I know I sound crazy, but...

[Shangrii]

I'm going to be a senior in high school this coming school year, and on May 13--really soon before this last school year ended--I started dating one of the Asian foreign exchange students.
I planned on having us not do a LDR, since he'd be over 11,000 miles away, incredibly busy with school (it's incredibly rigorous--he from about 6am-10pm on weekdays), and we would hardly be able to see each other--possibly the soonest would be, at best, next summer break. Not to mention how expensive it would be to see each other again.
Plus, I was worried about myself. This past year, I started liking a new guy every 2 weeks or so (although it always switched between the same 3 guys most of the time), and I'm still afraid I might end up starting liking someone else. When I get into college, I really want to study abroad to where he is for a year, so I've started studying his native language to get a head start. But even so, that won't be until at least 3 or so years from now.


And then I totally fell in love with him, sooner than I had ever thought. Despite all the obstacles we're facing and going to face, he is everything I want. Incredibly smart, cute, funny, romantic, quirky, a total sweetheart...and he's crazy for me. He has everything and is totally perfect for me. I know I'll hate myself if I ever let go of him, but I'm afraid something will happen that will change the way I feel for him since I can't physically be next to him and touch him. I am totally head over heels for him when I'm with him, but when we're separated, I'm afraid I'll forget what it's like to be really with him. And I definitely don't want to hurt him--it'll crush me as well if I do.


Another problem is that I originally wanted to be a Japanese major and study in Japan for at least 2 years before doing a teaching program in there after college for another 1 or 2 years. I originally was wanting to teach English there--I love Japan (but that's not where he's from). However, the distance between his city and Tokyo is about the same distance from Indianapolis to Miami, so we would be able to visit a lot, hopefully. But still--I'm not sure how my future career will be. Maybe, if everything works out, I would teach English in his country.


What do you think I should do? Has anyone else been in a situation like this, and if so, what do you think I could do to make sure my feeling for him are still alive?

[Lunar Snow]

Being a bit biased, since I am in a long-distance relationship, I say that you give it a chance. If you truly love him, then that emotion is a lot stronger than liking the flavour of the week. Love and long-term relationships take effort and commitment to last and if you think your relationship with him is very important, perhaps you need to explore it for longer. However, university is a lot different from high school and people do change a lot--that's part of the point of higher education. So, by the time you get to the position where you could have a much closer commute, you or he may feel differently. I wish there was some magic solution or white-padded cell to safe-guard against loss of romantic feelings and subsequent pain, but there isn't. Being in love and in a relationship requires taking a risky leap of faith. However, if you want a demonstration of faith, (which has astounded me, too) some of the people here have been waiting years to even meet the one they love in person! Wow!

[Mayyie]

Hi Shangrii!

I can understand how you feel, and was sort of(and to a certain extent, still) in the same situation as you.

I go to uni in Melaka, Malaysia, and I've still got a year until I graduate and another year of training which I have no choice but to do in Malaysia - which means I will be in Malaysia for the next 2 years, no matter what. When I met Tim in January, he was traveling, and had been for 18 months and was leaving Melaka for Bangladesh in 3 days time. I have always been the type of person who is very sure about how I want things to work and is very ideal about it, and being my ideal self, I would never have allowed myself to get involved with someone who was going to disappear off in 3 days time.

But, after talking to him for a few hours on the first night we met, I found myself agreeing to meeting up again with him 2 days later, a day before he was supposed to leave Melaka, because it feels right, I enjoyed his company. It was not something that I usually do. But long story short, after we went on that "date"(since he never really specify whether it is a date or not), he's decided he stay for a few days extra in Melaka and we will see where things go.

I did a lot of thinking those few days when I was not spending time with him(when I was with him I can't think because I am totally smitten. heheh) and went through questions after questions(how I wish I've found LFAD then) of whether it is really wise to get into anything with him since 1. I hardly know him! 2. It will be a LDR from the very beginning and I am afraid that it would lack stability and 3. It is going to be like this for the next 2 years should things between us ever get serious. And more importantly, I was really scared as this is going to be my 1st relationship and LDR is going to be difficult and I didn't know if I can handle it or not.

But, in the end, I decided to go for it because I like him a lot and as cliche as it sounds, he is (almost)all I ever wanted in a guy. Even though the situation is not ideal, he is, pretty ideal

5 months down the road, things are still not happily ever after for us yet, but it was the best leap of faith that I've ever taken. If things go well, he'll be working in Singapore(which is 4 hours away from me) in mid-August; but if it doesn't, he'll either be back in London for good or have another 6 months off traveling, and it will be another unknown regarding when we'll next see each other. But thing is, we love each other, and we have faith that we will be able to make it through.

So, I'd say, take that leap of faith. You'll never know where life will lead you to Hope that helps, and good luck.

[Swederica]

I think you should go for it, even if it's hard i'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

We had almost the same with you about time and stuff. Time differences take some time to get used to. And my beautiful Katelyn is busy with school all the time, she pressure herself alot and plays volleyball all the time to. So it's school, volleyball, hmwk and then a bit of me. With few if any breaks between, god knows how she manages.

However, if you want a demonstration of faith, (which has astounded me, too) some of the people here have been waiting years to even meet the one they love in person! Wow!

Even tho i've not waited years we are closing in on a good 14 months, even if i'm hoping of being with her next month.
But atleast one year

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't think you sound crazy. For years I had crushes that lasted days, weeks, and one major one that spanned two years. I was changing my mind a lot with guys, but I realized it was because I didn't know them too well. I was liking guys who were attractive or ones who were funny/were nice to me. I thought I'd end up dropping any boyfriend I had because I'd change my mind, but like you when I fell for my SO, I fell hard and there's no mind changing for me even though I have yet to see him in person. They don't need to physically be there for you to feel so strongly about them. Yes it makes a world of difference when they are there, but if you love them enough you can take whatever you can get whether it just be pictures, a few webcam visits, or text and feel like they're there.

As for your ambitions, don't let it stop you. However, you might want to research his country of origin and their culture while you have the time to decide. You never know, you may end up liking it just as much as Japan or you may feel better suited there once you dig up the 'nitty gritty' of the culture. (like for me, I realized I wouldn't like Japan so much food-wise because they LOVE mayo, their real milk and cheese is expensive, and they have so many food trends you're hard-pressed to have staples that aren't calorie-heavy or super sugary. That and they have a population problem) But even if you still want to go to Japan, you could because it may not be permanent. Nothing's ever set in stone and even though you're in a relationship and you two want to be together, you're still young enough that you need to go after what you want as well and you'd still have time to be with him in the end.