Need a bit more advice

[Decrepit]

I'm very happy for the advice I got the first time, but I do need a bit more. Here's a bit more to the story. She lives in northern California and I live in Vancouver, Canada. It's a thousand miles apart but luckily it's in the same time zone and she gets to visit Winter break (for nearly a month) for spring break (nearly all of march) and all summer (late may early June depending on her track season till the end of August). Unfortunately like I said before, I'm not blessed with the ability to visit the first year (due to her campus rules and lack of money to pay to stay more than a weekend) or ability to follow her down for 2 - 4 years while she's on this 5 year contract. If this lasts through the first year and a half (which I'm hoping) ill probably be back asking if I should move down but that's something to wait and see about. My questions are, does It get easier dealing with her not here, since it's a five year contract, is it realistic to try and make this work for this long? I'd do anything for this girl and even helped her through her parents messy divorce, I always. Put her first and do whatever I can to make her smile. I love this girl, but I'm just wondering if it gets easier dealing with her not here and if it's realistic to make it five years waiting

[redapple]

This is slightly hypocritical coming from me as I'm a definite planner BUT take it one step at a time. When I first started thinking about my SO going away I had similar questions and was even close to breaking it of until I actually thought about what it would be like not to have him and I really didn't want that!

If you want to be with her then stay together, see how it goes, opportunities might come either to you or her and change the situation again, you just don't know! I'd try not to think of it as 5years (especially as both or your posts suggest this is potentially not to be the case and you could maybe move in the future) just see how it goes and take it as life throws it.

Also your extremely lucky with having so long together- take the positives not negatives!

[sewbama]

You never know when situations will change. You might think that there's no way you'd be living together for at least five years, but in a few months, that might all change. So yes, it's realistic. There's no need to throw out a good relationship because of what you *think* the future holds. My ldr could be longer than 5 years. It depends on where jobs are and when we finish our PhDs, etc. It might also be 9 months. And it could be less, if crazy drastic things happen. But I love him. So it's us, and none of that stuff matters.

And yea, it gets easier. You get into a routine. You never get used to them not being there, but it gets to where you can get through the day normally. The hardest part is the first little bit after a visit. Because you have to find your way back into the routine.

And it isn't five years of waiting. It'll feel like that sometimes. But you'll both be living your life, and growing in you relationship together. There's no guarantee it will work, but there never is, distance or not. So just know what you want and work hard to get it. It is possible.