Need advice to see if it's nuts or not

[CutieTii]

Ok so, I was wondering If anyone has ever lived with their bf/gf without even meeting them first, I am really that crazy? yes I am but you see me and him been together for over year and a half and we talk like NEARLY everyday by Skype call, texts. And well he was thinking of moving in with me in late nov and well I told my father, My bf is planning to stay till he gets enough money from a job to move to a place on his own. So what I'm asking is...

Do you think it's ok if you're lover you have never met and only talked online live in your house?

If confused just ask questions. I will answer.

[D.4C]

if it feels right to both of you...then i say do it...just be open about everything...be understanding...work together...and everything will work out fine

[Verojoon]

I wouldn't do it...

That being said, after 3 visits with my bf, I know that even if we had lived together from the first, we would have been okay... Only, our growing pains as a couple would have been different. I think if you both have a back-up plan in case it doesn't work out, so you do not feel like you are stuck together or either of you has nothing to go back to, etc. then it is not crazy... Expect that it will not all be roses and unicorns and rainbows, though... There will be some adjustments... My bf and I went through a lot of that type of adjustment on our second visit... But I'm sure if we manage to close the distance, we will have more adjusting to do...

Follow your heart while also listening to your brain. Trust your instinct, but make up a back-up plan. That is my opinion, anyways!

[Mims27]

That's a tough one. My instinct says no but, like Verojoon, I think if my SO and I would have done it that way I think it would have turned out fine. Just go with your heart and your gut. I find gut feelings are usually right. If you truly love this person and know you want to spend your life together then it's really up to you!
Good luck!

[Sora1101]

My brain says it's never smart to let anyone into your home you don't know in real life, there are all sorts of things that might not work out, you don't even know if you'll be compatible when you meet let alone going from LD to living under the same roof without any adjustment period where you get used to each other's mannerisms and pet peeves.

[Moon]

Nope, no way, I'd never do it. There are just way too many things you can't know without spending time together in person. Sometimes people just don't have the chemistry you thought you would, and then you're stuck. A few hours of chat time a day over a year and a half's time does not prepare you for 24x7, it just doesn't. Every visit with my boyfriend teaches me things about him, both good and not-so-good, and there are occasions where you'll find that not-so-good stuff are things you can't live with. What will you do if he can't get a job in your country? Unskilled labor isn't exactly in demand in the UK, so unless he's quite educated and experienced, I don't think he's going to find something quickly that'll afford him to be able to get a place.

What if your parents don't like him? Or, how long will they allow him to realistically live there for free? I would never, ever allow my daughter's boyfriend to move into my house without knowing him first. I really, really recommend you at least visit each other first, then decide what to do from there.

[Moon]

That's a tough one. My instinct says no but, like Verojoon, I think if my SO and I would have done it that way I think it would have turned out fine. Just go with your heart and your gut. I find gut feelings are usually right. If you truly love this person and know you want to spend your life together then it's really up to you!
Good luck!

Sellersville, huh? That's only a few miles from me Have you visited yet? it's a really pretty area!

[kittyo9]

You could try it, but I'd advise against it. Is there no way you can just do an extended visit (like a couple weeks)? Something that still gives him the option to go back home instead of moving his life and relying on you for support? If it were your place that you were paying for, I'd say do it if you want and you could let him stay as long as you like, but there are other people involved here besides just you and him and you're asking a lot of your parents to let someone they don't know move in with and depend on them for an unspecified amount of time.

[pink elephant]

I agree with a lot of the points that Moon makes.

You got to know him a lot online and his personality through talking about it.. but through physical presence - that's another story.

Meeting someone you get to see for yourself how you work with each other, and as Moon says, if it turns out not to be all that great - then you end up being stuck with the guy for however long he stays. By getting to know someone by meeting them, you find out
- about their habits - good and bad (just an example: maybe they are great at talking and expressing themselves online, but when they talk in person.. they are very quiet or complain a lot)
- how they interact with other people like your family and friends (and you can be the judge of whether you like how they treat others or not)
- whether or not there is truth to what they say (for example, my ex was always pleasant around me in front of others, but completely changed and became mean when it was just me and him! I'm so glad I got out of that relationship because I didn't realize it was an abusive one!)

Even if I dated someone close distance every day for a year and a half, personally, I don't think I'd let them move in with me until I felt VERY comfortable with them. (I'm someone who likes to take my time in getting to know someone rather than rushing things.)

Have you considered maybe establishing some kind of rules? Perhaps be prepared for several situations:
A. If your parents like him, he finds a job and accommodation, and things work out between you both - then he can stay.
B. If it turns out things aren't spiffy between you two, maybe reconsider plans and just consider this as a "meeting," he goes home, and if he decides to keep up with you, then maybe the relationship is worth continuing.
C. If you both don't get along, then.. maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But that's OK and requires both of you to agree on this.

Good luck with whatever you do!

[ST25]

Despite knowing that this seems like a heartfelt decision to do, I would have to say no.

One would have to remember that if your boyfriend's going to be staying in with you, he'll have to support himself (or else it'll be financial stress on your father - two people to support including himself?) Also, I agree with what the others have said so far. You will never actually know a person unless you live with them. So what happens when you two suddenly do not click together as well as you did online? That's going to be the tip of the iceberg of conflict right there, especially if he's coming with a one-way ticket. So I would say that just try to set up some short term visits with each other. Test the waters and go from there. =)

[Zapookie]

Is there no way he can just have a longer visit? (like a month or two? or three?)

My boyfriends first visit was 3 months long and he stayed with me. I learned a lot about him and we decided to close the distance the next visit round. BOY, is it SOOOO different (and more difficult). I learned even more - some things good, some bad. It's not all sunshine and daisies, but I wouldn't take back the decision we made to go CD. It's been a huge learning curve for the both of us.

[dianacakes]

I believe all the above posters have written valid points.

You and your SO might have known each other for a year and a half, but it's definitely different when you are constantly together 24/7 under the same house.

Every time my bf comes to visit me, I sometimes get annoyed of a few little things but I'm sure my bf finds things I do to be annoying. lol But it's just those things that you learn about each other that you grow to love/deal with because you love them.

And remember, if you guys get into a fight, your SO won't be able to go anywhere since..yall are living together. Think it through! I suggest meeting each other a couple times or at least meet each other for a longer duration (1-2 months)

good luck with your decision!

[Romeo s Juliet]

In my opinion NO. i wont do it. a quick look at your profile tells me that you are 18 years old. so I assume your bf is the same age? its nothing to do with age, but this age is when you both should be concentrating alot more on your studies. getting independent academically?

do you honestly feel that this is a good idea? not not about what we think, but if you can adapt to having your bf whom you have never seen or met, being at your house 24/7, have you both considered what would be the back up plan if this just does not work out the way you both think?

i think you need to consider all of these things with him. is it possible for him to have long visits before you both decide to live togther? if that is possible then maybe you should loo into that first
good luck!

[Dezface]

I think it would take *a lot* for me to live with someone I've never met in person. My SO and I will be doing it after only spending a little over 3 weeks in each other's presence. And that's a tad scary!

I know you probably don't want to hear it but your age doesn't help the situation. I would definitely advise waiting awhile, meeting, and then see where you're at.

[lademoiselle]

I'd never do it, I think it's too great a risk to take (for all the reasons the previous posters have mentioned). The idea of an extended visit is a good one - would that be a possibility for you? As it is you have no indication whatsoever of how you'd get on living together day in, day out, because talking online alone just isn't the same. I know how hard it can be when your heart is pulling you in a certain direction, but don't forget about your head either! Good luck with whatever you decide