At what point are you too old to be playing the "silent treatment" game?

[Jezah]

Even if you do not take someone trolling you on the internet seriously, doesn't mean you shouldn't valid her feelings. Her reaction of ignoring you was petty and immature, but her feelings are her feelings. You cannot tell someone they don't have a right to feel a certain way, feelings are not right or wrong. She obviously feels the need to defend herself when she is attacked, and that is her right. You say she wasn't hurt by what the troll said yet her actions say otherwise. If she was really so unruffled by it and it didn't hurt her WHY would she have felt the need to defend herself and why would she have reacted so strongly when YOU didn't. Perhaps she was hurt but after hearing your reaction she feels embarrassed to admit it. I mean frankly, if someone did something to hurt me and HBB immediately said "Oh that is nothing, its so stupid" I would feel pretty dumb admitting that to me it wasn't.

I would say you need to understand not everybody is as laid back about trolls as you are. Me personally, I feel attacked easily and tend to get upset when people call me stupid or ugly even if just on Youtube comments (that den of trolls). HBB knows this, and even though he is a very laid back guy and pretty much nothing ruffles him...he knows I am not the same way so he doesn't belittle me for feeling the way I do. He will let me vent, support me and even defend me if he thinks it necessary. As someone said to me on one of my threads, you cannot expect her to be you. You cannot turn her into you. She is who she is, and that means she may take somethings differently or handle them differently than you and that is her right. You can offer advice on how to handle it differently, but if she doesn't take it that is her right. It isn't hurting you any that she gets this upset over trolls, the only thing that is hurting you is your adamant refusal to acknowledge that for whatever reason she needed your support and you didn't give it. You have every right to feel how you feel about being trolled, just like she does.

[Jayburr]

Well, I can give more details as to what this troll encounter was like that makes it seem pretty obvious to me that she doesn't understand how she is part of the cause...

So, this troll messages her, though I don't know exactly what he said, she was telling myself and some others that he was pissed off at her for doing whatever it is she was doing. SHE then tells us, that her responses to him were 'haha u mad bro?' 'keep it up I love it!' etc...basically, she was provoking the situation further. She was not offended by this person or hurt by him. She egged him on... So then she starts talking about how she wants to report him and get him banned, and I basically told her that they won't do anything, because you can't fan the flames while at the same time complaining that it's too hot... And then this situation happens, and she determines that apparently i didn't have her back in-game, which means I also wouldn't have her back in real life...

Edit:

Before we hung up earlier, she told me she'd call me "when I have time," and, big surprise, she's home now and logged into the game. She has time to game but not to talk to me, great...

[Snowlilly]

So this has been going on for a week now? I would have absolutely no patience with that kind of treatment from someone who supposedly loves me. Maybe it is my age, I dunno but I would be so done with that.

[Jayburr]

So this has been going on for a week now? I would have absolutely no patience with that kind of treatment from someone who supposedly loves me. Maybe it is my age, I dunno but I would be so done with that.

Wednesday night this started...

[Jezah]

She may have been bluffing, I have done that before with trolls, trying to act like I was playing along cause I cared so little. However inside I was feeling pretty low.

I am not saying this is her motive, but I am saying it MAY be. However this incessant ignoring you thing should be getting old by now, she needs to realize that its not like you killed her puppy...you didn't see her side and she felt you didn't support her....however at this point the "punishment" doesn't fit the crime. Over a week is excessive and if I was you, I would just ignore her completely and wait for her to come to you. Right now she is probably getting a kick out of making you beg, its a control thing, so don't feed into it. Act like she doesn't exist, play the game, have fun but don't contact her. She is being petty

[Black_Halloween]

I am not saying this is her motive, but I am saying it MAY be. However this incessant ignoring you thing should be getting old by now, she needs to realize that its not like you killed her puppy...you didn't see her side and she felt you didn't support her....however at this point the "punishment" doesn't fit the crime. Over a week is excessive and if I was you, I would just ignore her completely and wait for her to come to you. Right now she is probably getting a kick out of making you beg, its a control thing, so don't feed into it. Act like she doesn't exist, play the game, have fun but don't contact her. She is being petty[/QUOTE]
agreed

[XxFranticLovexX]

How old is she? This all just seems really pointless and childish.

I play games. I have dealt with trolls, and I have gamed with my bf (as well as my ex). There is no amount of trolling and being upset in game that has ever carried over into real life for this long for me. Yeah, I have gotten upset at my ex in game and it effected how I acted toward him in real life, but that was all resolved and pretty much forgotten about within the same day. I have had a few times where my ex/bf/friends/etc didn't support something that I said/did in game but I got over it. Not everyone feels the same way about the same things.

From the way it sounds, she is either enjoying making you pretty much beg, is trying to get space from you but going about it wrong, or is just being extremely childish. I realize that she is upset because you 'didn't support her', but communication is a big part of a relationship, especially a long distance relationship. To her, she had a right to be upset, but carrying it out for almost a week is ridiculous. Her behavior here could eventually kill the relationship that the two of you have. She really needs to grow up a bit and realize that not every petty thing matters and there is more at risk here than how she feels about things in her game.

[Jayburr]

She's older than me by a little bit.

You know, I ALMOST want to ask her "If you had to choose between continuing to play a game, or a relationship with me, which would you choose?" I have a feeling she wouldn't answer. She wouldn't answer because she'd feel embarrassed to admit that she chooses the game over me.

If she were to ask me that question, it's not even something I need to think about because I already know that, I wouldn't just give up the game, I'd give up pretty much ANYTHING to be with her. I would give up anything...anything at all, even the things I LOVE...I LOVE snowboarding, probably in the same way she loves the games but I would give it up, along with everything else I love. Unfortunately, it seems to me that she just doesn't care for me the same way I do for her. If she did, she wouldn't be putting me through this.

[Malaga]

I am just wondering then, if I am to accept that she takes the game as seriously as she does, should SHE accept that I DON'T take it as seriously?

But she doesn't expect you to argue with trolls like she does, or to be as excited about the game. She just expects you to understand that she is. And you expect her to be more like you.
So she's immature in her behaviour online. It's annoying but you can point it out without being dismissive. If this is someone you care about, then you don't want them to feel stupid and patronised.

She has communication issues which definitely need addressing, but you have a problem of fundamentally not accepting who she is. The fact you considered setting up an ultimatum just goes to show. There's nothing wrong with, say, negotiating she spends less time in the game and more with you, there's nothing wrong with not accepting her obsession and just moving on, but being dismissive about it like the game is your rival and she has to choose, that's just controlling.

I think this is going to drag on until you extend more understanding to who she is and what's important to her. If she feels accepted, she'll be more open to your suggestions, because she'll know they come out of respect. If she doesn't feel accepted, she'll be stubborn about it. And you'll be here at the forum telling us how ridiculous she and her obsessions are.

Well my point isn't to harass you and I doubt we can get on the same page about this, so I'll vacate this thread. Still, if you want to talk, feel free to message me.

Good luck with everything! xx

[Jezah]

But she doesn't expect you to argue with trolls like she does, or to be as excited about the game. She just expects you to understand that she is. And you expect her to be more like you.

This. Pretty much what I was trying to say in my post, Malaga is just more succinct