Getting engaged before I leave?

[rain-a-shine]

My SO and I have been going out for almost 3 years now. Up until August we had been in a close-distance relationship. We've talked about our future here and there. We see ourselves getting married someday, but we want to have financial stability as well as location stability.

We both started graduate programs this year. My graduate program includes a 2 year service in the Peace Corps, so I will be gone from Aug 2013 to Aug 2015. Part of me wants to be engaged before I leave for Peace Corps because it makes me feel like we would be dedicated to working through any issues that arise more than if we were just bf/gf. I feel like being engaged would give me more certainty about what I'm going to be coming back to.

Does any of this make sense?
How do I bring this up to him without making it seem like I am pressuring him to propose?
Should I bring it up? I mean it should be something he should want to do, not something he should feel forced to do.

[Black_Halloween]

Who says he has to be the one to ask? Maybe bring it up in passing and see what he thinks then go from there.

[rain-a-shine]

It's true that I could ask him, but I want to be asked. I guess I'm a traditionalist. :/

[ushiwakafox]

It's true that I could ask him, but I want to be asked. I guess I'm a traditionalist. :/

I get that, I am too. Nothing wrong with that.
I'm kind of in the same situation, except my SO is leaving for the Air Force. I would like to be engaged before. It's hard to explain why without sounding shallow. I just feel like we've been dating long enough, and he's beginning a new life, I feel like it would be a good time to do so. Just don't wait until you're financially ready to get married. You'll be waiting forever. I say just lightly mention as like a passing thought, because it seems a lot of guys are kinda sensitive about being approached about it. My SO didn't even want to discuss it more than "someday" for a long time. Just be aware that he may be this kind of guy, and it may take some time for him to be ready for that step. It's up to you to decide if you want to wait for him or not.
It couldn't hurt to bring it up though. I've been bringing it up for almost two years and now he's starting to warm up to it X) To his defense, neither of us were ready, especially considering he was the only one with a job, and a part time job at that lol.

[Romeo s Juliet]

i think you should just lightly start playing a questions and answer game, put in some questions u d like to ask from him, deep questions, like whats his idea about a family, what he thinks of kids, thn throw a light question like, what things he likes to see you do for him everyday in the mornings when you both wake up :P things like that, slowly build the questions up.

maybe you have already asked those questions from him, but a question can always be asked differently, thn in the form of the question asnwer game, ask him what he thinks of proposing, does he thinks proposing in a crazy awesome way is cool, or if he likes to just do it simply, and if he says yes he wanna do it someday, you can ask something like, people get engaged so soon sometimes, and sometimes it takes agessss, why do u think that happens? i think his answer will give you a good idea of what he thinks about propsoing to you and how long it will take
good luck

[lucybelle]

Just start a conversation about how you two will handle being apart for two years. See how he feels about it and then tell him you would like to be engaged and ask him what he thinks. There's definitely a way to bring up engagement without pressing the issue.

Also, if you all are committed to each other, will a ring and a different title really make that much of a difference?

[nicole]

Also, if you all are committed to each other, will a ring and a different title really make that much of a difference?

This was my first reaction. I got engaged on a visit to my SO, all that changes is a ring and your relationship status on facebook In all honesty, I don't see why getting engaged will make you work any harder when you're apart, just because you have a ring on your finger? I mean, if you want to be with him and make it work, you will find a way to make it work, regardless of being engaged or not.

That being said, the marriage talk can be done without any pressure. Just asking what time frame does he see an engagement/marriage in his future can start off that conversation.

[Tooki]

Do what the others have said!

You can even ask him if he imagines you two being engaged before you go home. Or ask him if he dreams/imagines about you two being engaged.

[rain-a-shine]

Lucybelle and Nicole (and everyone else too),

It's true, I'm not sure what a ring would do. I guess I'm just feeling a bit lost. Part of the reason why I started thinking about the whole being engaged was because we are having some LDR adjustment growing pains. I've been feeling like I'm putting more effort in than he is. We've talked and we seemed to have worked it out. After thinking a bit more I think I just need him to show commitment through actions. I still think I should talk to him about our future because I need to know where we stand.

May I be honest here? I am terrified to break up right before I leave for peace corps, so I feel like I need to talk about where our relationship is going. I know I'm going to see him in November and I am going to bring it up then. That way I have time to think about what I want and I'll be able to talk to him face-to-face.

Everyone's advice has really helped even though there is no easy road for me to go down. I just need time to form cohesive thoughts.

[nicole]

^^ It's a big change for you, you're bound to be confused and uncertain. I was CD before going LD too, and before my SO and I had a talk, I thought he was going to break up with me before I left. Turns out he was terrified I was going to do the same thing Talking about the future is very important when trying to figure out how it's going to work and what you are going to do to make it work.

We took going LD as a test to start off with. We figured we are going to try make this work, then when my schooling was over, we'd know what to do. We got engaged after over a year of being apart, then another 7 months of being apart to get together again. Those 7 months were tough. It means you are committed, yes, but it can also put you under a lot of strain too.

What I am saying is, by all means, you need to communicate and talk about the future, though being engaged is not necessarily the answer to your fears. The two of you putting the effort in to making your relationship work is what will keep you together, not a different label.