Parent advice

[Seventeen]

My parents don't know that i'm in a long distance relationship and i can't
Tell them, i don't know how . Help !

[snow_girl]

Repeat after me "I am in a relationship with someone who doesn't live here"

[lademoiselle]

Or if you prefer a more subtle approach, you could start by dropping your SO into conversation with your parents to introduce them to the idea of him/her. Whatever you do though, don't try to keep your relationship a secret indefinitely because that causes nothing but complications down the line (I should know)!

[Katelyn313]

My parents knew when I was constantly talking about 'my friend'. I usually use names when speaking about someone and my parents have a good idea of who most of my friends are. I finally told them I'd met him online and we thought we were pretty compatible. I told them what I knew about him and he and I even Skyped while the family was spending time at my grandparent's house so they could 'meet' him. That way, they knew he was 'real'. I know that was my parent's big worry. That their child is involved with a predator. Once they saw him and got to talk to him, they felt better. I like lademoiselle's idea of bringing your SO into the conversation... see where it goes from there!

The worst thing you could do is hid your SO from your parents (at least for a length of time). You want them to see this as a serious thing, you have to be open and honest with them. If they have a problem, that's a whole other thread But definitely try to tell them as soon as possible.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

[Seventeen]

It's not that easy to tell them because as they are divorced they are both filled with anger all the time and it sucks . I am so worried to tell them because i'm 15 and he is 20 and i think my parents would really have a problem with that .

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I have to say... I know it depends on the individuals involved, but I think 15/20 is a pretty significant age difference, and I can understand why your parents wouldn't like that.

I don't think you should keep this from them, but I'm not going to lie, the idea of their 15 year old daughter getting close online to someone so much older is going to be very very scary for them. They may not want you to have contact with this guy. And I can't say I'd blame them. But if you're going to be mature enough to be in a relationship, you have to be mature enough to take care of yourself; and at 15, that does involve being open with your parents about what you're thinking and feeling. Even if they're angry, they still love you, they still want what's best for you, and hopefully they'll be able to guide you and help you.

Chances are, if you keep this from them, by choice, and they find out... You'll be in a lot more trouble than you would be if you'd been honest. And so would this guy. You are underage, so you need to be careful about what kind of relationship this is, and how both you and your partner conduct yourselves.

On actively telling them... If there's one parent you trust or get on with better, or you think you can relate to better, sit down with them, and just talk. It's hard, but the only way you can tell them is by saying the words. Stay calm and collected, and respect that your parents won't necessarily like what you're saying. But I promise you, they will be 100% more likely to listen to you when you're honest and open then if they find out that you've kept it from them.

[Sora1101]

It's not that easy to tell them because as they are divorced they are both filled with anger all the time and it sucks . I am so worried to tell them because i'm 15 and he is 20 and i think my parents would really have a problem with that .

Sounds just like me. I was 15 when I met my SO who was 20 also. I know everyone is telling you to tell your parents but honestly I've been with my SO for 3 years and I still haven't told my parents. They wouldn't understand and they would just make me stop talking to my SO which I can't live with so I chose not to tell them. It's been hard sure especially when we started meeting, I've become an expert at hiding and lying and it's not something I'm proud of but it's something I have to do to be with my SO. I plan on telling them when I move out so they can't hold anything over me but until then my lips are sealed.

That said I told my friends everything, I didn't just randomly meet this guy without someone knowing where I was going and who I was going to be there with, they had his cellphone number and the number for the place we were staying at in case anything bad happened and they needed to come get me or call the cops or whatever. Never ever ever meet someone from online without others around who know what's going on. As long as friends know and you pay for visits yourself then I really don't think you need to tell your parents. Oh and when you do meet remember to look up age of consent laws where ever you'll be meeting, most places are 17 so until you're 17 you can't do anything physical with your SO or he could wind up in prison, even if you say it's okay the law says that you don't get that choice until you're of age. (this also includes webcam "play" and naughty pictures both of which count as child pornography)

Another suggestion if you feel like you can't keep up the lie, tell your parents you made a friend, start talking about him and maybe let them meet him on webcam. Let them get comfortable with the idea of you talking to someone online and then when they seem okay with it edge into telling them he's your boyfriend. That way they know he's a nice guy and not a total creeper.

[Jayburr]

You're 15, he's 20, your username is Seventeen :P interesting... hehe

Anyway, yeah telling the parents can be difficult. I'm actually in the process of doing that myself but, my situation is different than yours since you're still a minor, AND female.

The way I've begun this process for ME though, is that I went on a trip to see my SO for the first time just this last July. I told everyone I was meeting "a friend" there that I went to high school with and he'd tour me around some while I was there, pick me up from the airport, etc... Now, I didn't lie completely, because I DO have a friend from high school that lives there, but I wasn't meeting up with him...(the funny thing is that I actually did run into him by accident while I was there with my SO, haha).

So, the first trip went well. Now I have a second trip coming up next month, and when I tell everyone that I'm going back to this same place, I'm also going to lead them into the truth of it all because, obviously, they will ask me 'Why are you going back?' So far I've told 3 people and they've all successfully guessed why I'm going back - "A girl?" "Yeahh..." lol. Then I just tell them everything about the first trip, how we met, etc, etc... Pretty simple from there. Then again, not all parents and family members are the same as mine...

The problem I see with telling your parents is that, you are 15. To your parents, you are young, naive, gullible, prone to being taken advantage of, etc... I'm positive that as soon as they hear your guy is 20 and you met on the internet, they will think he's some kind of predator.

My honest opinion is that, if you are going to tell them, ease them into it, and keep the relationship (as far as your parents know) at the "we're just friends that talk on the internet" level. Let them become comfortable with the idea that you're ONLY talking to this person and that you aren't in any danger from just talking. After a while, it will seem like a normal thing to them (that you're talking to this guy), and your chances of them accepting the relationship (should it progress further) will be greater I think (when you're closer to 18...).

Again, ease them into it. I'm only 24 but if I were your parent and you, a 15 year old, told me you were in a relationship with someone online who is 20, my reaction would be pretty negative and I'd very much be against the idea, BUT, if you came to me, and/or, let me gradually discover that you're just talking with someone online, and that's ALL IT IS, I'd just tell you something like "okay, but be careful."

That's my opinion anyway

[Black_Halloween]

The problem I see with telling your parents is that, you are 15. To your parents, you are young, naive, gullible, prone to being taken advantage of, etc... I'm positive that as soon as they hear your guy is 20 and you met on the internet, they will think he's some kind of predator.

My honest opinion is that, if you are going to tell them, ease them into it, and keep the relationship (as far as your parents know) at the "we're just friends that talk on the internet" level. Let them become comfortable with the idea that you're ONLY talking to this person and that you aren't in any danger from just talking. After a while, it will seem like a normal thing to them (that you're talking to this guy), and your chances of them accepting the relationship (should it progress further) will be greater I think (when you're closer to 18...).

Again, ease them into it. I'm only 24 but if I were your parent and you, a 15 year old, told me you were in a relationship with someone online who is 20, my reaction would be pretty negative and I'd very much be against the idea, BUT, if you came to me, and/or, let me gradually discover that you're just talking with someone online, and that's ALL IT IS, I'd just tell you something like "okay, but be careful."

That's my opinion anyway

I agree with this. EASE them into it, introduce him slowly as a friend. If I was a parent and you told me you were dating a 20yr old I would flip because lets be honest here,95% of the time they guy is just being a pervert. Let them answer the phone when he calls, let them talk to him a bit before handing the phone over, ectect.

[Seventeen]

I have already told him that i WON'T meet him until i am 18 and i won't do any funny business . I was planning to tell them on my seventeenth birthday so that they wouldn't freak out that much but anyway thank you for all your ideas.

[Sora1101]

I have already told him that i WON'T meet him until i am 18 and i won't do any funny business . I was planning to tell them on my seventeenth birthday so that they wouldn't freak out that much but anyway thank you for all your ideas.

Waiting until your 17 to tell them will be difficult, be prepared with a story as to who you're always texting/calling and why. Make sure that you delete any "coupley" messages from your phone/computer in case your parents accidentally see it or go snooping. Just be prepared for a lot of hard work.

[Seventeen]

Thank you very much.