He took it really bad, I'm scared

[Sixx]

I seriously don't know what to do.

Yesterday I broke up with my now ex. It's something I had thought about it A LOT and, having my reasons, I decided to do.
Once I told him about it, first of all he didn't accept my decision because of how hurt he was I suppose.., I explained the why of everything, and he still didn't want to listen and became superdepressed, telling me that he will commite suicide.

Apparently he already booked a flight for next July and it was going to be a surprise for me, so he told me he would come here anyway, and didn't matter if I would go to see him or not, he'd kill himself here, leaving me a letter on the B&B he usually stayed..
He's sent me emails, texts telling me how hurt he was, how he is ''nothing special'', how much I played with him and that I didn't ever loved him (which is not true, it breaks my heart to see him saying all this stuff, after all we've had) and he has also been calling me all night, I even had to turn off my phone..

I don't know how true is everything he's been telling me, but it's making me feel awful, even worse than how I felt when I was breaking up with him. The person who leaves DOES hurt too, it's not only the one who is left!...


I've never seen this side of him.. I am scared. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, and I'm also scared because as my friends said, I should be careful if he's coming here and who knows what he can do to me the days he will be here I have to work, and he knows where I work, where I live... pff..


Please does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?

[MadMolly]

Tell him he is scaring you and you feel unsafe. I think that will maybe shake him into sense. He might be overreacting just because its so fresh. If it doesn't stop... call the police and say you're being harassed. Drastic but if you are scared you have a reason to.

[Zephii]

I'd also contact one of his friends or family members and diplomatically let them know that you've broken up and that it has made him depressed and what he threatens. Tell them you don't want to see any harm come to him and all that.
I know it must hurt terribly and it wouldnt have been easy, I hope the heartache passes quickly.

[Bluestars]

If your ex handled it this badly that he is threatening suicide, then he must have some problems and it is probably best that you left the relationship in the first place because that is not a healthy reaction.....Not only that, he is trying to manipulate you in the worse way possible, and that is not fair to you....I agree with Molly about contacting the police if he does not stop harassing you, but I really think that the suicide threat needs to be taken seriously.

Here is what one website says to do when someone threatens to commit suicide:

Take the threat seriously. Insist on getting help. If they don't agree to help themselves, then you need to go to someone who can help.

Do not agree to keep suicide thoughts or threats a secret. Keeping the secret won't help the person. And you cannot bear the responsibility if they do hurt or kill themselves.

Don't try to call their bluff. It may not be one. Reinforce the fact that you care about them and insist they get help.

Let them know you care they are alive.

Basically, you should probably tell him to get some professional help, and if he does not agree to it, you should contact an older adult who can help, such as his parents, your parents, the police, or a suicide threat hotline. Here is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...atens-suicide/

[Swederica]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Hmm i'm not sure whether what he claims is to be taken seriously, or if he is just trying to fill you with guilt to make you return.
The second one is something my mom is trying to do ALOT right now.

He got to understand how unfair that behaviour is.
I'm not sure what approach to take.
But try to tell him that his threats are not fair and not rational behaviour.

[lunamea]

I wouldn't say it's an unusual initial reaction to a break-up, especially if it was unexpected for him. I've talked to many friends of mine and a lot of them threatened to kill themselves after a break-up. Even though all of them are still alive today, I knew one girl in school who drove her car against a wall and killed herself over the failure of her relationship. I'll agree with Bluestars in saying that all suicide threats have to be taken seriously and, if there's any way you can do so, you should contact his friends/family immediately. If you talk to him again, assume that he is being serious and don't make him feel worse by suggesting he's only manipulating you. I guess there are people who say such things to coerce others or make them feel guilty, but if he's never before displayed such behavior and he is feeling as low as his words suggest, I don't think hearing that you think he's manipulative will make him feel better.

[LadyMarchHare]

It's actually a common reaction since people seem to think it'll make the other person take them back, but when they're doing all of that plus the threats, it's serious. That he said he'd still come over after all this is actually a threat because he could find you and hurt you if he's still worked up about the break up. Just because you ended it doesn't mean you were 'playing' him or anything. You weighed your options and it had to be done, and considering this reaction you were right to get away. But like previously suggested, get ahold of one of his friends or relatives and tell them what he's been telling you and the harassment and they'll take care of him. You obviously still care, but that doesn't mean you need to be his caretaker until he chills out.

[agentholli]

ill play devils advocate here...doesn't mean I dont think this is a serious thing, but I have heard so many times that "I am going to kill myself" routine. I have heard so many times people say that those who threaten it, don't go through with it. Its their way of lashing out, and making you feel worse then you all ready do. My ex husband said several times he was going to kill himself, and even told me how he was going to do it...when I left him. He didn't do it, he is now in Prison...so he probably wishes he did it...but also my ex boyfriend played that as well. My sister's ex husband played it too. I think its a normal reaction when they aren't expecting it.

It is awful that he has caused you to be scared. I really hope he doesn't follow through, and that he doesn't find you when he is there. It sounds like he just wants you to be as hurt as he is. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[LadyMarchHare]

ill play devils advocate here...doesn't mean I dont think this is a serious thing, but I have heard so many times that "I am going to kill myself" routine. I have heard so many times people say that those who threaten it, don't go through with it. Its their way of lashing out, and making you feel worse then you all ready do. My ex husband said several times he was going to kill himself, and even told me how he was going to do it...when I left him. He didn't do it, he is now in Prison...so he probably wishes he did it...but also my ex boyfriend played that as well. My sister's ex husband played it too. I think its a normal reaction when they aren't expecting it.

It is awful that he has caused you to be scared. I really hope he doesn't follow through, and that he doesn't find you when he is there. It sounds like he just wants you to be as hurt as he is. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I actually agree with you, hence the snippet at the beginning of my original post. My best friend's ex went this shade of ballistic when she called off their LDR relationship because he'd gotten way too controlling and paranoid. He threatened suicide DURING the relationship as well and though I don't know if he ever did it (he was crazy, so it's a possibility) the fact he went on for months about it pretty much lands on "no". It's an attention seeking thing, a way to get pity and sadly they think that pity amounts to love when you take them back just so they won't take a boxcutter to their wrist. But that coupled with the aforementioned behavior needs help. Even if he won't do it, he's clearly losing his marbles and might instead do something towards others.

[Caitlin2009]

ill play devils advocate here...doesn't mean I dont think this is a serious thing, but I have heard so many times that "I am going to kill myself" routine. I have heard so many times people say that those who threaten it, don't go through with it. Its their way of lashing out, and making you feel worse then you all ready do. My ex husband said several times he was going to kill himself, and even told me how he was going to do it...when I left him. He didn't do it, he is now in Prison...so he probably wishes he did it...but also my ex boyfriend played that as well. My sister's ex husband played it too. I think its a normal reaction when they aren't expecting it.

It is awful that he has caused you to be scared. I really hope he doesn't follow through, and that he doesn't find you when he is there. It sounds like he just wants you to be as hurt as he is. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I know i thought it several times when my ex broke up with me a few times, but hell im still here! I would have missed out on meeting my soulmate if i had done that. its only a fear response because your afraid you wont find anybody else

[Sixx]

After all we just talked again and at first he told me he had been thinking, and he will move here next month and didn't matter his family or friends there, he just would. I swear it all sounded like so.. obsessive he ignored whatever I had to say and kept telling me that we will be happy together, doesn't matter what I say
I told him again that I wouldn't take him back (and after seeing how he reacted, I wouldn't even have to think it twice)..

After an hour of trying, he finally understood that he had nothing to do anymore and started saying the suicide stuff again. I believe now they're just words because, I'm sorry if this ofends someone, but if he really wanted to do something, he would have done so without saying so much..


Thank you everyone for all the support, I hope he finally understood my position and doesn't even come here, I'll be careful anyway those days..
I'm leaving the site aswell, since I have no long distance relationship anymore.. Thanks for all the help, really!

[Caitlin2009]

nooooo dont leave staaaaay!!

[TiffanyLovesNick]

I would give him space to be honest. He needs to find himself without you. I wouldn't suggest being friends. It will hurt him a lot, but he needs to find himself again. He will go through a painful journey but it's something he needs to do to recreate his life/find himself again.I don't think he's trying to manipulate you or anything else that anyone said. It was a surprise, especially because you did say you've been thinking about it for awhile and that is kind of like leading him on. You were trying to find your reasons even while you were still with him. And I think that's the most hurtful thing. I can't say that he might do it or not. It's normal to say you'll kill yourself I think when your in a break up, because you've been with that person for so long, it's hard to adjust. It could take him months.

[LadyMarchHare]

After all we just talked again and at first he told me he had been thinking, and he will move here next month and didn't matter his family or friends there, he just would. I swear it all sounded like so.. obsessive he ignored whatever I had to say and kept telling me that we will be happy together, doesn't matter what I say
I told him again that I wouldn't take him back (and after seeing how he reacted, I wouldn't even have to think it twice)..

After an hour of trying, he finally understood that he had nothing to do anymore and started saying the suicide stuff again. I believe now they're just words because, I'm sorry if this ofends someone, but if he really wanted to do something, he would have done so without saying so much..


Thank you everyone for all the support, I hope he finally understood my position and doesn't even come here, I'll be careful anyway those days..
I'm leaving the site aswell, since I have no long distance relationship anymore.. Thanks for all the help, really!

Yeah, sounds like my best friend's ex. Actually that sounds like my dad, too. Yikes, yeah I'd steer clear.

And I will agree with you, having threatened suicide for years and even trying. The more you talk about it, the more you're saying "stop me" or "Give me attention." You aren't looking to end it at that point, you're looking for someone to give you a hug or whatever. Some people do go through after all that, but it's not that common and from the sounds of it he won't. He may hurt himself, but I doubt he'll OD on pills.

I agree with Caitlin, too. Stay. Just because you aren't in a LDR anymore doesn't mean you can't support others and have fun with us anymore.