I am in desperate need for many different opinions! I'm usually a very cautious, guarded person. For that reason, I've been single for the last 5 years. I've done some dating, but nothing serious. I was surprised to hear from a friend from college a few months ago. He claimed to have always wanted to date me back in college (we had an almost-fling one night that ended because I was sort of dating someone else), and invited me to come visit. Again, being a very guarded person, it was super out of character for me to agree to go...but I did. As I'm getting older, I figure it's good to take chances. So, I flew 400ish miles to visit 2 weekends ago. I was nervous as heck, but he was wonderful. He treated me to everything, made breakfast, held my hand, and made me feel like his girlfriend. I was completely enamored by the end of the weekend. But, because I've been hurt a lot and am used to rejection, I started feeling sad about the situation as soon as I left. And I may have good reason...
I didn't hear from him other than a text the day after I left. Then, nothing for two days. it seemed weird that after all our intimacy he could leave me hanging like that. So, I sent a light-hearted email telling him I had a really great time, and was excited to visit again (I have another trip lined up in 3 weeks). I also asked for his take on the situation: if it was a few fun weekends or if this could potentially go somewhere. I didn't do it in a forceful kind of way, and he responded pretty quickly. He said that he had a really great time, too, and that he likes me and wants to spend more time with me. But, he made it clear that he is unsure what to make of the distance, as he has a tough time maintaining a serious relationship through phone calls alone. My first reaction was that this was a fair answer, and I wasn't sure how a LDR would work, either, so I told him that. Then, after thinking about it and talking with some very over-protective friends and family, I convinced myself that I was NOT good with that answer, and wrote him another email telling him that I probably shouldn't visit if he doesn't think there's even a possibility for an LDR. Again, I gave him a pretty easy out, and I ended it with that if he didn't want to bother replying, I understand. I did not hear from him. I was completely crushed/depressed for the next few days.
I began thinking I may have reacted too quickly and made a mistake. I didn't know how I could go back on what I said, and there was a lot of crying and kicking myself. I decided to send him a text telling him I felt I'd made a too hasty decision, and was confused/scared because I like him and have been hurt before. I told him I still wanted to see him if he was game. He replied immediately that of course he wanted to see me. He also said that he doesn't know what the future holds, but he does want to spend more time with me, and that it can be hard to know what to do. He basically absolved me of my reaction and made me feel like we were back on track (whatever that track may be).
So that was great, but then I didn't hear from him again for 3 days! I finally texted him yesterday saying that I missed hearing from him, and he responded that he did, too, and he had thought that I didn't want to hear from him. He said that he apologized for not being more attentive and now that he knows we would talk more. So, ok, that's good; I did get a text today asking how the week was going, and I replied a while ago and still haven't gotten a response. I know I'm really out of practice in relationships, but I feel like he's keeping me at arms distance, and it's hard to stay calm about it. I do like him a lot, and we have great chemistry/compatibility. I'd definitely be willing to move to him if things work out (he doesn't know that as of now), but I just need to know if I'm wasting my time. It's hard because I don't have any other options right now, and I'd love for something to come of this. Could he just be scared, or is he giving me a clear message?
I didn't hear from him other than a text the day after I left. Then, nothing for two days. it seemed weird that after all our intimacy he could leave me hanging like that. So, I sent a light-hearted email telling him I had a really great time, and was excited to visit again (I have another trip lined up in 3 weeks). I also asked for his take on the situation: if it was a few fun weekends or if this could potentially go somewhere. I didn't do it in a forceful kind of way, and he responded pretty quickly. He said that he had a really great time, too, and that he likes me and wants to spend more time with me. But, he made it clear that he is unsure what to make of the distance, as he has a tough time maintaining a serious relationship through phone calls alone. My first reaction was that this was a fair answer, and I wasn't sure how a LDR would work, either, so I told him that. Then, after thinking about it and talking with some very over-protective friends and family, I convinced myself that I was NOT good with that answer, and wrote him another email telling him that I probably shouldn't visit if he doesn't think there's even a possibility for an LDR. Again, I gave him a pretty easy out, and I ended it with that if he didn't want to bother replying, I understand. I did not hear from him. I was completely crushed/depressed for the next few days.
I began thinking I may have reacted too quickly and made a mistake. I didn't know how I could go back on what I said, and there was a lot of crying and kicking myself. I decided to send him a text telling him I felt I'd made a too hasty decision, and was confused/scared because I like him and have been hurt before. I told him I still wanted to see him if he was game. He replied immediately that of course he wanted to see me. He also said that he doesn't know what the future holds, but he does want to spend more time with me, and that it can be hard to know what to do. He basically absolved me of my reaction and made me feel like we were back on track (whatever that track may be).
So that was great, but then I didn't hear from him again for 3 days! I finally texted him yesterday saying that I missed hearing from him, and he responded that he did, too, and he had thought that I didn't want to hear from him. He said that he apologized for not being more attentive and now that he knows we would talk more. So, ok, that's good; I did get a text today asking how the week was going, and I replied a while ago and still haven't gotten a response. I know I'm really out of practice in relationships, but I feel like he's keeping me at arms distance, and it's hard to stay calm about it. I do like him a lot, and we have great chemistry/compatibility. I'd definitely be willing to move to him if things work out (he doesn't know that as of now), but I just need to know if I'm wasting my time. It's hard because I don't have any other options right now, and I'd love for something to come of this. Could he just be scared, or is he giving me a clear message?
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