He suddenly changed. what should I do?

[summerstillhere]

I have been in LDR for 4 months now. We started our relationship in may this year. We were really in love for few months even when we are different. He's white and I'm asian. We also hv culture gap but he didnt mind.

At the first few months being away from each other he always have time for me. And we were really sad being far from each other. We also planned for vacation together when we both hv time.

He used to tell me everything he's doing or hows his day at work even when I didnt hv to ask..He mentioned to me that he's getting busy with work and his own project. But at that time he still hv time for me at least we talk everyday.

Now, i dont know what happen to him. He never send me emails, texts, skype not even call.
When I send him email, he will reply but he didnt talk much as before. The reason is always the same 'I'm busy'.
When I ask him if he found someone else, he told me he's not interested to find someone else, but still he didnt sound happy like before.

What should I do to get his attention? Why did he suddenly changed? I'm totally confused because he didnt gv me reason why he ignored me. The only reason he gv me is he's very busy.

[efish1042]

Okay, how long has this been going on? A few weeks?
It really sounds like he's just busy and maybe a little down or stressed. He's obviously distracted by work and this project, maybe he has other issues, too. Money, for instance. He may be lonely and it has him down in a way that makes him distant. Ir doesn't sound like he's changed, as in he is acting like a different person. It really just sounds like he has a lot going on right now.
Talk to him about it, see if there's anything you can do and if not, then back off. Give him what he needs whether that's comfort or space. The fact that he still talks to you every day is a huge plus right now. My SO and I would have whole weeks where all we said was "good morning," "I love you," and "goodnight."
I understand this is upsetting and unnerving, but really it sounds like everything is fine. Take heart.

[Verojoon]

I had a CD relationship that changed just like that too... In the case of my ex, he kept saying he was too busy but really he was under huge amounts of stress... I actually found the real story today (such a long time after the relationship) Money was a very very big problem and nothing I could solve... I hope that in your case whatever it is that has him busy (whether it is physically busy or mentally busy worrying...) will pass soon enough or is something you can make him feel better about! Good luck!!

[Romeo s Juliet]

I suggest you have to be patient at this time, and give him alot of space. first talk to him and ask if he wanna talk about it, fix a date/time when he is relaxed and try to talk calmply and lovingly to him. other than that give him space. let him be for sometime. because he sure has money probs/stress related issues maybe he dnt wanna tell you because there is nothing you can do about it he will come around soon. be patient
good luck

[summerstillhere]

Okay, how long has this been going on? A few weeks?
It really sounds like he's just busy and maybe a little down or stressed. He's obviously distracted by work and this project, maybe he has other issues, too. Money, for instance. He may be lonely and it has him down in a way that makes him distant. Ir doesn't sound like he's changed, as in he is acting like a different person. It really just sounds like he has a lot going on right now.
Talk to him about it, see if there's anything you can do and if not, then back off. Give him what he needs whether that's comfort or space. The fact that he still talks to you every day is a huge plus right now. My SO and I would have whole weeks where all we said was "good morning," "I love you," and "goodnight."
I understand this is upsetting and unnerving, but really it sounds like everything is fine. Take heart.

Hi. Thanks for your reply.
Well it has been almost 3 weeks this thing goin on.
And yes I always remind myself to gv him the space he needs. Sometimes i just let him alone, i didnt send him email or chat or even text because maybe he doesnt wanna be bothered (he's very focus in what he's doing).
I think probably you are right about he being sad and alone because of our distance. In fact i would do anything to be close to him. But in real life its not that easy, i hv to think about my job, visa, my parents, living costs and etc.
Probably the project thing is also making him stress but i dont know when is it going to end ;(

We cant go on vacation this year brcause he already spent his annual leave when he travelled here. I'm hoping that we are still together untill next year because im planning to visit him.

[summerstillhere]

I suggest you have to be patient at this time, and give him alot of space. first talk to him and ask if he wanna talk about it, fix a date/time when he is relaxed and try to talk calmply and lovingly to him. other than that give him space. let him be for sometime. because he sure has money probs/stress related issues maybe he dnt wanna tell you because there is nothing you can do about it he will come around soon. be patient
good luck

Thanks for your advise.
Yup I will remind myself to be patient. I'll gv him as much space as he needs.

[summerstillhere]

I had a CD relationship that changed just like that too... In the case of my ex, he kept saying he was too busy but really he was under huge amounts of stress... I actually found the real story today (such a long time after the relationship) Money was a very very big problem and nothing I could solve... I hope that in your case whatever it is that has him busy (whether it is physically busy or mentally busy worrying...) will pass soon enough or is something you can make him feel better about! Good luck!!

Hi.. Thanks for your reply.
Sorry to hear bout that. So you 2 are no longer together?
How long he's been keeping the secret away from you?

I hope my bf and I are still together untill he finally solved whatever problem he's having now. I wanna try to comfort him but I'm scared if that makes him think that I'm too nosy or I dont know if he's gonna like that. I wanna gv him space and time but i dont know if I do that he might think that I'm ignoring him when he needed me.
I will try to find the best time to ask him about it. Probably weekend is the best but hopefully he's not out with his friends

[Verojoon]

Hi.. Thanks for your reply.
Sorry to hear bout that. So you 2 are no longer together?
How long he's been keeping the secret away from you?

I hope my bf and I are still together untill he finally solved whatever problem he's having now. I wanna try to comfort him but I'm scared if that makes him think that I'm too nosy or I dont know if he's gonna like that. I wanna gv him space and time but i dont know if I do that he might think that I'm ignoring him when he needed me.
I will try to find the best time to ask him about it. Probably weekend is the best but hopefully he's not out with his friends

No we are not together anymore. This was someone I dated this summer while my SO and I had broken up. It's a very long story... but in my case I am so happy he became distant with me and cut all ties... not only because I realized I should go back to SO (and it made me realize that even CD relationships have stress, so LD didn't seem as bad.. especially since through everything I still loved him -- my current SO... and never really loved my ex... I was just attracted by how well he was treating me...) I'm also grateful because the type of trouble this man had gotten into is not the type of thing I ever want to be involved in!

I am sure your situation is much much different (seriously, I don't see how someone could have a similar situation, that one is so crazy!!) But it was just an example that stress can be a very big thing...

Good Luck!

Like many people have mentioned already, I think your best bet is to let him know you are there if he needs you. Re-assure him that he will not lose you by taking the time to figure out his own things, and give him space. Give him lots of space to deal with his own things, but make sure some of your needs are met too... You can compromise. For example: "I know you have a lot to figure out right now and I don't want to add stress to your life, but my day is a lot easier if we can at least say good morning and good night every day. Do you think we could do that?" and/or set it so that you have a day a week you can spend time talking like you used to... If he is not pressured about how much of his time it takes, or feeling pressured on how to figure out your relationship while also trying to figure out his life, then chatting with you may actually relax him instead of make things worst!

I wish you luck!

[summerstillhere]

Thanks everyone for your advise. It is hard to discuss this kinda problem with my friends because they dont believe in LDR. and some of them even ask me to gv up.
The only way to get advise is from this page.
Im glad to find a lot of ppl in the same situation.
Not many people out there support LDR.

I appreciate your advise. Thanks!

I will try to get him share his problem if thats what making him ignoring me. Im surr he stilllove me because the last email he sent me was a pic of couple kissing during tomato fiesta. And he said he wanna go there someday.
After that email he kept silent.

[summerstillhere]

Thanks everyone for your advise. It is hard to discuss this kinda problem with my friends because they dont believe in LDR. and some of them even ask me to gv up.
The only way to get advise is from this page.
Im glad to find a lot of ppl in the same situation.
Not many people out there support LDR.

I appreciate your advise. Thanks!

I will try to get him share his problem if thats what making him ignoring me. Im surr he stilllove me because the last email he sent me was a pic of couple kissing during tomato fiesta. And he said he wanna go there someday.
After that email he kept silent.

[Jessipoo]

I had a CD relationship that changed just like that too... In the case of my ex, he kept saying he was too busy but really he was under huge amounts of stress... I actually found the real story today (such a long time after the relationship) Money was a very very big problem and nothing I could solve... I hope that in your case whatever it is that has him busy (whether it is physically busy or mentally busy worrying...) will pass soon enough or is something you can make him feel better about! Good luck!!

I was in a similar situation. 7 months CD, amazing, he spoke to me about marriage etc. Then we went long d when he took an amazing opportunity across the continent (we talked about it, I encouraged him to go for it because it was just too good to pass up) and work became his #1 priority (I'm talking 80 hour weeks + weekend conferences and I wouldn't know which city he was in), and there were lots of headaches involved with the move to another country that was on his mind. Even though I expressed my unhappiness, nothing was done or was said would be done but wasn't.

Eventually it got worse, his mom got cancer, his friend died and our already strained and stressed relationship took a hard hit because I just couldn't take it anymore and broke down like hell (I had lots of stress too, student strike, laptop broke & lost all my school work before the deadline, etc) and he broke up by vanishing from my life 2 days after a fight. So this person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life is, my first love (but not first bf) just gone.. everything meaningless. And for the 2 weeks before the dissappearance, it went from bad to worse, he was ignoring me a lot, would reply 1 word, 1 text a day.. if I was lucky, he would never answer my calls and most of the time not acknowledge them (ya there were also phone and internet problems on TOP of everything). So the fact that you still talk is good. Be supportive but don't ask of anything in return, for now. Leave video/audio messages.


I doubt your situation is as bad, he's probably in a busy spurt, talk to him, if nothing gets done give him space. Don't be as available to him. In my case I was still there for him all the time whenever he wrote me or asked me for a favor or to send him a video but he never complied with my needs or sending me a video in return. The dynamic & communication of our RS completely changed from what it was and what I was used to. That was my mistake.

If anything, just don't initiate for a bit, be more distant, and if he asks tell him you knew he was really busy and just wanted to let him deal with things until they settled down. IT will be hard, but try. Give your phone to someone else if need be for a bit.

That's the only advice I can give you, talk about it, wait it out, distance yourself, be there for him without being too available.

[summerstillhere]

Thanks jess.
Im sorry to hear about your story.

Well. I dont know what else to do. I've been thinking about it since he ignored me. As if we are strangers.
When i try to make a conversation, he seems like not interested to talk. 2 days ago i sent him email asking about his work, his project just to make a conversation. And the reply i get from him was.. Theres nothing much to talk. And then he asked about me. When i replied, he just left the conversation there. He didnt reply me. I really think its rude when someone ask u how u doing and when u reply them u get no reply after that.
Yesterday i try to send another email wishing himgood day and etc. And no reply again.

This is now making me confuse.
I dont know why he suddenly ignoring me. I try to talk but the conversation didnt go any further. The only way i can talk to him is via email because he never logged in skype and he didnt reply my text msgs. ;(

Im getting stress everyday since he ignored me. I dont know what else to do. Thats the only way for me to communicate with him.

I will remind myself to ignore him and his email (if he even bothered to send me an email).

To make it worse, every place from my office to my home remind me of him. Its hard to try not to think about him when i walk around that area everyday ;(

I will try to stay away from my phone and my email.

[Jessipoo]

My situation was extreme. It was like being with someone in the military except he wasn't in it.. and he could've made time despite all the work and stress but didn't. And then there was the extreme circumstances.

So now my tale serves as a caution if you really want to give your relationship a chance. I don't know how you're dealing with it but I went form chatting all day and seeing him every day to no responses and a few texts and him not doing anything remotely romantic any more, ever, including not picking up a package I sent him. So I was super anxious - couldn't sleep, eat (lost weight and I'm already thin to begin with) and my heart would race all day because I was so stressed out and anxious. What I wish I had the courage to do was relinquish control of my cell phone to my mom since that was my main means of communication, and where I often sent regretful emotional messages where I broke down. I know what you mean about thinking about him, we met in my city and now I walk around thinking of all the things we did together in my city and it hurts, every day.

But if you have that anxiety, you should let someone hold onto your phone, change your email password and let someone else hold onto that power for a bit. This sounds extreme, but when you really don't have things in your control you actually start to calm down a bit and not expect something only to get disappointed. Maybe only check it a few times a day or every few days and hopefully you'll get something on it. If you guys are already not talking all that much, just don't say that you are going to give him space, just do it.

[summerstillhere]

thanks jess for your reply.
i am afraid if i didnt contact him he will think that i hv already forgot about him. is that the right thing to do?
we hv planned for vacation but i dont know if he's still up for it since he dont really talk much with me anymore
did he lost his love for me since never talk about romantic things anymore?
this questions are playing in my mind everyday.
he told me he's not interested to find someone else since he's busy but anything could happen right.
what should i do to show him that love we had between us or maybe gv him a sweet revenge so that he regret of ignoring me?

[Jessipoo]

It is so hard not to overthink it. Hopefully he hasn't lost love. I know I thought that a lot and even though he said it wasn't the case, he wasn't taking the time to respond to me or write me and he would ignore my questions and calls a lot of the time.

try to make it gradual, initiate less, write less? I don't know what other people feel would be appropriate here.. after the talking that is. I think you should try to remember the good stuff, watch videos, look at photos, write down all the things you love about him and just be cutsey with him like "remember when we.." or "I love that you,..." stuff like that.

Hm the vacation thing, I have been there. If he's truly that busy try not to push it too much now but if you have to plan then you should bring it up casually like that you are looking at activities or flights and ask his opinion? I guess gauge a response based on his reaction.

I don't remember, how long has this been and how long have you guys been LDR?