my bf and i have been together for almost 8 months. and recently he has been going thru some rough times. He asked me if i would help him with rent eariler this month and i said i would try to. meanwhile i had applied for direct deposit at my job so it would go to a pay card rather then a check. i was supposed to get paid at midnight but it didn't go thru yet and when i looked it up the card i have says that it takes 1-2 payrolls for it to go thru. so his rent is due monday, and he has no money and i have no money. we ended up getting into a fight cause he is stressed out and frustrated and i'm stressed out and feeling super helpless. i said somethings that i didn't mean to say to him and now he said that it's over between us. i don't want him to go, i love him with all my heart and the two of us have been thru a lot with each other in the past 8 months. what do i do? do i leave him be in hopes that he will come back and talk to me?
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Leave him alone to get some space. Like you said you're both stressed out and frustrated, so you're not in the right frame to mind to talk calmly enough to him to get what you'd like, and he's not in the right frame of mind to have that conversation either.
Give him a couple of days space, because he'll still be anxious about rent until he gets that sorted, and if after you haven't heard from him in a week, initiate a conversation. Til then, try and calm down and figure out what you want to say.
My best advice is to be honest, let him know you were both frustrated, and that you didnt mean what you said, and that you don't want to break up. But respect his decision if he seriously doesn't want to be together anymore.
I know your instinct will be to go ahead and try to talk until the problem is fixed, but honestly, space is probably what he needs to calm down and sort his rent out. -
thank you for your advice. He was also recently laid off from his job and his landlord basically told him to pay the rent or leave. it's not easy and i feel completely helpless that i can't help him. and it hurt me bad enough to tell him that i couldn't help him, i don't like to tell him no i'm not gonna help you cause i know he needs me. he has made me that happiest girl in the world and it sucks that i haven't seen him since nov. and that i've been keeping him a secret from my family, but i love him and it's not just that "oh he is trying to leave i'm gonna say i love 8,000 times so he don't go" kind of love it's real true love. I have not been able to eat or sleep or really do much of anything some days just because i miss him so much, and he has told me that same thing. it's extremely hard to go from talking to him every second of the day to that eerie silence and empty text message folder. we depend on each other for a lot of things not just money wise but emotionally and i have a really important doctor's appointment this tuesday and i'm very nervous about it and now i can't even "hold" his hand when i go.Comment
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I think you should send him an e-mail talking about it. Say how you feel helpless in this situation and that you were both frustrated. Tell him you think you should talk properly when these bad feeling are not getting on the way.
I agree you should give him space, but not to the point he thinks you are ignoring his situation.
Have faith. Everything is going to be ok if you really love each other.Comment
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I think that Bbth has a valid point about not wanting to look like you're ignoring the situation, but if he's in as serious a situation as it seems like, then throwing in your issues on top of that is more likely to push him away than bring him to you.
And wanting to talk all the time and be there and not being used to not hearing from him is understandable, but you need to respect that he is an individual, with his own wants and needs, an even if he didn't really mean that he wanted to break up with you, it's clear that he wants a little time if he hasn't attempted to communicate with you yet.
If you both love each other like you say, I'm sure you'll work this out. But you need to stay as calm as possible. Clearly being emotional and arguing over a really really difficult issue didn't work out in a positive way, so learn from it.Comment
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From my point of view, I wouldn't let him be for too long. The mind can be a powerful thing to blow things out of proportion if given the chance. Yeah, let him let of some steam, give him a short break (I dont know how long "long" is for you, for me its like 4 hours lol) and then email how you feel and how you felt bad for what you'd said. Try not to inflame the situation, just calmly say how you feel.
The one advantage of a LDR is that you can send them an email and they can read it when they are ready to. You cant be interrupted/have the conversation take a different direction etc Just let him know you love him and that you *try* to do what you can to help. I understand he is in a tough spot but there isn't that doesn't make your issues in life less important.
Let him read the email and take time to digest it, hopefully you'll be able to get it discussed somewhat by Tuesday. I know for me, regardless of what happened, I'd be there to "hold" your hand at that appointment.
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