At what point are you too old to be playing the "silent treatment" game?

[Black_Halloween]

Wow shes acting like a flat out bitch, you STILL haven't talked? When shes around on your game, act like nothing is bothering you. Actually, act like you've never been better. Its a power thing, show her it won't work.

[Jayburr]

I haven't been logging into the game since this started. She has continued playing though, as I can see when she's logged in from the game website.

I haven't logged in because, if she does want to talk at all, I don't want to give her an opportunity to try and talk to me through the game. I already have a problem with her and the game as it is and I don't want that to be our method of communication in working this stupid problem out. I want her to call me. If I'm not in game, then I force her to communicate with me through texts or a phone call, and if she texts me to talk, I'm going to demand she call to talk because I don't want any texts being mis-read or mis-understood due to a lack of tone.

[Katelyn313]

I haven't been logging into the game since this started. She has continued playing though, as I can see when she's logged in from the game website.

I haven't logged in because, if she does want to talk at all, I don't want to give her an opportunity to try and talk to me through the game. I already have a problem with her and the game as it is and I don't want that to be our method of communication in working this stupid problem out. I want her to call me. If I'm not in game, then I force her to communicate with me through texts or a phone call, and if she texts me to talk, I'm going to demand she call to talk because I don't want any texts being mis-read or mis-understood due to a lack of tone.

This is the mature way and I feel, the correct plan of action. You really couldn't be handling this any better, Jay. I know it's rough and you want to give in, but, hang in there. We're all here for you

[Belle]

I completely agree with Katelyn313 above. You seem to be handling it very well and we are here to support you =)

[rixue]

I haven't logged in because, if she does want to talk at all, I don't want to give her an opportunity to try and talk to me through the game. I already have a problem with her and the game as it is and I don't want that to be our method of communication in working this stupid problem out. I want her to call me. If I'm not in game, then I force her to communicate with me through texts or a phone call, and if she texts me to talk, I'm going to demand she call to talk because I don't want any texts being mis-read or mis-understood due to a lack of tone.

I think you are handling this well like everyone has said, we are here for you!

[Jayburr]

Well, we talked today.

I couldn't wait anymore so, this morning I texted her. I told her that this needs to stop, that I can't take it anymore, that she's dragging this on way too long now and it's hurting me more and more the longer she does...that this isn't helping either of us, it's only making it worse...and to please put an end to this and talk to me... I got no response, most likely because she's too busy playing the game... A couple hours later I was done waiting, and was about to log in to message her and right at that moment, she called me.

I let her tell her side first, and yes, the problem was with our disagreement in game. She felt that when someone is harassing her, she expects I would be on her side about it, and that I wasn't supporting her. She says she talked to other people about the harassment and apparently, they all said she should report the guy harassing her, but that I was the only one who told her not to. (Honestly, all the people she asked probably take the game just as serious as she does, so of course they'd be like "Yeah, report that guy! get him banned! ya!" -_-) She also said, that if she can't expect me to support her in the game, how can she expect me to support her in real life? She also explained that when she's really mad, she can't talk, and she shuts down because if she tries to talk about the problem, she'll end up saying things she doesn't mean and that she can't think logically (implying she DOES think logically, occasionally...).

Then I gave her my side... Basically, I started off by telling her how she's been making me feel these passed 4+ days, how much of a wreck she's made me, how depressed I've been, how hurt I've been... She did apologize and did agree that yes, she should have messaged me more instead of ignoring me completely, but her apology didn't really seem sincere. It didn't seem to me that she really cared how this whole thing effected me... I went on to explain that I couldn't believe this whole thing was caused by a disagreement in a video game and that she takes it so seriously. I explained that I understood how it made her feel like I wasn't on her side, but that her comment that "if you won't support me in a game, how can I expect you to support me in real life" didn't make sense to me. I told her that I don't understand how you can relate the two like that because, how people behave in a game, ON THE INTERNET, is often way different than how they behave in real life. I told her that they AREN'T THE SAME THING. The same vocal 12 year old that talks shit in a game all the time probably doesn't talk so much shit in real life. I told her that yeah, if someone is harassing you in real life, of course I'd be on your side about it, but in a game it's different because in MOST situations in a game, and also, in THIS situation, it wasn't anything serious. It was some dumb kid talking shit. It's ALWAYS some dumb kid talking shit and I don't understand why she takes that so seriously and is MAD at me for not coming her to aide.

I think by this point, she was heated up a little more and less calm than when we first started talking. I could tell in her voice that she's probably not going to be considering anything else I say and won't change her mind or opinion and won't be thinking logically. She started to tell me that "principles are principles" and that it shouldn't matter what the situation is, that I should always support her. I tried telling her that it's not that I'm not on her side or don't support her, it's just that I don't take dumb kids talking shit on the internet seriously, and I don't understand why she does...

We discussed it back and forth some more but we were basically going in circles. She just doesn't want to back down from her point of view. This is honestly, for her, a very serious issue.

Unfortunately we only talked for about 20 minutes or so because she had to leave with her parents somewhere...probably for a labor day thing. So, I was annoyed at that because our talk was interrupted and who knows when she'll decide to talk again. There is so much that I didn't get to say, so much I didn't get to ask her... If things can be worked out and go back to normal, obviously, the best thing for me to do is to keep my mouth shut in-game and pray for the day she gets a full time job and doesn't have time for it.

[Black_Halloween]

Shes taking this far too seriously. Its just a game! It seems like she doesn't care what you're feeling and its "her way or the highway" type deal, tbh its childish. Is she too hooked on computers to not tell the difference between reality and the internet?

[Jayburr]

Black,

I truly don't understand how to talk to someone who can't tell the difference between reality and the internet. She is stuck on her opinion that "principles are principles," and that the situation doesn't matter. I don't know how, or if it's even possible, to get her to understand the difference...that just because I didn't protect her in a game, doesn't mean I wouldn't protect her in real life... She seems to really believe that that's the case...that I wouldn't protect her. I WANT badly to tell her how ridiculous that is, that that's such an idiotic way of thinking but obviously, that wouldn't help.

I don't know what to do here... I want to convince her, and get her to realize that she is taking this too seriously, that she's blown it way out of proportion and that this is over-reacting of the highest caliber , but of course, those are like, the top three things you should never tell a woman whens she's mad at you... (not generalizing all women btw...heh)...

I don't think there is any way to make her understand that it's just a game... So, if I want to salvage this...do I just back down? Do I just let it go?

[Belle]

Even if you let it go, it'll pop up again at some point if she doesn't change the way she thinks about stuff like this. Are you just gonna have to get all angry and "protect her" over stupid ish on the internet? Are you willing to take this stuff as seriously as she does? Honestly, it would be simple for you just to let it go but that won't change things. It won't solve anything. I think you have to keep talking about it and come to some consensus. Four days of the silent treatment over something like this is just ridiculous. And for the record, in response to your post question... 13. NO one over the age of 13 should have the silent treatment as a legitimate reaction to anything imo.

[Malaga]

I tried telling her that it's not that I'm not on her side or don't support her, it's just that I don't take dumb kids talking shit on the internet seriously, and I don't understand why she does...

So you're still refusing to validate her feelings about this. People have different sensitivity thresholds and it's not something you need to understand or agree with, it's what you accept or don't accept. And you've been pretty stubborn about not accepting the fact someone insulting her in a game does make her feel upset. You're bothered by the fact you don't understand it and even after she tells you she's upset about it, you persist in your opinion that you can't extend support because you can't identify with her feelings. You say her apology didn't feel sincere, but I get the feeling like all this time you're basically rolling your eyes at her and the initial reason she was upset.

As far as I understand, she didn't ask you to talk to the person who insulted her or fight her battles, she asked for support at a time she was upset. I don't think it was unreasonable of her to get upset over someone calling her names, whether it's on the internet or real life. Nobody likes to hear that in any form. Just because you're able to brush it off, it doesn't mean she has to do the same. You can't dictate what she has the right to be upset about.

I do think she should've been more mature about the issue and talked to you about it instead of just ignoring you, that's immature and hurtful. But if you've been just as stubborn and cynical during your initial argument as you are in all your posts in this thread, then I can sort of understand her reaction as an exasperated frustration over the fact you basically think her feelings are stupid.

[Nbaby]

Seriously this girl needs to wake up. Real life isnt a GAME. Relationship ( especially LDR ) isnt a GAME. If she doesnt realize this fast it will be GAME OVER.

[Jayburr]

So you're still refusing to validate her feelings about this. People have different sensitivity thresholds and it's not something you need to understand or agree with, it's what you accept or don't accept. And you've been pretty stubborn about not accepting the fact someone insulting her in a game does make her feel upset. You're bothered by the fact you don't understand it and even after she tells you she's upset about it, you persist in your opinion that you can't extend support because you can't identify with her feelings. You say her apology didn't feel sincere, but I get the feeling like all this time you're basically rolling your eyes at her and the initial reason she was upset.

As far as I understand, she didn't ask you to talk to the person who insulted her or fight her battles, she asked for support at a time she was upset. I don't think it was unreasonable of her to get upset over someone calling her names, whether it's on the internet or real life. Nobody likes to hear that in any form. Just because you're able to brush it off, it doesn't mean she has to do the same. You can't dictate what she has the right to be upset about.

I do think she should've been more mature about the issue and talked to you about it instead of just ignoring you, that's immature and hurtful. But if you've been just as stubborn and cynical during your initial argument as you are in all your posts in this thread, then I can sort of understand her reaction as an exasperated frustration over the fact you basically think her feelings are stupid.

Thank you Malaga for giving me your thoughts.

Let me just clarify that this person harassing her is not why she's mad at me. She wasn't "hurt" by anything this person said, so it doesn't have anything to do with her being oversensitive to someone talking crap to her. It has to do with the fact that she feels she HAS to respond to every troll that gets the fire burning under her, and she's mad because she feels I wasn't on her side about it. Ideally, she WANTS me to tell her "Yeah, report that guy! He's an ass!" etc...but really in my head I'm thinking "You know, you didn't have to talk shit back to this guy, you could have just blocked him and moved on, but now, you're fueling the fire and complaining about being harassed..."

So, lets say this were a real life situation... I can validate her feelings all day every day, but does that mean she's completely innocent in the cause of it? That's what I am trying to get across when I tell her that I don't take people like that on the internet seriously. I explain how I deal with it, so that she may know that there is a way to avoid confrontation, that she doesn't HAVE to respond to every troll that harasses her. She doesn't HAVE to talk shit back and start a huge pointless fight with them.

Is it more my duty to stand behind her no matter what the situation is, even if her behavior is the cause of the problem? Or do you think I am in the wrong for wanting to suggest she CHANGE and not take dumb kids talking shit on the internet so seriously?

I feel like that's basically saying that it's okay for her to respond the way she does to these things, and I should just accept it?

[rixue]

I tried telling her that it's not that I'm not on her side or don't support her, it's just that I don't take dumb kids talking shit on the internet seriously, and I don't understand why she does...

You don't take it seriously but she does, and like Malaga said you have to accept it. Your SO was provoking the other individual after harassment, but some people get that way when their feelings are hurt. Let your SO know you didn't think the harassment had hurt her feelings and you might have been insensitive about the situation. Again reassure her you will be there for her and protect her if anything like that came up in real life. I agree though she shouldn't have ignored you for a few days, that was pretty immature. Besides that I don't know what to tell you :/ this is something you both just have to work out.

Edit: Just saw what you said Jay after Malaga so you can ignore this if you want xD

[Malaga]

Validating her feelings doesn't mean you have to agree with everything she does and that you shouldn't point out her mistakes (it's always good to be honest). It's just a mature way of resolving conflict without making the other person feel like a loser. You tried to explain to her how you deal with trolls, but you speak from the position of a person who, as you said, doesn't understand her point of view. This automatically causes alienation.

"I'm sorry you're upset. Nobody should have the right to harass you. It sucks that people use the game to troll on others. I think in the future it would be best to just block people like that, don't even give them a chance to talk shit to you. Getting involved just fuels the conflict. Screw those guys! Why waste time on flame wars when there's game to be played."
As opposed to: "I don't even know why you get so worked up about this, it's only some dumb kid on the internet."

If you say something like the first example, you acknowledge that to her this is something important enough to warrant an emotional reaction, even if it's flawed, while in the second example you dismiss what is important to her. The first one should help her calm down and probably be more receptive to your suggestions for improvement, the second one will make her feel denied and frustrated.

The real issue here is that gaming is obviously a big part of her life and she takes it seriously, and because of that she gets worked up over things happening in the game, more than you do. This is what you should either accept or not, but it seems like you'd rather change her to adopt your point of view. This is never a good premise.

Nobody says you should accept her values (I know I could never date a gamer) but she is who she is and you can't just re-model her according to your principles.

[Jayburr]

I appreciate your suggestion Malaga.

I am just wondering then, if I am to accept that she takes the game as seriously as she does, should SHE accept that I DON'T take it as seriously?