Curious

[Decrepit]

Hey all!
I'm still new around here but that's okay xD
It's been nearly a month since my LDR began from being CD and I think I'm starting to handle it better than I did before. It never does get easier but I'm learning to manage. But I am curious about something. The longest I will ever have to wait before seeing my SO is three months. I know there are a lot of other that wait a LOT longer so I'm just wondering how they are able to manage? I know it must be 10x more difficult but does it ever get easier after the first break or does it get harder with every visit?

Just curious xD

[Black_Halloween]

Who said anything about being able to manage? I cry myself to sleep almost every night.

[Secrecy]

It's really not easy to manage, and managing is about all it is. I am from the states and he is from Canada. If either one of us wants to be together permanently, we would have to jump through the long, annoying hurdles of visas and becoming legal residents in whatever country I decide to reside in. That's daunting in and of itself, and up until that point, all we can do is visit each other whenever we can, which is hard when I support myself through being a full-time student in college, and still have two more years to go until I'm graduated It's hard to save up enough money to go and see him for any significant amount of time, and since I will be living with my dad again soon, and he is still living with his parents, it makes it even harder. (Neither one of them would let either one of us stay with them.)

So what makes me able to manage despite this less than desirable circumstance? Because it's that knowledge that in my entire life of living, I haven't met anyone quite like him, here at home or elsewhere either. It's that knowledge that if I had picked any of the numerous amount of people who have been interested in me through my life, I don't think I'd be as satisfied as I am right now with him. As much as it is about me, it's about him too. It's knowing that if I left, he would be as devastated as I would be. It's the knowledge that I want to take care of him and make him happy, and in that, I feel happy.

I guess to sum it all up, it's just worth it. It's not easy, but no one ever said doing the right thing, or getting the thing that would make you happy is easy. Sometimes you gotta work for it, and when it pays off at the end, oh God, does it ever pay off.

[Sora1101]

To be honest I find it harder to wait after every visit. It's like you're given this amazing gift and then all of the sudden before you can even blink it's gone. The more visits I have the more I hate waiting to be together once and for all. The way I manage is to tell myself well, he's worth it isn't he? How would you feel if you broke up and you never ever got to see him again? In an instant I realize how absolutely horrible that would be and then waiting for a year doesn't seem nearly as bad. Besides that I just try not to think about it. I pretend he's out working all day while I'm at school and that I'll see him when he gets home from work and then we'll eat dinner together watch some tv and cuddle before going to sleep. I trick myself into believing all that is true because it makes waiting through the day easier and taking it one day at a time means he'll be with me again before I know it.

[D.4C]

we haven't met yet...we will though in 11 days...and i've pretty much come to my own conclusion...that as difficult as it is now...that after she is here...it will be even harder...i guess we will keep doing what we do now to manage...by talking...phone..skype...text...messenger...sendin g love letters..whatever it takes...to help pass that time...till she is here again...just keep trying new things...and communicating...try to keep yourself busy with things...tends to help keep time moving...best advice i can give you...

[charly]

Too bad, but it really gets so much harder to part every time! especially after long visits... i have the same as you, the longest we have had so far is 3 months, it's really impressive how some here manage with 8 months or more (or less ofcourse..)

[Brieasaurus]

There's been so many of these threads the past few days. Anyways, my SO and I only really get one visit (we're hoping for two this year) out of the year and yeah, it sucks. What sucks even more is seeing people who only have to wait a month or two between visits, whine and complain. I understand that waiting is horrible but it's something you agree to once you begin a LDR. I don't know, it sounds a little rude now that I'm reading it but honestly, why make yourself miserable over missing them and do something productive? Take classes, write him love notes, plan your wedding on pinterest, do something that will make your future seem more realistic. Or you could always talk to your SO haha.

What's helped me is just accepting that for us, that's how it is. A visit just isn't possible. So I suck it up, get rid of the bad thoughts because that's just going to make me miserable when I could be enjoying the time I have with my SO. Plus I remember the motto "the time we're separated now won't matter when we're spending the rest of our lives together". Oh and sleeping with his clothes and him next to me on skype always makes me feel closer even when our visit is so far away.

[churchgrim]

We started LD and still haven't met yet (counting down now!) so we've been waiting for over five years to meet now.

I find that it has gotten a little easier as the years have passed, but that's because we've always been able to do something to help the awfulness of the situation pass and focus on the good. For me, it was all about how we managed the downs in our relationship. Sometimes we'd cam for an hour or so and not even talk, but it helped to just have each other to look at. Or we'd play games, look for things we want together, or talk about our dreams to remember why we're together.

Sometimes there are days where none of it works, and I think perseverance is very important when this happens. It's hard trying to support someone when you can't be with them like they want, but I think that looking forward and giving them hope is helpful. It won't make the ache go away completely, but every little bit helps.

[londongirl]

Because we met close distance but got together JUST before he left the country I get very very frustrated we didn't 'discover' each other like that closer, but after him leaving mid-July and incredible maddness/generousity on part of some of my family members I get to spend 3 months with him from Oct ....

Now I know it'll be a LOT LOT longer between that and our next visit though and always mute down how much I miss/how sad I am about it knowing people in much worse boats. However, in my case, I think it's definitely the frustration of not finding each other sooner and the fact that in the time we got to spend together in England we more or less lived together/in each others pockets 24/7- to kinda go from everything to nothing so fast.

[snow_girl]

I found the first time being LD sucked but after that it was easier. I kept busy working and going out with friends that I never really had an issue being apart from him.

[Kiyama]

For me it's definitely gotten easier. I struggled a lot when we first went long distance and we had a lot of fighting going on for a few months. we see each other every two months or sound I'm grateful for it because I know others aren't that lucky. Leaving sucks every time but I know it won't be too long before we see each other again.
Now I still get a bad day or night occasionally but generally I'm fine. I enjoy my life and I'm happy when we speak. I don't dwell on the distance any longer, in a day without a call or whatever might be. I guess I've entered a state of acceptance and it feels really good.

[LailaSummer]

We started LD and still haven't met yet (counting down now!) so we've been waiting for over five years to meet now.

I find that it has gotten a little easier as the years have passed, but that's because we've always been able to do something to help the awfulness of the situation pass and focus on the good. For me, it was all about how we managed the downs in our relationship. Sometimes we'd cam for an hour or so and not even talk, but it helped to just have each other to look at. Or we'd play games, look for things we want together, or talk about our dreams to remember why we're together.

Sometimes there are days where none of it works, and I think perseverance is very important when this happens. It's hard trying to support someone when you can't be with them like they want, but I think that looking forward and giving them hope is helpful. It won't make the ache go away completely, but every little bit helps.

I agree with you, I mean it's really the same with my boyfriend, we still haven't met yet and its been 3 years. We try to manage by skype, text, letters, emails and things like that. And when nothing works we just try to wait it out until we realize that we love each other and we'll wait as long as we have to <3