Bad situation just got so much worse

[Italia10]

I have not been on in a really long time! I really miss this. Anyway, my SO is due back in 10 days from Italy. He has been away a little more than a year. I thought that this would be a really exciting time for us. Instead we are falling apart.

The past two months have been really difficult. We have not talked on skype as much as we used to. One reason for this is that my SO's family was visiting for about three weeks. I talked to him two times during this period. He said he just didnt have the time to talk because he was busy with his family. But, we made it through and things were back to normal until...

His replacement transferred to Italy two weeks ago. In those two weeks I have been left stranded not knowing where he was. We made plans to talk on skype and he would not show up...for hours. This is frustrating because I have lots to do. I enjoy doing many different activities and I feel stuck between doing these things and waiting for him so we can talk.

He has been traveling with his replacement who also happens to be female. It is starting to make me uncomfortable. They are spending the entire day at work together, each evening together, and each weekend traveling together.

I trust him and I know that nothing is going on. He asked me if I was jelous of her. I told him the honset truth, I said yes. I am jelous of all the time that they are spending with together. Especially since I am left hanging, wondering if we are even going to be able to talk each day.

The worst happened tonight. I still live at home so there is not much privacy. My mom heard me get upset, came into my room and told me I needed to stop seeing him. He was on skype and heard everything. My mom doesnt want to know that he exists anymore. He is not allowed in the house when he gets back.

I am so lost. I am so confused. What happened? This past year was so much easier than I thought it was going to be. We chatted everyday. Now when we talk, we fight. And now that we are so close to being together again...it's falling apart.

Please help. I don't know what to do anymore

[LadyMarchHare]

Wow, your mom went a bit overboard, didn't she? Do you know why she acted like that? I know when I get upset and it involves my SO (whether it's his fault or not) she pretty much acts the same way. How did he react to hearing that?

As for the rest, it sounds like this whole job thing is just putting a strain because you can't see each other as often, promises get broken for one reason or another, and he's around another woman at the moment. Personally I think that part will clear up once he's back with you or work eases up. It's difficult when you're already on a very conflicting time schedule because it's the other side of the world and you're not in person. Adding stuff like work or family makes the distance and time between phone calls/IMs/Skype calls that much bigger and more difficult to handle.

Maybe my priorities are bent on the subject but I'm more PO'd at your mom than anything.

[Italia10]

Thanks so much for your response. My mom apologized right away. She knew it was wrong. My SO and my mom are close. We have been together for three years and he has become apart of the family. With that said, he was really concerned when he heard what she had to say. He asked that I check on her, make sure things were okay. My concern is that we have discussed marriage, buying a house, children etc. I look at these situations as learning experiences for the future. If we are faced with a problem and don't see a way to fix it, what does that mean for us in the future?

[LadyMarchHare]

Well I'm glad she did. I know it's natural for a mom to want to get rid of the things hurting their children but that just seemed too much.

Exactly. Love's not a paradise. We're all going to have those awful moments where, even if we trust our SOs, we don't trust the people they're with, where the distance emotionally if not physically can seem like something's breaking, and we feel hopeless. It's why I'm grateful for this forum, we can all help each other pull through and strive to succeed in not only bridging the gap but staying together and gaining support.

[Bluestars]

I am sorry that you are having to go through this! If I were you, I would probably try telling your SO that you need to speak to him and get his full attention. Then, you could tell him everything that you said just here. Do not put all of the blame on him, but try to come to a compromise to where you both can be happy in your relationship. I understand the time difference must be hard, but maybe you guys could send emails when you can't find a common time to talk on Skype. There is not any reason for him to be too busy for that.

I also think it is normal to be jealous in this situation of his coworker, so now that he knows you are jealous, maybe he can make more of an effort to let you know that he cares about you.

But about the fighting....try and find out what is causing you guys to fight so much. If you can figure out what the problem is together, then you might be able to find a way to stop arguing in the first place. Talking about it can really help!

Basically, I think you just need to communicate to your SO what you are feeling! Hope everything works out ok (even though I am sure it will!)!