't threatened to leave me like your SO did because of the distance.

Definitely talk to him about all this, even show your post to him(?) but he really needs to know how you feel and how worried you are. When you are across the world from each other all you have is communication and if you stop telling him how you're feeling things are gonna bottle up and blow at your face at some point.

I'm quite sure everyone in an LDR thinks of breaking up at some point even if they never admitted it to their SO's but it's still a thought in everyone's head when the distance gets unbearable. It's only human to have those feelings and they usually go away the next day once it hits you how lucky you are to have that special person in you life even though they are far away.

You just need to talk to him AND trust him, that's all you can do for the time being and I hope the heartache from not seeing each other in a long time goes away soon.