Met online? How did you tell your parents?

[IMWY]

I'm interested in finding out about how those of you who met your SO online told your parents about him/her?

I know my mom isn't gonna approve at all, especially if she knows we met online (since she's extremely overprotective and everyone you meet online is obviously a serial killer ), so I've been putting it off, but "hiding" my relationship with my boyfriend is making me feel guilty since he's so out-in-the-open with his family.

I'm just interested in finding out how you all did it and how long you'd been together, how it went, etc.
And if you think it's okay to omit the fact that you met them online? haha

[rixue]

I was pretty sure my parents would reject the idea of a guy from the internet visiting their daughter since they are normally way overprotective. Could he have visited my city and stayed at a hotel and we could hang out without my parents knowing? Yes, but we both decided against going that route. We wanted to be upfront and honest about our relationship and wanted him to be able to get to know my parents and vice versa. Plus that would kill the trust factor with my parents and my SO (also with me). I told my parents about him the day after we officially started going out and the conversation pretty much went like this:

"There is this guy that I like, and it would mean a lot to me if you were able to meet him and get to know him. The only issue with that is he lives in West Virginia, and we met over the internet. Since I am currently on winter break I was thinking he could possibly come and visit for a few days." And surprisingly enough my parents were receptive to the idea (my dad more so than my mother).

My mother did set some ground rules for his visit: He had to stay in a hotel, no going back to his hotel room, we would have to be chaperoned if we left to go anywhere, and things like that. Since I am 22 I should be able to do what I want right? Technically yes, but I live under my parents roof and what they say goes. Even though my SO and I were not crazy about the rules for his visit, at least he was able to visit me. After the first few hours of my SO 's visit my parents completely scraped the idea of us having to be chaperoned for every activity we did. They really warmed up to him and saw he was not the stereotypical "creepy guy over the internet who wants to harm my daughter". My mom actually made a joke about that. Skip forward a few days into my SO's visit and my mom approached me saying he did not have to stay at the hotel for the remainder of his visit and could stay at our house (with some rules of course).

TLDR: I think you should not keep your relationship a secret.

[Jayburr]

I am gradually telling my family about my SO now that I have a second trip planned to go see her.

For the first trip, I told everyone that I was going to meet up with a friend from high school that lived there, and he would pick me up at the airport, tour me around, etc... Only a couple close friends knew what I was really traveling there for... I didn't want to start out having told everyone about my SO when I hadn't met her yet and especially before either of us knew we would like each other or work out, you know? I didn't want to have any more pressure on me than I already had, and if things didn't work out, I didn't want to have to tell my whole family that the trip was a bomb when I got back. Of course, everything worked out perfectly for us and I couldn't have been happier...

So, I decided I would start to tell my family once I had a second trip planned. I'd tell them I'm going back to this place, and they of course would ask "Why are you going back?" and then, I tell them the truth! So far, I've told three people and they've all been able to correctly guess WHY I am going back... "A girl?" "Yeahhhh..." hehe, and it's all been taken pretty well. They are happy for me and all tell me that they thought something seemed a little funny about how I was going about my first trip, hehe. From that point on, I just told them about how we met, and that things just happened the way that they happened, and turned out very well. It is what it is.

Not all parents are the same though... My family is fairly laid back and accepting of almost anything so, telling them has been easy for me so far. My main issue was, as I mentioned before, had I told them everything before my first trip, I just didn't want to deal with the potential disappointment upon my return if I had to tell them things didn't work out. I wanted to be sure my SO was real, and that our relationship could be real, before I went and told anyone about it.

Then again, I am a guy, I'm 24, and I don't live with my parents so, those are a few other factors that make things quite a bit easier, hehe.

[Black_Halloween]

I could have written this, no lie. I'm having the same issue with my parents, everybody from the internet is a pedophile I know I have to suck it up and tell them soon though. It'll be hard because they criticize every little thing (i'm sure they'll flip when they find out he doesn't have a job and isn't in school at the moment even though he's trying). They'll wanna talk to him and his grandmother too lol. I feel guilty too cuse his family loves me and they already consider me family. I know it'll suck at first, but tell them. <3

[kittyo9]

I've had two relationships that began on the internet that I told my parents about. The first one was when I was 15, and I was terrified of telling my mom because I knew she would think "omg everyone is a pedophile." It was about a year into our relationship when I finally told her. It happened because I wanted to write him a letter to him for his birthday, and I was afraid that she would catch me and there would be lots of uncomfortable questions, so I just asked her for permission and we talked a little about it and things were awkward for a bit.

There was a lot of tension during that relationship between my parents and myself because I was "young" (16/17) and met him on the internet. My mom refused to let me go to him and refused to let him stay with us if he came to see me. He also came from a poor family, so we had very few options.

My current relationship is the second one. I don't really recall how I told my parents-- I don't think I ever just flat out told them. I remember mentioning him in conversations as "my friend" for a little while, both before and during the first few months we were dating. Eventually they just figured out that it was someone special, and since we'd been through this before but I was older, they didn't pressure me as much. I did, however, have a hell of a time convincing my mother to allow me to go visit him in Peru. Actually, I didn't convince her. She still didn't want to let me go, but I went anyway because I'm 21 and I worked for my money and I am not stupid. Once I told her I was going, she told the whole family, and then everyone knew.

[lademoiselle]

With my mum it was fairly straightforward since she knew about my account on the website where I met my SO; within days of him and I starting to exchange messages, I told my mum I'd made a new friend, and look how much we had to say to each other! I swear she figured out where the whole thing was headed way before I did, haha When the time came for my SO and I to meet one another offline though, my mum was pretty nervous. I didn't help at all by losing track of time and coming back quite a bit later than I'd promised - I still feel a little bad about making her worry like that. But almost two years have passed since that day, and now everything's fine. My mum will admit that for a while she was anxious about my SO because we'd met online, but our story is just one of many which prove that not everyone you find in cyberspace is a paedo/rapist/serial killer

Trying to introduce the idea to my dad, however, hasn't been quite as easy

[EnglishMan]

I've posted a blog about my experience if you want to have a look .

It was something me and my girl worried about a bit, because her parents are pretty protective and we both thought they would likely disapprove. One day, her mum asked my girl about me (since she knew that we talked a bit, and she had seen a picture on tumblr that was pretty lovey dovey and aimed at an English guy (me, lol)). So my girl figured then would be a good time to tell her mum, and so she did. She told her our whole story so far, and her mum absolutely loved it! The only negative thing her mum said was that she wished we had told her sooner . As for my side, my parents already knew a fair bit about her and probably figured we were romantically linked. But on the same day she told her parents, I told mine and as expected they were supportive. Now both sides are pretty keen on helping us both visit each other which is great .

I think the key is to show your parents that your SO is trustworthy. Any parent would be a bit suspicious, so it helps to show them a bit about your partner I think. Me and my girlfriend send a good few videos to each other, and so when she told her mum, she showed her videos I had sent of myself and my family, to put a face behind the name. So that might be an idea, find a way to show your parents that they are a normal human being to make them less skeptical.

[Nbaby]

I'm interested in finding out about how those of you who met your SO online told your parents about him/her?

I know my mom isn't gonna approve at all, especially if she knows we met online (since she's extremely overprotective and everyone you meet online is obviously a serial killer ), so I've been putting it off, but "hiding" my relationship with my boyfriend is making me feel guilty since he's so out-in-the-open with his family.

I'm just interested in finding out how you all did it and how long you'd been together, how it went, etc.
And if you think it's okay to omit the fact that you met them online? haha

Woah u literally discribed my mom so ya i havent told her either.

[IMWY]

Thank you all for your replies! You've made me feel better (I'm not alone!) and given me ideas. And made me smile. haha.

I've already told my mom about "this guy I like" and shown her pictures of him, and talked about him some. She thinks we met through a friend, though (the internet counts as a friend, right? lol).
I've kindasorta hinted at our relationship, I think, so it (hopefully) won't come as a complete surprise when I do end up telling her. Hopefully I'm on the right track!

[XxFranticLovexX]

Well, my mother found out about him (in general) because he called me to tell me merry christmas last year.. and she called while I was on the phone with him then questioned me about it later. >_<;
Skip forward a few months and he becomes known as 'that guy on xbox' to her and my sister.
Skip forward a few more months and my sister, room mate, and I take a 'spur of the moment' (it was planned, just my family didn't know about it) trip to his state. I stayed there when my room mate and sister came home, dealt with the whole 'how could you stay there', 'you don't know him', 'blah blah' stuff when I told my parents. Things like that really make me feel like they don't trust me, when I have done nothing to break their trust, so it makes it kinda hard for me to actually tell them about things without worrying about how they will react.

We have never actually told my parents(long story), nor his mother(religious and visit related reasons), that we're together though. We just refer to each other as a 'friend' to them. My mother would accept him more if she knew that I was spending time with him as a friend first (they were still telling me that I should 'replace' my ex 4 years into the relationship.. even though we were friends first, they claim to like him, and they had met him before OTL), and by the end of my visit his mother was still accepting that we were referring to each other as 'friend' but told me that she likes me, I should move to their state, and that he should live with me. Actually, according to him, she is still saying that I should move there and I have been home for over a week now. XD
Honestly.. I think his mother has an idea of what's going on and just hasn't said anything. Some of the things we said around her, some of the things she said, the fact that I slept in his room with him after the first few days there, .. and the fact that she now smiles at him when I call kinda makes it seem like she knows there's a little more that a 'friend' relationship there. lol.

Though, I'm 25, he's 21, and I don't live with my parents. So, I really don't have to tell them anything or have their approval, I would just prefer it. I would like for the relationship between them and him to be good, not some horrible experience for anyone involved. They have technically met him already since they came to pick me up from my visit with him, so if they don't approve, it isn't going to change anything. I'm not too worried about it honestly, I'm an adult and I can make decisions for myself. Even if that means being with the person that makes me happy without my parents approval.

[CarolinaGirl]

Well, I met him on xbox, and when my mom found out about him, we were just friends. But even then, she flipped out because she didn't want me talking to strangers due to the fact that I was young. He had been messaging me and we played together all the time, then she finally asked who he was and I had to tell her we were friends. She tried to get me to stop talking to him, but I was stubborn and completely ignored her :P haha. A few months later we admitted we liked each other and he became "the secret boyfriend". A few months after that, my sister found out and he became "my xbox boyfriend". A few weeks later, my sister started teasing me about him while we were eating a family dinner and my whole family found out like at the same time -_- which I didn't want at the time because my mom was so against me talking to him. She was angry, and annoyed that I was still talking to him, but every so often she'd ask how Aaron was doing. We kept talking, and I didn't tell her about how we always talked on the phone, texted, messaged each other etc., but I eventually showed her pictures of him. Then later that year, we got busted, courtesy of my sister and her friend, or as I like to call her "THE B*TCH"...hem...but anyways, for all the ways we were communicating that apparently my mom wasn't very happy with. Apparently she though we'd be doing too much "naughty" stuff, but whateverrr. Anyways, today my dad is still like ......... -_- when it comes to Aaron because...well my dad doesn't really care lol. But my mom loves him, has embarrassing 20 minute conversations with him on the phone, helps me pick out things to send him, and is perfectly okay with us seeing each other ;P Which I guess she has to be since both of us are going to be 18 soon. But, I'm glad I have some family support now.

[blueyedreamer]

I have met guys online before, all local and I'd talk for a few weeks and then meet in a location I was very comfortable with. So my family was used to me meeting guys online.

But this guy... I just said we were flirting and things like that. I didn't tell my family at first that he was half way around the world. My mom got used to me talking to him on skype even before she knew that we were flirting. My dad is another story. He was/is disapproving. He thinks that I need to find a "nice boy" locally and not close myself off to prospects. He thinks because the guy that I'm seeing is part arab that he automatically doesn't like Americans, even though the guy I'm seeing was born and (mostly) raised in the US!!! In my state in fact, and not a far drive at that!

I recently broke the news that I'm going to go meet my guy in Bahrain. My mom is worried for my safety but she also hopes it works out because he makes me so happy. My dad started raging at me though. He said I was "blind to reality" of human trafficking and how all middle easterners hate Americans no matter what anyone says, how I have no money (yeah I just spent it traveling to see my best friend and I can save up again), how I don't need to get a guy to be happy, and more and worse. He said many very hurtful things about me, my guy (who he knows very little about really and hasn't bothered to learn), and generally sounded racist. If he thinks even half the things he said about me are true then he really doesn't know me at all. He essentially admitted to my mom that he is so afraid that he can't be reasonable.

I believe my dad and I will get past this. I need some patience and he needs to calm down and apologize. So, for those who have difficult parents and feel very hurt by it... maybe your parents are just like my dad and are so scared they can't act reasonable.

[kiara_silver]

I was 17 and before him have never dated, so I was already nervous, but to top it off we met online and still hadn't met in person. I decided to tell my mom first, I would tell my dad later. It was six months into our relationship and I was going to tell her but sort of down play my feelings a bit, tell her I liked this boy but leave out the "love" part. So I went to her and told her I need to talk to her can we go out, and she said sure. We went out for bible study, and as we were sitting down, I suddenly got nervous, I wasn't going to tell her! But then... I opened up our study and the first name I saw and read was my SO's name! That to me was a sign from God saying stop hiding just tell her. And so I did. I told her there was a boy I met online, who I wanted to keep talking to, and that she can have as much involvment as she wanted. If she wanted to talk to him, or be around when I talked to him. And it all worked out, I told dad awhile later, but I already had mom on my side so it was all good lol And 2 and a half years later were still strong and in love. I think he was my gift from God lol His name literally means God given, and just the sign from that day telling mom. I've always felt strong about him

[rina]

Warning: the following post may contain manipulative spoilers! (but they're sometimes necesary when dealing with overprotective parents )

Easiest way to do it: first warm them up to the idea of an internet friend. Send actual letters back and forth with a friendly tone, sharing random, normal stuff from each other's life and share those letters with your parents. Then randomly drop them in the conversation, not too often thou, with stuff like: he sent me some pictures from this festival they have in his country, look how interesting their culture is, i'll be sure to ask him more about it, bla bla, just make sure it's on a subject your parents might find interesting.

No matter how over protective the parent will be they're sure to come around if you can provide them with actual proof that the other person is a real person: pictures, academic achievements, art projects.. whatever makes them human

And whenever you feel like they're ok with the idea of the other person existing in your life (as a friend) you might want to drop the idea of meeting (as friends) and you can just take it from there.

The stuff i mentioned happened, to us, unintentionally. We've been friends for 4 years so my mom would even randomly ask me how he's doing and what's new in his country. And when he came to visit, they never met, but she knew we were together. Pretty much same story on his side, in fact i'm quite sure his mother knew we were together since before we were together >.<

[Jango]

I was 19, so I felt like I really didn't have to let anyone know.
I kept it to myself for ages to save any judgement, and I was fine with what I had.

Until I said to my mum that I was going to America to stay with 2 friends. My family were a little confused, and thought it was a far fetched thing I wanted to do. Untill I started to explain that I had to meet this girl ive been talking to. I kinda used the whole 'going to America' to use it as an excuse for a holiday too :P