Update: She's still ignoring me...

[Jayburr]

Hard to believe, it truly is.

So, almost two weeks ago now, August 29th, my SO and I had a disagreement about something while playing our game online together. I made a topic about it here (https://members.lovingfromadistance....ment-quot-game) and got a lot of good feedback.

Basically, we still haven't really talked about the problem. We talked once last Monday (9/3), for about 20 minutes or so. Not a lot of time because she had to leave with her family for a Labor Day thing so...she called KNOWING she wouldn't be able to talk long - planned or unplanned? Who knows... Anyway, she told me before she left that she'd call me back when she had time. Of course, her idea of free time and my idea of free time are different, and based upon what's a priority and what is not... What I'm getting at here, is that she got home around 9, promptly logged into game, played till midnight and I never heard from her. So, she had free time to play a game but not work out a problem with her boyfriend. Makes sense.

It is now the 10th, and we're at the point where we are talking (through texts), but only if I initiate the conversation. For example, if I don't text her at all today, then I probably won't hear from her. She doesn't seem to care to make the effort to contact me on her own. If I do text her though, she has been responding most of the time. Yesterday however, I last texted her around 3pm and never heard back from her. Not surprisingly, that's about the time she logged into the game.

Last Thursday, after she hadn't texted me in couple of days, I messaged her, asking if we can try talking again. She replied with "We are talking," so I tried to initiate a conversation about our problem but apparently she didn't intend to have that discussion and told me "I didn't mean we had to talk about it now." The next day, I decided that if she's not going to talk about it then I might as well do the same thing she's doing and try to ignore it. So, I texted her, and throughout the weekend I've continued fairly casual conversations with her, joking about things, showing her pictures of my room mate's kittens, etc... It SEEMS to be getting better, I mean, at least she's talking to me now, you know? The only problem is, her replies are stale...they're vague, and short...as if she's not very interested. To me, it makes me feel like I'm just a friend...a friend she regrets having given her phone number to, and she's replying to be nice, not because she actually wants to reply. Despite that feeling, as Sunday came, I had just a sliver of hope that she might be starting to come around, but then my 3pm text went unanswered. The day came to close and I went to sleep having heard nothing from her. Right when I was starting to feel a little better that things might be okay, it's confirmed to me that, yes, she's still ignoring me and still perfectly okay with not talking to me.

So, that's about where we stand. I don't know what she thinks of me, I don't know what her plan is... What I really don't know is how someone can stay mad and continue this behavior for so long over something so unimportant. I know some people have told me I've been insensitive to her feelings, and that I should realize this whole thing IS important to her. I totally understand that, I do, but regardless of how I feel about it, regardless of how insensitive I may be to it and how important it actually is to her, this has gone on WAY too long. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle anger and disagreements like this as an adult, and this is definitely the wrong way.

Edit: As I'm sure anyone can tell, I have a trip planned to see her next week, so, the timing of all this couldn't be worse. Dragging this on, not talking about it...definitely not helping to make anything better and I have no idea what's going to happen as our date approaches.

[Time]

Hey, this relationship seems like heaven to me. Sorry, I just couldn't stop myself from saying it. Do you actually try calling her and sharing how with her how you actually feel?

[Moon]

Maybe it's time that you stop texting her, not to play games, but to put the ball in her court and see what happens. You've done just about everything you can do, and it sounds as if she's enjoying punishing you. If it were me, I'd stop contacting her and see how/if she responds, and go from there.

[Katrina]

What I think will probably be different from what others think so take this with a great big pinch of salt. By this point I would be thinking "okay what do I want the outcome to be here" and then heading for that irrespective of what had happened previously. You want your relationship back on the loving affectionate basis it was. So what will help you get that? I don't know.A big bunch of delivered flowers and a sweet miss you love letter ? (She's your girl Jayburr you know best what will work) I hope this sorts for you soon, i see you have a visit coming up. Good Luck

[Sharon Q]

Wow, I'm a gammer so I see where you are coming from. In situations like this the other person wont respond until you inform them that its needed. This is something you two need to talk about, its not over the game anymore, its how shes treating you that needs to be brought up.

Inform her that you need to talk about this matter. that might work.

How old is she if I may ask?

[Jayburr]

Hey, this relationship seems like heaven to me. Sorry, I just couldn't stop myself from saying it. Do you actually try calling her and sharing how with her how you actually feel?

Unfortunately, her phone is very weird about phone calls. It some times rings for her and some times doesn't, so, basically, she has to be the one to call me if we ever want to talk on the phone.

When we did talk on the phone a week ago though, as I mentioned, we didn't talk long, but during that conversation, I did tell her how this has all made me feel. I told her how depressed it's made me, how alone and helpess it's made me feel, how much it's hurting me, etc... I got an apology from her and she agreed she shouldn't have kept me in the dark (she stayed completely silent for a few days before even telling me why or what the problem was, just completely ignored me), but the fact that she's continued to ignore me afterward I think just goes to show that the apology probably wasn't sincere.

I see from your ticker that you guys are supposed to be seeing each other again in less than two weeks. Who will be travelling to whom, out of interest? Because what I'm wondering is, if your SO continues to ignore you like this, what exactly is she expecting to happen on that date?

I'm so sorry about what's happening here. You must have the patience of a saint; honestly, in your position I would've reached the end of my tether a while back. The thing is, you can't make your SO come round if she point blank refuses to see reason. I wish I could suggest something useful, but the only course of action I would be taking by this point is walking away. I really hope this situation will be resolved one way or the other soon.

I'm traveling to her... The weird part is that when we first started texting again, she mentioned the trip and sent me long texts talking about it, making no mention of how I should cancel or anything like that... In fact, it seemed mostly positive but... I'm sure she can change her mind about how she feels about it at any moment.

[Black_Halloween]

So, you basically didn't take our advice that you should ignore her until she talked to you first and you played into her game, acting like a sad puppy, now shes reaping in the benefits. Honestly (I guess ill be the first one to say it) , If i were you i'd just break up with her/not make the trip. This kind of immaturity is not acceptable by any means, shes not respecting you at all, and shes acting like a royal bitch. Its horrible timing, but it is what it is. This has gone far too long.

[Jayburr]

So, you basically didn't take our advice that you should ignore her until she talked to you first and you played into her game, acting like a sad puppy, now shes reaping in the benefits. Honestly (I guess ill be the first one to say it) , If i were you i'd just break up with her/not make the trip. This kind of immaturity is not acceptable by any means, shes not respecting you at all, and shes acting like a royal bitch. Its horrible timing, but it is what it is. This has gone far too long.

I didn't mention it but, let me clarify, she did text me first, but NOT to talk about the problem. It probably was my mistake to be the first to try bringing up the idea of talking about the problem, but, since we were already talking, and things seemed somewhat fine, I took a chance. I haven't been acting like a sad puppy though... As I mentioned in my OP, after she declined wanting to talk about things, I decided I'd let her be the one to decide to have that talk (if she ever does) and the next day, I began texting her normally, as if nothing was wrong.

[Black_Halloween]

but its still bothering you (obviously) and she doesn't wanna talk about it? You've done everything you can do to try to get her to talk about it, including giving space so Its really up to you if you're willing to put up with her behavior anymore.

[marbear31]

Hi hon, I've been following your threads/replies, and I think it's just a simple case of power play. She sees you're feeding into her manipulation, and she's liking it. I think you're both waiting for each other to admit the other was wrong, and this isn't going to end until one of you caves. I agree that it's a very immature way to handle a relationship, but, if you really love her, would it kill you after all this wasted time just to say, "I'm sorry?" I think those are two of the hardest words to say sincerely, but they can do wonders for healing broken ties.

If you really love this woman, think of it as a opportunity to be the bigger person. You may not agree with where she's coming from, or how she's handling the situation, but (it sounds like) you'd be the type of guy who doesn't like hurting his girlfriend. Before this situation turns into irreparable resentment, don't be afraid of putting yourself on the line for the sake of mending something that means the world to you. I'm sure there have been many instances on both sides where things were said that were hurtful, or meaning was read into seemingly inconspicuous actions. Forget it. It's the past. If you love her, apologize without conditions, and mean it. After things have cooled down (if they do), show her, by example, how you'd like this relationship to work communicatively. You both need to have an honest conversation about what you want out of this relationship, and that this sort of behaviour, on both sides, can't continue.

I sympathize with you, Jayburr, but I also know there are two sides to every story. I wish you the best, and I hope, in the future, you both can learn to pick your battles. Trust me--the little things aren't worth it.

Hugs and love sweetie!

[Snowlilly]

If it was me, I would seriously have to evaluate if I wanted to stay in that kind of relationship. If a person gets this upset and reacts this immaturely over something so small and trivial, how in the world is she going to react when something major happens. I would never stay in a relationship where my partner is about power play, manipulation and punishment over arguments. Being in a relationship is about compromise, not winning and punishing your SO to make them feel bad, this is supposed to be love? Don't you think you deserve to be treated better than that?

[Sabbi696]

I am going to be brutally honest..it doesn't sound like she cares too much..I mean really..who goes this long without making some sort of contact? (other than the tiny bit that she did) She sounds really immature, and it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship..she is acting like a 5 year old trying to get her way. A relationship is about compromise, and especially in an LDR. I wouldn't make the trip you are planning how awkward would it be if she was still pulling the silent treatment while you were there?

[Zephii]

I too would be evaluating the relationship, if you can even call it that, at this point. I guess, if I were in your shoes my last ditch effort would be a very blunt message to the gist of "start having a relationship with me, or you wont hear from me again". I too would be worried about the visit. Do you have a back-up place to stay in case things go badly? (assuming you usually stay with her). Who knows, maybe seeing each other will be the thing to fix this? I dunno. It makes me sad when I see nice people holding onto relationships with people who treat them like dirt.

[Jayburr]

Thank you for the replies everyone. This has been very difficult and a true test of my emotions.

There may in fact be light at the end of the tunnel here though... She called me a bit ago, 'just to say hi,' and we talked for an hour or so, just about regular things going on at work, life, etc... She did most of the talking, which is unusual... More often than not, I am the one having to do most of the talking so, I took that as a good sign (especially when compared to the vague, seemingly uninterested texts over the weekend...).

Basically, despite her hectic day at work, I got the feeling that she was in a good mood and happy to talk to me. I can't say I felt that way about any time we've talked before today so, it's a pleasant change that instantly brought my emotions into positive levels. The icing on the cake to all of this is that before we hung up, she asked me to text or call her when I got off work, which, to me, is another huge step forward.

Ultimately, I think the recovery process is underway, and there might be enough time between now and my trip to bring things back to normal. The resolution process however, still really has yet to begin. I think the best way to go about this is for both of us to get back to the point where we are happy together, and from there, it may be easier to address what's happened, once the majority of our negative emotions from this event have faded. Discussing it now, or even last week for that matter, may have simply been too soon, and too difficult to do properly, when we are both in negative states of mind. This cannot happen again though...and that will be a main point when we do talk about it.

[Jezah]

Wow, unbelievable that it is going on this long. Like other said, I would reevaluate the relationship at this point. I honestly cannot imagine ever voluntarily going that long without talking to my SO, no matter HOW pissed I was...it really seems like she isn't all that interested in spending time with you. If my SO ever treated me like last priority under a video game....well, lets just say it would make Mt Vesuvius erupting seem like a non event. Her behavior is unacceptable, and at this point I am surprised you are still taking it so well. I am doubly surprised that with her still throwing this little tantrum that you are planning to go visit her. I don't think it would be out of line for you to tell her that unless this is resolved you aren't coming.

This is a power play on her end that has gone on to a ridiculous degree, and I HIGHLY disagree with those who have said you should apologize and essentially grovel to end this because all that will do is show her she owns you. She is being petty and immature, and if you ever want her to respect you I think its time you demand she stop playing this little game or else you are gone. Simple as that, sorry to be blunt but this is beyond ridiculous. She is not treating you like someone she loves, end of story