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    #1

    picking fights

    Idk if i need advice as much as I need to vent.

    Basically the last week or so we have been on really thin ice...it feels like all the time one of us starts a fight, not even on purpose, but it will be about the most stupid insignificant things but we will just start arguing and fighting and idk whats wrong. What do you do when this happens to you?
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    #2
    We have done this once or twice, but luckily it has been quite a good bit of time since it happened. I suggest talking about it with one another and trying to find the cause. When Jared and I miss each other really bad and it has been a while since we have seen one another, we will sometimes bicker with one another like that. Talking about it will help you realize if this is the case. In the past, we have also bickered like that because we were spending TOO much time with one another when we really needed to talk a little bit less and do more things on our own.

    You could possibly try talking a little bit less if you guys talk a lot. Either that or you could agree to have a code word, which means that you are beginning to bicker and it means to immediately stop talking about it. Also, there is usually a point where you decide to argue against the other person. Recognize that moment, and chose not to argue

    Hope you guys can get this figured out!
    Last edited by Bluestars; July 4, 2010, 12:03 AM.

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      #3
      Are either of you in a stressful situation right now? Usually that's what starts the nitpicky fights. Do you start feeling upset when your SO contacts you? Unless there's some bigger part of the picture like some untouched subject that's being skirted around and thus is making everything else a fight, maybe you two need to take a few days away from each other to think over what could be the problem and your feelings about it, then come back and talk when you've both calmed down. If you feel a fight coming on, tell them "wait, let's stop, this isn't going to end well" and try to change the subject. Are the subjects you argue about the same thing every time or just random things?

      Honestly I've never encountered the problem. I've gotten miffed at my SO for a couple things and he's fussed at me for a few things, but we've never fought, much less that frequently over seemingly nothing. Sorry to hear you're going through that.

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        #4
        It's really not that terrible, but I do feel as tho the distance itself is just becoming an issue as far as its frustrating that we can't be together. It's been about a few serious topics, my wanting to get a tattoo and our differed opinions on gays (it hit a point where i just agreed with him to shut him up because i didnt want to continue to argue about it), to stupid things like movies and stuff.

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          #5
          My SO and I never really had a fight, but we do sometimes get random "tensions". It's mostly about the same things really and we both hate it. That's why we do try to avoid them. I love my SO way too much to let such a little thing get in our way. It's probably the distance though. It gets frustrating and hard and I just want to be able to see her.

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            #6
            Originally posted by stacyrose View Post
            It's really not that terrible, but I do feel as tho the distance itself is just becoming an issue as far as its frustrating that we can't be together. It's been about a few serious topics, my wanting to get a tattoo and our differed opinions on gays (it hit a point where i just agreed with him to shut him up because i didnt want to continue to argue about it), to stupid things like movies and stuff.
            On those last things and the homosexuality issue, I think once you hit that boiling point it's best to say, "let's agree to disagree." That way you're not slandering his opinion and you're telling him he shouldn't be slandering yours. The tattoo thing, personally I don't see how it affects anyone but you and it's not like it'll bite him. Now if he doesn't like WHAT you want to get, then that's a different story.

            I understand completely the frustration of distance and the hopelessness of it all at times. It's depressing and depression can spawn irritability and just flat out anger and you tend to snap. Have you guys made even vague plans for future visiting? That might help since it could give you both something to look forward to and plan for even if it's a year away or more. You two get a common goal and a bit of a silver lining that might lessen these fights.

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              #7
              Originally posted by LadyMarchHare View Post
              On those last things and the homosexuality issue, I think once you hit that boiling point it's best to say, "let's agree to disagree." That way you're not slandering his opinion and you're telling him he shouldn't be slandering yours. The tattoo thing, personally I don't see how it affects anyone but you and it's not like it'll bite him. Now if he doesn't like WHAT you want to get, then that's a different story.

              I understand completely the frustration of distance and the hopelessness of it all at times. It's depressing and depression can spawn irritability and just flat out anger and you tend to snap. Have you guys made even vague plans for future visiting? That might help since it could give you both something to look forward to and plan for even if it's a year away or more. You two get a common goal and a bit of a silver lining that might lessen these fights.
              He's been brought up in a very Christian household, and him and his family all hate tattoos. He told me he dosn't support it, but he would let me get it if I wanted. But he didnt hesitate to tell me his parents would despise it and blah blah blah. Then went on to say that it dosn't matter what he says because "I'll do it anyway". And the gay issue, it got to a point where he told me "It just makes me sad I can't get you saved..." and it kinda kills me because I'm a Christian too and was brought up that way, but I just believe in being alot more open about some things. He knows that a majority of my friends are gay and they are very dear to me. I threw my hands up and just let that one drop. I don't really want to have that one brought up again.

              As for a silver lining there definitely is one, he is visiting me for a week and a half in exactly three weeks from today. Our 1 year anniversary was this saturday, and as for fights they've mostly been stopped. We are taking it a day at a time and doing alot better...the frustration gets to us sometimes but in the end our love for each other outweighs it all. Thanks guys for lending an ear! =]

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                #8
                There was a period where my SO and I were fighting nearly every day for a week or two! Thank God we are over that... for now. He has admitted to picking fights with me to see how I will react. I've been accused of the same in the past by friends, lol. I see it as an opportunity to grow. I'm generally a very patient and pleasant but he knows how to push my buttons! My reactions revealed a hidden part of me that I did not know was in need of work. He also learns from it too. LOL, my spoiled, silver spoon SO is learning what being told "NO" feels like.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by stacyrose View Post
                  He's been brought up in a very Christian household, and him and his family all hate tattoos. He told me he dosn't support it, but he would let me get it if I wanted. But he didnt hesitate to tell me his parents would despise it and blah blah blah. Then went on to say that it dosn't matter what he says because "I'll do it anyway". And the gay issue, it got to a point where he told me "It just makes me sad I can't get you saved..." and it kinda kills me because I'm a Christian too and was brought up that way, but I just believe in being alot more open about some things. He knows that a majority of my friends are gay and they are very dear to me. I threw my hands up and just let that one drop. I don't really want to have that one brought up again.

                  As for a silver lining there definitely is one, he is visiting me for a week and a half in exactly three weeks from today. Our 1 year anniversary was this saturday, and as for fights they've mostly been stopped. We are taking it a day at a time and doing alot better...the frustration gets to us sometimes but in the end our love for each other outweighs it all. Thanks guys for lending an ear! =]

                  well me and him wouldnt get along so well then :/ its kinda sad that people are still that close minded now a days, and bring that up to him with your next argument. As for picking fights, well i try not to do that or get into one because i hate it, but every relationship has them i can tell when me and Denise are due for one because i can sense it coming

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