When to visit?

[redapple]

Hi guys,

Just looking for some advice from people who are already long distance. My SO is currently getting relocated in SE Asia for 12-14months. I have a busy 'job' (I'm a PhD student in chemistry) and already have most of my weekends booked up until the end of October so I'm looking at visiting dates now before November and december get booked up too.

So here's my question; I have two options I can either visit early, like the beginning of November when he will have only been away for about two months or I could go over after he's been out there 4 almost 5 months. I can only really afford two trips over the year so if I go early then I end up having a big break til the second visit. but if I wait the 4- 5 months the gaps between visits are more even but I'm worried that as I don't know anything about where he's going I'll feel disconnected if I don't see him for that long.

From people's perspective do you think it would be better to go early so I know more about who he's with and where he is so we have more to talk about. Or are big gaps (6months) going to be more detrimental to our relationship? Any advice welcome!

(In typical boy fashion he doesn't mind!)

[Slater]

i would say that you should go early to check up on how he's settling in. Moving to another place always takes time to adjust and i'm sure that your SO would appreciate the company when trying to settle in. Also like you said you will also get to know where he will be for the next 12-14months and you'll get a rough idea of how he will cope (which i'm sure he will!), as well as again as you said being able to have more things to talk to him about. Additionally it will help to ease any worries you might have with his environment that he'll be living in. Don't worry about feeling disconnected because as long as both of you still arrange time to talk and hang out with each other in some way or form then you won't feel disconnected.

[tanaquil]

I've lived in SE Asia for a long time and it's a really nice place, so yay for you getting to visit!

There really are pros and cons with each visiting time, so perhaps making a list and weighing out which has the most benefits would help? I don't think big gaps are bad for relationships if you've already established a strong foundation and have good contact -- a lot of couples here have gone years without seeing each other! Personally (and this is PERSONALLY!) I would go a bit later just so he has time to get used to the surroundings himself and he'll be able to scope out some nice places to take you, so he'll have a better idea of his surroundings and won't waste time being lost/confused while you're over there :P

Best of luck!!

[Kiyama]

I think it really depends. I would probably wait. The reason is that I'd go crazy on my visit, knowing the next time will be horrendously far away. But that's a personal decision. I understand that you'd like to know where he's at and who his friends are and all that. It's a tough one, no matter what you choose. *hugs*

[hrp2007]

I would wait, give him time to get settled in, that way you don't have to go so long until your next visit and get a good feel of his life there after he has settled in.

[AABRCL05]

I would wait as well. Give him a tiny bit of time to get settled in and into his routine. Even though he says he doesn't care when you visit, it may be a slight relief to him if you wait.

[mllebamako]

I would wait to visit and have the visits more evenly spaced out.

[Dezface]

I would personally wait. I am trying to keep the time between my SO and I's visits as evenly spaced as possible. That's why I decided to in September instead of August so the next time we see each other won't be so far apart! You have to find what works for you though and waiting is hard so do what you find to be best!

[princessmeg1328]

I would personally wait too. As some of the other people said, it gives him time to settle in so he knows where to take you and things like that. Also, waiting for visits suck. If you're only going to get to see him every 6 months, I would wait a little bit so you don't have to wait so long for the next one. I say just give him some time to settle in. It's hard moving away from everything and everyone you know. It takes time to make friends and find out the best places to hang out. Let him discover some things alone. SE Asia is plenty big enough that there will be things for the two of you to discover together.

[redapple]

And here I was thinking everyone would say go early!!

[Caitlin2009]

i say go when finances, life, ect lets you. You never know whats gonna pop up, i would also wait a little bit and just save up money for a visit, also as others said wait for him to settle first at least for a couple of months, because if you go too soon and then leave its gonna be extra harder on the both of you, he'll already be homesick and you being there will not help as he has a job to focus on