Mean people!

Just venting here... with people who actually understand me.

Lately there was a girl telling me how LDR were not worth it. She had one and failed and said having an LDR will avoid me to enjoy my youth as I should. Of course I deffended my relationship and I still believe my SO is worth all the effort. Then my sister and mother began the same week telling me about that. My mother said someone who can endure distance cannot be in love... perhaps because her first marriage involved it for a while. She says people in love can't live without seeing each other frequently. My sister had a LDR (which lasted just a month...and she's only 14) but she began saying that too, and that I should break up with my SO.

I just hate it when people say these things. Just because I do not cry in public, or go telling everyone how hard distance can be, does not mean I do not miss my SO. And just because I can't go out daily with him and go to the movies every weekend, does not mean I dislike my relationship either. I'm happy most of the time, because I know there is someone I love and whom loves me in return. Whenever I miss him, I keep it to myself and my SO. Not crying every single time I would like him here is not called not being in love. I call it being strong. I hate how people see distance as a tragedy. Every time they get to know my boyfriend lives far away, they treat me like a victim. So I feel as if I am trapped here. If I don't cry in front of them, I'm not in love. If I cry, I'm unhappy and should break up. I had been emotionally stable with my SO the last months (being around... eight months?) without breaking out in tears. Then people started saying these things recently because they found out I've been about a year and half with my SO and apparently they think I've been wasting the last 14 months of my life.

This last week I even felt doubtful about my relationship because of the comments. I wondered if it was worth it or not. Then I just realized I do not really want a relationship with someone else. For God's sake, I was not even interested in relationships until I met my SO. I do not want someone I can go out with, or someone who pays dinner for me every month-anniversary... I want my boyfriend. I don't usually say this publically because I'm shy, but I really love him...

I used to be grateful to receive advice from people , but I think I'm starting to hate it (I mean people in "real life"; I do like LFAD's advice a lot). I take it from my mother as a proof that she cares about my happiness, but as for my little sister... well, I do not think she has much to say if she lasted just a month. And this girl I talked about, does not even know me as to care enough, I had never talked to her for real before that conversation. I hate sounding harsh, but to me it seems like they can't handle the idea of seeing someone else fighting over something they gave up with. As if they needed to see everyone in LDRs fail to prove themselves that they did the right thing when they broke up. (If someone who had a breakup due to distance is reading this... I want to make clear I am NOT agaisnt it... I just think people can't just go telling everyone in a LDR to give up).

Ugh... I feel this post is full of hate...I sound out of character even and I feel a mean person. But I just wish people would mind their own business :c I do not go around telling random that their relationships won't work just because it seems hard. Most of the time I help the people I can, I tell them to be strong and fight for what they want. I wish I could get back the cheers I give, instead of being told to give up. I refuse to live with the unfamous "what if" and give my relationship up without even trying.

Anyways, I'm again on my feet and I feel stronger than before. Sorry for the rant.. but in spite of my friends supporting me, they do not really understand me in this, so I never really get to tell all I would like to. Does anyone have any advice on how to avoid getting these awful comments, or on how to ignore them?

[kittyo9]

My only real advice is just to prove them wrong and live by example. If you are truly happy in your relationship, then they have absolutely no say on what you should or shouldn't do in it. When they start making comments like that, just smile knowingly and say, "We'll see," then proceed to do as you please. It makes them think they actually had something of value to say, while leaving you uncommitted to their words.

[Nbaby]

My only real advice is just to prove them wrong and live by example. If you are truly happy in your relationship, then they have absolutely no say on what you should or shouldn't do in it. When they start making comments like that, just smile knowingly and say, "We'll see," then proceed to do as you please. It makes them think they actually had something of value to say, while leaving you uncommitted to their words.

^ This and then laugh in their faces saying "I told you so" when it all works out well.


I know this feeling which is why I havent told many people yet and dont think i will. For some reason my online friends seem to understand it better. But people in real life wouldnt and dont even try to understand. Instead of telling u mean stuff or judge you they could support u instead. But I guess thats because LDRS are always in a negative light anyways. Doesnt matter what you say or do. Stay strong in this and let nobody tell you what to do. They cant feel for you and they dont know your SO the way you do.

[rixue]

Sorry for all the negativity you have received lately about LDRs!

The only way I can see to avoid the comments is to not tell everyone you are in a LDR. In all honesty, it is not anyone's business outside of your family and close friends. I told my co-workers and all I got was since they didn't believe in being able to fall in love or keep a relationship over the internet. Now if anyone I do not know well asks me about my relationship I just say I am happily taken. Sometimes I might mention his occupation since that question comes up frequently, but that again leads to more questions haha.

As far as comments from your family (or anyone), all you can really do is take them with a grain of salt. When people have bad experiences with anything they are going to be against them and skeptical. Just look at your family's comments as trying to look out for you (although it is in the completely wrong way since you are in a healthy relationship). Do not let the comments get you down or doubt your relationship! You know in your heart what your relationship with your SO is, and that all this distance is only temporary for the time being. You know it is worth it. People seem to act as if LDRs are long distance forever and have no close distance end.

And like Kitty said, just prove them wrong!

[Black_Halloween]

My only real advice is just to prove them wrong and live by example. If you are truly happy in your relationship, then they have absolutely no say on what you should or shouldn't do in it. When they start making comments like that, just smile knowingly and say, "We'll see," then proceed to do as you please. It makes them think they actually had something of value to say, while leaving you uncommitted to their words.

I agree with this completely.

[Deleted]

My only real advice is just to prove them wrong and live by example. If you are truly happy in your relationship, then they have absolutely no say on what you should or shouldn't do in it. When they start making comments like that, just smile knowingly and say, "We'll see," then proceed to do as you please. It makes them think they actually had something of value to say, while leaving you uncommitted to their words.

I definitely will! Actually the "We'll see" is something I do say very frequently.

I guess I had a moment of weakness this week because these comments came by floods!

[ashdav2010]

I get that sometimes too and just have to assume that there's something in their lives that is making them unhappy and so they project in the same manner. There will always be nay-sayers and people that doubt your relationship, but you should never allow them to infiltrate your thoughts and make you question what you are doing. If you are happy you're ahead of many others, in relationships and not. You just have to let the negativity roll off your back...even if it's hard sometimes. Good luck!

[Jezah]

How silly. Just because their LDR didn't work out does not mean yours won't....by that logic I should discourage everyone who has a CDR since I have had SEVERAL of those fail. I would use that as a comeback to anyone who starts to say "Well, I had an LDR and it didn't work out" ....I would quip back with a "Yes and I had a CDR that didn't work out...your point?"

People love to generalize and group things together but the honest truth is, no 2 relationships no matter HOW similar the outward appearance are the same.

As far as "wasting your youth" that can happen in a CDR as well. I was with the same guy from 19-23 and I regret it terribly as I wasted a lot of time on something that was destined to fail, and while I wasn't home and on the computer lots like I am now I certainly wasn't "living it up" as he was the dullest man on the planet. At least you have love, and who cares if that love is a little bit complicated or inconvenient...at least you have it and not everyone can say that

[Deleted]

How silly. Just because their LDR didn't work out does not mean yours won't....by that logic I should discourage everyone who has a CDR since I have had SEVERAL of those fail. I would use that as a comeback to anyone who starts to say "Well, I had an LDR and it didn't work out" ....I would quip back with a "Yes and I had a CDR that didn't work out...your point?"

People love to generalize and group things together but the honest truth is, no 2 relationships no matter HOW similar the outward appearance are the same.

As far as "wasting your youth" that can happen in a CDR as well. I was with the same guy from 19-23 and I regret it terribly as I wasted a lot of time on something that was destined to fail, and while I wasn't home and on the computer lots like I am now I certainly wasn't "living it up" as he was the dullest man on the planet. At least you have love, and who cares if that love is a little bit complicated or inconvenient...at least you have it and not everyone can say that

This! To me, being close or far away does not mean anything. There's about the same chance of having an argument, the same chance of forgetting something important... and even the same for cheating. Yes, LDR is hard... but at least it makes you realize that you are there only because of love. It really makes you decide what you want. As you say, many people can't say they really have love. I remember I started out with my SO as a CDR, and I was at first confused if I really loved him or if I was just liking the way he held my hand and the strange places he took me to visit in our dates. (lol I'm one to overthink a little). It was a while later, when we went LDR that my feelings got clear.

...I think very few people would really try LDR if it they were not at least 90% sure they really love their SO's, since it's kind of a risk.

Haha... of course, in the end my goal is being in a CDR with him again one day! But I see nothing wrong in being long distance, to me it makes a relationship stronger.