I need a little advice please

[Puppy's.Kitty]

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. My SO and I have been dating for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier. I have gone to meet his parents, sister, and nieces all of which he lives with and from what he says they love me and I adore them. Everything is going great except his ex, now they were going out for 3 years and had plans to be married before things went bad between them and just like me he had broken up with her a little time before we got together. Normally ex's don't bug me since whenever I had to deal with them the guy was living in the same town with me. But this situation is different for me, he has made it very clear that he has no intentions of going back to her no matter what, that is not something that bothers me because I trust him completely, its mostly the things she says that bother me. Such as that our relationship is a rebound and we won't last long. I'm not normally one that is mean to someone I am a nice person or at least I try to be but for some reason this girl irksome me the wrong way. I don't wish unhappiness on her or anything I just wish she would stop trying to get him back when he is with me. I don't know how to deal with this and its really bugging me, I have considered messaging her on Facebook but I don't want to come off the wrong way and cause problems for my SO. Please if anyone can give me some advice on how to deal with this calmly it would be appreciated, I'm thinking she wants to try to start a fight though. I will answer any questions you guys have if I can answer it, I don't know much about her.

[redapple]

Hi! Firstly i think your going about this the right way with not rising to the bait but before I answer fully quick Q- Is she contacting you directly saying these things or is it through your SO?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

The best revenge you can get is to be happy with your SO. He's already made it clear to you that he doesn't want her back, and you said you trust him, so it's not like you're worried what she said is actually going to happen.

I know it's rubbing you up the wrong way, but this girl is soon going to realise all she's got is talk. Your SO doesn't want her back, and he's happy with you. She's probably just sad and jealous. And realistically, even if there was something you could say or do to shut her up, would she listen to you? Of course not, you're dating her ex. Anything you say to her is just going to breed more tension and conflict.

I suggest steering clear of her. Ignore what she says. The worst she can do is make you feel bad, and if you're getting upset over what she's saying, then it's working.

[Kiyama]

The best revenge you can get is to be happy with your SO. He's already made it clear to you that he doesn't want her back, and you said you trust him, so it's not like you're worried what she said is actually going to happen.

I know it's rubbing you up the wrong way, but this girl is soon going to realise all she's got is talk. Your SO doesn't want her back, and he's happy with you. She's probably just sad and jealous. And realistically, even if there was something you could say or do to shut her up, would she listen to you? Of course not, you're dating her ex. Anything you say to her is just going to breed more tension and conflict.

I suggest steering clear of her. Ignore what she says. The worst she can do is make you feel bad, and if you're getting upset over what she's saying, then it's working.

I second this. Don't let her cause tensions in your relationship. Ignore her and be happy with your SO. The only way she can get in between you both at this point is if you let her!

[Honour]

One of my other half's friends said that long distance relationships never work and that they always falter. A little while after she said this, he fell out with her and they haven't really spoken much since. I agree with what's been said above too, your SO's already made it clear that he loves you and doesn't want to get back with this jealous ex. At the end of the day, she hasn't gotten over him yet and is clearly jealous from what I've read. The best way to annoy someone is smiling and being happy, because that rubs up people's noses more than anything else could do. Don't message her, there's no need to. That would be her winning and all that would happen would be a argument would arise and cause tension between you and her, and your SO. Just ignore her, block her on Facebook and enjoy the time you have with your SO. If that doesn't get up her nose I don't know what will.

[Irina_Linn]

the best way to deal with it,in my opinion,is stay calm and just be happy with your bf.for such people as his ex,the more annoyed and sad you get,the happier she becomes.even though she may understand that your relationship is strong and he wont leave ypo,she just has to say bad things to feel worth something and to kinda show the world that she still got a chance.its a simple provoking tactic and the wisest thing is to ignore such things.your ignorance will freak her out and will show that you are the winner.

[Moon]

The only way you can avoid drama in this situation is by ignoring her completely, as difficult as that seems. Anything you write, say or do will be used against you, and will cause fresh waves of acting out, you'll only be adding fuel to the fire. She trying to bait you, she wants trouble and she'll probably keep this up for some time to come, you just have to get used to it until she finds something else to hold her attention, and if you give in and acknowledge her at all, even once, you'll be right back where you started.

Ex's are a fact of life, but she'll move on eventually, you just have to wait it out. Good luck.

[marbear31]

The only way you can avoid drama in this situation is by ignoring her completely, as difficult as that seems. Anything you write, say or do will be used against you, and will cause fresh waves of acting out, you'll only be adding fuel to the fire. She trying to bait you, she wants trouble and she'll probably keep this up for some time to come, you just have to get used to it until she finds something else to hold her attention, and if you give in and acknowledge her at all, even once, you'll be right back where you started.

Ex's are a fact of life, but she'll move on eventually, you just have to wait it out. Good luck.

This.

Earlier this year, my SO's ex (and baby mama) was causing all sorts of issues, and trying to come between us, saying things exactly that your SO's ex was saying. It bugged the bejeezus out of me, and I wanted so badly to lash out and to tell her to just leave my man alone. She was jealous that I was forming a good relationship with her son and that my SO was actually committing to me, instead of running back to her for a couple of days at a time. They were not good for each other (obviously :P), and, at the beginning, I was worried that he might start to have feelings for her again with all the history they had. One day, though, I had a brainflash--why was I giving her so much power in our relationship? She wasn't even a factor in our connection, and the only reason she's even in my SO's life is because of their son. It also helped me to think of her as a person, with a heart--of course she's going to feel threatened and hurt by me coming into their family. It's a new dynamic, a new situation, and it upset her world.

She's pulled everything from forbidding my SO's son telling me he loves me, giving me kisses, and saying all manner of insulting things toward me and my SO. Do I condone her actions? No. The best I (and anyone) can do is rise above the "ex" situation, and realize that it's your happiness, and the only way she can threaten it is if you let her.

Just think of her as a human with feelings, like any other one of the seven billion people on earth. Distance yourself from her effect emotionally, and I promise, it will get easier. Take refuge in your connection, and don't let anything, or anyone, threaten that.

[summerstillhere]

you should trust your SO when he said he's not going back to that woman. believe him and just ignore that jealous woman. she will keep bugging you because she's jealous. like what everyone says in this thread. just be happy with your SO thats the sweetest revenge to her.

[Chris516]

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. My SO and I have been dating for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier. I have gone to meet his parents, sister, and nieces all of which he lives with and from what he says they love me and I adore them. Everything is going great except his ex, now they were going out for 3 years and had plans to be married before things went bad between them and just like me he had broken up with her a little time before we got together. Normally ex's don't bug me since whenever I had to deal with them the guy was living in the same town with me. But this situation is different for me, he has made it very clear that he has no intentions of going back to her no matter what, that is not something that bothers me because I trust him completely, its mostly the things she says that bother me. Such as that our relationship is a rebound and we won't last long. I'm not normally one that is mean to someone I am a nice person or at least I try to be but for some reason this girl irksome me the wrong way. I don't wish unhappiness on her or anything I just wish she would stop trying to get him back when he is with me. I don't know how to deal with this and its really bugging me, I have considered messaging her on Facebook but I don't want to come off the wrong way and cause problems for my SO. Please if anyone can give me some advice on how to deal with this calmly it would be appreciated, I'm thinking she wants to try to start a fight though. I will answer any questions you guys have if I can answer it, I don't know much about her.

Several things come to mind here.

1. So what if your relationship with him is a rebound relationship for him. Do everything in your power to make it the best rebound relationship possible.

2. Do not message her on Facebook. Don't even try to contact her. He needs to 'step up to the plate' and be the one communicating with his ex-wife, not you.

3. You don't need to know much her. He needs to be the one contacting her, only him.

[Puppy's.Kitty]

She is contacting him through text message. He is trying to stay friends with her.

[Black_Halloween]

The best revenge is to just be happy.