Will is work out? You and me

[inkognito]

I don't really know where to put this post, but I think I actually need an advice from people like me (that's why we are all here, right?)
Well, the relationship was going on for a while. I met him 2 days before I needed to leave Russia in order to travel with my family and go to school in the USA, then I had to wait for 10 month and we saw each other. Then after 6 weeks I had to go back to USA (DC actually) and finish 12th grade, then I had to wait another 10 month just to see him. I saw him for 2 month (8 weeks), we actually traveled, slept together and stuff. So, going apart this time was the hardest. And since we went apart (he is in Russia, Moscow and I'm in school now in Pitt, USA) for the past month all we had were the arguments. We even went to the point when we were about to break up (he wanted to break up, but I asked him for another chance). The question is, how to make it better? How do you make it work out better? How not to break up? We've been in THIS for 2 years and I have to wait almost 3 more years untill he'll move here (or at least we'll see each other even more then it is right now) or untill we'll marry, have kids and stuff.
Also, he has work to do (he is really stressed about it) and he is attending college. So, he is really stressed.
By the way, he is 22 (will be 23 in January) and I'm 18 (will be 19 on November)

And by the way, I actually bought the ticket to see him in December for a month (which I've never done before) and to come in November. Also, I'm planning on be staying there for the whole summer.

And I'm sorry if its in the wrong group.

[alittlemind]

Well the first thing is to look at what you've been arguing about. Has it been fixed? If it hasn't, can it be? You need to talk things out and decide if this is what you both want. Remember, you can't make him stay in the relationship if he doesn't want to. It'll just hurt both of you in the end. The key to a good relationship, is communication. Make sure you're both being honest and know what you both want. If he's stressed out, find ways to make him feel better. You know you're SO, so you'll know what's best to do that. Anyway, I hope this helps.

Best wishes.

[inkognito]

Its not really fixed. The thing is, he hates that I'm calling him a lot, he hates that I'm bugging him a lot about something. And its just... I don't know why I keep doing it when I promised not to call him a lot, not to bug him about stuff.. Urgh.
Also, I know he wants to stay in relantionship, but as he said, with the more grown up person, not a childish person like me. But I can't grow up in one day, can I?
And it started out with... Well, he turned off the phone at his friend's party. And that started out ugly fight (which led me to depression now and I don't want to do anything). I mean, it stopped, we talked, but still. I have this feeling that it can happen again now, and again, and eventually it will go to break up (what I don't want to happen).
So yeah.
And since I'm asking for help, I developed some kind of depression when I don't want to do anything, go anywhere and all I want to do is eat and lye in bed. How do you also get rid of it?

[Zephii]

I feel like you're being intentionally vague with your questions, but that might be my headache making me think that. Either way, the more specific you are, the more we'll be able to give advice that's actually relevant to your situation.

Let me see.. so, You're nagging him about something. Something he's already told you to stop nagging him about. Ok, so what is it? Why is it such a big deal to you that you keep bringing it up? Are you having realistic expectations of him? Is he being a dick and not meeting you half way?

He's also asked that you don't call as much. This strikes me as a bit odd for an LDR - do you mind sharing how often you talk per day or week? Like, how many calls/ how many minutes/hours ish?

I hate to sound harsh but, you said you're 18 right? That makes you an adult. So, it shouldn't be about growing up all in one day, it should be about acting your age. Maturity is... odd. (I'm having trouble finding my words today, bear with me) See, some people find maturity much sooner than others - often because they have no bloody choice. They have responsibilities thrust upon them, and if they don't swim, they sink lol. Others are much luckier and have the leisure of staying children for much longer, but that doesn't mean you can't choose to be more responsible. That doesn't mean you can't take control of your thoughts and actions, and thus speak and act appropriately. If that makes sense.

[Black_Halloween]

O_o he called you childish? That dosn't sound like a very good boyfriend

[inkognito]

Zephii, we talk on skype a lot. Like really a lot. When I was in high school skype would be on for about 16 hours. Or we didn't turn the skype off for 3 or 4 days so that we could just say to each other something what we wanted to say. However, if I'm mad (we are using sip providers to call each other), I can call him 5 or 10 times in a row just because he does not pick the phone up. Its kind of embarrassing. I tried to stop doing that, but sometimes I just start doing it again.
And the thing is, I remembered about a lot of problems, but um. I can't get them organized, so yeah. Sorry if I'm vague.
The thing which I'm nagging him about... Well, there are a lot of them. Mostly - letters and things not being used to be like they were before. But I guess yeah, it is my fault. But I can't stop do that.
And for being mature. Sometimes I'm a very mature person, but sometimes my behavior is inadequate, so he hates it and he does not want a girl with that behavior. But once again, I'm trying to change myself and I can't, for some reason fully change that part of my behavior, for these 2 years.

[inkognito]

O_o he called you childish? That dosn't sound like a very good boyfriend

Because sometimes I am like that... Like a spoiled little kid.

[Zephii]

Zephii, we talk on skype a lot. Like really a lot. When I was in high school skype would be on for about 16 hours. Or we didn't turn the skype off for 3 or 4 days so that we could just say to each other something what we wanted to say. However, if I'm mad (we are using sip providers to call each other), I can call him 5 or 10 times in a row just because he does not pick the phone up. Its kind of embarrassing. I tried to stop doing that, but sometimes I just start doing it again.
And the thing is, I remembered about a lot of problems, but um. I can't get them organized, so yeah. Sorry if I'm vague.
The thing which I'm nagging him about... Well, there are a lot of them. Mostly - letters and things not being used to be like they were before. But I guess yeah, it is my fault. But I can't stop do that.
And for being mature. Sometimes I'm a very mature person, but sometimes my behavior is inadequate, so he hates it and he does not want a girl with that behavior. But once again, I'm trying to change myself and I can't, for some reason fully change that part of my behavior, for these 2 years.

That's clearer.
Well, the good news is, you recognise the problems. Lots of people don't get that far and they wonder why their relationships go to shit in a handbasket.
You need to stop telling yourself that you can't stop. That's bullshit. You are in control of you and no one else. You do have a choice. Next time you have the urge to make 10 phone calls in a row, how about handing your phone over to a flatmate you trust? Let the people around you help you sort yourself out? Or make yourself go out for a walk, or something. Again - You are in control. You are the only person to blame for your own behavior.

On the letters and skype front, I can understand both sides of this one. I never wanted to hang up the skype either! So I feel for you. But I guess for him, he feels there's no reason to write to you because there's nothing to say. Calling so much might also be just too time consuming for everything that's going on. So I guess the best advice I have is to focus on quality rather than quantity.

Sometimes I say to myself "how can he miss me if I don't go away?" and there's truth in that. Sometimes it's nice to be able to give chase, or to instigate calls or whatever - but because you're so full on, likely you're not giving him the chance to fill those roles anymore. I'm not saying you should play hard to get or anything, playing games is stupid, but I am saying it might be something to consider - making yourself less available.