The Work Incident! Advice..

[USA2Canada]

Hello new here and found the forum! I thought wow wish I found this site sooner, could of used the support all these years...look where we are today! read below..

I am in a LDR for about 6 years USA/Canada. My bf is angry with me for getting him in trouble at work by being I admit annoying and over texting him. He then got written up okay that;s not it his phone was even taken away for the day. I realize I was annoying and I never meant to cause job jeapordy, and didn't consider the effects of the job, but I believe I just miss him and I get just so excited to talk to him, but this can easily be fixed, by me just refocusing on me and I even paid for the texting I sent.


I did apologize and told him this can be worked on but he just ignores me. The last thing he said was a week and half ago and that was when i told him, you are more than welcome to leave me ive never forced you to stay with me and Id rather you be honest and not coward out, or if you would like to work this out like I would we can talk about this. I said we can both work on being better as a couple. He said Then stop messaging me at work it gets me in trouble. And so I said and are you going to directly answer my question? he said What Im saying is stop messaging me. My boyfriend is a great guy and I do want to work it out, he has been going through a hard time with his mothers cancer and having to help pay for that. He also works two jobs. Id rather not argue and be the supportive gf I am, but at this time he obviously isn't allowing that by ignoring me. This is out of his character and we really don't have HUGE type blow outs.

I am not sure how long he plans to ignore me, or if he is wanting this or not. I choose to not be disrespected so I do not talk to him either, I feel at this stage he wants me he knows where I am. I won't beg or anything not that kind of girl, but surely I do love him. I go to his town in Sept, the ticket was bought before this incident an non-refundable even. I have removed the offending problem of messaging. What is the intentions to ignore me for so long? just angry, to leave, to see if ill improve what? I have had time to reflect. I am calm cool relaxed and thinking straight, I am not going to let emotions overwhelm me, I feel in control of myself but curious of others thoughts here. Thanks for any ideas advice or suggestions here!


Also few weeks ago my dad asked him his intentions with me and he told my dad he was aiming to have me in Canada and marriage. He has been talking on getting the paperwork going in less than six months. This was before this incident. Obviously there are things wed have to communicate and work out better, but at this point I am like what marriage if your ignoring me, and I would have to see he can handle conflict better. Do note though that im not saying Id never marry him I do want my future with him. I am positive he loves me that's not a question, its more of the ignoring and not handling the situation, he has a right to be angry and now so do I but the ignoring is like dragging.

[USA2Canada]

Nevermind, I don't need the advice! I had like a wakeup moment after I read it over a good 2 times. I understand what's going on here its very simple.

First off its very very annoying to be texted at work and he has policies against that, to be written up for that is very harsh for him considering his job has had some big layoffs and he needs the money for his moms surgery.

How does him asking me to stop texting him at work get turned around to me saying, he's "welcome to leave?" I mean, am I reading the above part right? What exactly would he need to discuss or work on in this particular situation? Only I can control whether I text him or not and, if I choose to do so, only I choose when you do that. It seems a little condescending to say "we can talk about it" when the solution to this issue is entirely under my control.

There's nothing to discuss here...it's very straightforward really. He gets in trouble when I text him while he's at work, I was asked to stop and I fire back with "you're free to leave?" Frankly, I'd ignore me as well. Come to think of it, that's exactly what I did with my text-aholic friend two years back.

I apologized now don't text him at work again. Ever. I cant go pointing it out every day or week or month and expecting a pat on the head for it. I just stop doing it and I give him enough time and space to notice it on his own. I believe he wants to see the change.

This is "respecting your partner's wishes." If I want to be married EVER I have to got to learn that one.

I'll at this point give him time to hopeful notice my non texaholic ways...and just look forward to the visit cause, I can't believe I like really said that, I'm really the big no no here! In hopes my guy forgives me!!!!

Thanks everyone the posting helped, hah..

[alise120]

I know how you feel about the whole situation with you and your SO!

The same happen to me a while back when I used to text mines nonstop. He would get so annoyed saying, "stop repeating the same questions", and I would say, "I can't help it". I figured since he's the only one farther away, I should text him more often then others (meaning my friends). But I guess it backfired with him getting very pissed off.

He then flat out told me that he didn't want to talk to me anymore until I stop texting him obsessively. I eventually did and said sorry for the nuisance I caused him by writing him a heartfelt letter. Seeings he is the "forgiving" type, he texted me a week later (I texted him first since I wanted him to cool off with his anger at me) saying it was okay and he still loves me unconditionally.

Just like you I learned my lesson BIG time and never texted anybody constantly or randomly when they are busy with they're life. USA2Canada, if he loves you very much, he would come around eventually to forgive you and talk to you again. Don't worry, I'm sure he will though seeings he promised to wed with you.

[Bluestars]

I know you don't need any advice anymore, but I do not think it is your fault your boyfriend got in trouble. If he was at work and didn't want to get fussed at, then he should have put his phone on silent or cut it off altogether. If he needed to keep it on in case of an emergency, then he just should have ignored your messages. That is what I do when I am at work. Even if you did text him WAY too much, no one made him respond to you.

Best of luck!

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Bluestars. I text my SO at work every day and he has his phone set on vibrate so he knows when I text him and he can respond if/when he has the time. If the issue's about paying for the text then he could have asked you not to for the rest of the month or however long he needed to save up every last cent he could. If he doesn't like you texting him however many times a day/hour/whatever you do, then it's his job to tell you to either stop or cut back.

I can understand the reaction you gave about the issue. It's embarrassing to think you were the cause of them getting in trouble, but that is not all you. Even if he forgot to turn his phone to silent or even off, it's not your fault.

[USA2Canada]

He called me, and he wants this future and life together, he apologized for the ignoring but he was to angry to speak becuase he didnt want to say something hed regret he needed the space, he was clearly just upset over the write up, I was right though when I said "respect your partners wishes" he said that to me on the phone, without me having to say a word on that, and I gave him my concerns on our communication issues and how I dont like the disrespect of ignoring, and if you need space you should clearly state that, he is unable to turn his phone off at work they need it for when he has a customer calls I didn't realize it was a work based cell phone, so that was new to me but oh I know now, we will do some counseling before we get married, and were ordering some communication tool books to do as a couple for this next trip up there. I believe we can work this out and be a stronger team! You know 6 years is a long time LDR and so you have your mistakes and mishaps esp with communication.. but the marriage (he asked for my hand to my father) yes is still goin to be strong! We got a little work...before it but its good we see that now.
Thanks all!

[Frank]

Wow. 6 years is a huge time in a LDR. Congrats to you.

I was very happy reading this thread. That is great that you realized the mistakes you made, and fixed them. That sure does show a strong relationship, where you are able to look at yourself. Though, it is too bad he ignored you for so long. But it is good he didn't say anything he would regret.

I also like your outlook on becoming a stronger couple. Welcome to LFAD. Feel free to share your 6 years of experience here.

[alise120]

That's wonderful. I knew he would come around to forgive you. You two are inseparable when it comes down with being a team. I wish you the best and your future husband ! <3

[USA2Canada]

Thank you guys! Im happy to be part of the community here.. and to share my experience!