Bipolar boyfriend dumped me

[DefJenny]

My boyfriend dumped me recently, for the past 3 weeks communication on his end diminished greatly. I realize it was partly because I expressed some concerns about his female friends and whether or not his behavior was appropriate. Then he got laid off from work, hit a deer with his car and just stopped communicating with me. For 5 months it was nothing but bliss, we visited each other and even during the last visit we were on top of the world. Now a month later its like I never existed. He removed all traces of me on FB, and basically informed me that his kids who do not even live with him (1 lives in another country, the other 6 hrs away) don't want him moving from our home town to be closer to me. I told him that is fine his kids come 1st. And graciously gave him an out. He said he was sorry and didn't want to hurt me but I told him again. His kids are more important than I am and I'll live.
Then we ended the chat even tho I am physically in the same town as he is right now for the weekend to visit my family he has chosen not to see me tonight because he's too stressed and upset. I told him that was fine and this was before he informed me of the kids.
I am very hurt, I really thought we had a bright future ahead of us. We connected so well, the chemistry was awesome and as I stated the 1st five months were wonderful.
I am trying to let go and it helps that I did not see him for the past 5 weeks but I am still very sad and unsure of why things fell apart? I tried to give him space when he became uncommunicative and told me he was stressed but I was going through my own stress and wanted some support but never got any.
Now I've gone and unfriended him on FB and I am blocking his gmail to me as well. As far as I am concerned theres nothing left to say.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions on why it didn't work out or what I did that was so terrible, please let me know. It is a lousy feeling to be dumped so quickly!

[Sharon Q]

People that deal with things like mental illness, its common for break ups. Why not suggest moving to him ? ( tho he may have used the kids wants as an excuse if the kids are that far i dont see why him moving would be an issue to them )

I dont think you should block him right off the bat, maybe give him more time to come around.

If it has come to a complete end, the best thing to do to cope is keep busy, hang out with friends get your mind off of the situation.

[DefJenny]

Well I stopped by to see him unannounced and we talked for a good 1.5 hours and he admitted he was unsure he would be ok to move at a 1/2 way point between my home in NYC and his home in PA. I would consider moving to his area if there was work for me because I teach a very specialized field and unfortunately the state of PA does not recognize my speciality therefore no teaching jobs :/ he stated that in the past he has lived else where but always ends up returning to our home town. He thought he would be okay to move when he was feeling stable but right now he is in a deep depression and is struggling from day to day. He kept telling me he didn't think I would be happy with him in the long run and I didn't argue. I told him I thought we had a great thing going and that I loved him. While I was there he was as affectionate as always and we never had an unkind word to one another nor did we ever fight. It breaks my heart that his issues with bipolar etc etc prevents him from being here for me and it makes him feel bad. He kept apologizing. He said we could stay friends but I am unable to do that because I was never his friend to begin with. We dated 20 yrs ago and then got in touch last year. And all of the old feelings came rushing back for us both but reality has sunk in. Its hard to believe I will never get to see him again because I cannot be his friend. I have my own issues to wrestle with and it would cause me more pain to stay friends with him and see him end up with someone else who is from my home town. I didn't block him on FB but I did unfriend him simply because it would be too painful for me to see what he is up to.
Just sucks because the heart wants what the heart wants :/

[alittlemind]

I'm really sorry this didn't work out for you. I have a form of bipolar (cyclothymia) and although it doesn't affect the relationship with my boyfriend too much (that I have noticed) I've seen it affect some of my other daily relationships. Mental illnesses really suck; we all (the ones with them and the people around them) deal with them differently. It is good that you talked with him, and didn't finish this on a sour note. Exactly like Sharon Q said, keep busy, spend time with friends. It's gonna be hard, of course. It's hard because it mattered. But we get through these things and who knows what's waiting for you down the road. Best wishes to you!

[DefJenny]

Thank you just so hard because I really loved him, and I have my own issues with ADD and how it affects the quality of my life so when I met him I felt so accepted for my own hang ups and now I am by myself and it hurts. Twice now he has hurt me, once 20 yrs ago and again now. Neither times did he mean to but my heart just doesn't understand.

[Sharon Q]

Right now he just isnt at a place where he can be with you. Will he be in the future ? Possibly but I dont know.

My SO and I both deal with mental illness. Weve been together for four years but weve broken up a lot ( around four or five times )

Its not easy. But it has gotten better for us. Weve gotten better at talking things out instead of just giving up.

With any mental illness and dating it takes work. And its not easy but in my opinion its worth it.

All you can do for now os live your life and see what happens. The more you focous on you and not him and the break up the better. Just do what you need to do to be happy

It will get easier as time goes on

[Chris516]

People that deal with things like mental illness, its common for break ups. Why not suggest moving to him ? ( tho he may have used the kids wants as an excuse if the kids are that far i dont see why him moving would be an issue to them )

I dont think you should block him right off the bat, maybe give him more time to come around.

If it has come to a complete end, the best thing to do to cope is keep busy, hang out with friends get your mind off of the situation.

I wanted to move to my fiance's locale, from the very start. But that has never happened. We even looked at a second house her parents own. To live in, so she could be near them considering their health n' ages(both of them are still able to drive).

[Gurl]

It doesn't sound like you did any thing wrong, per se. Mental illness Is so hard to deal with close or far away. I'm wondering if he has found the right combo of meds or went off his meds for some reason. I know it is very important to stay on meds for most mental illnesses. Just a thought. I hope he gets to a better place soon. For now, I'd advise keeping busy and focusing on you and healing the hurt.

[Chris516]

Right now he just isnt at a place where he can be with you. Will he be in the future ? Possibly but I dont know.

My SO and I both deal with mental illness. Weve been together for four years but weve broken up a lot ( around four or five times )

Its not easy. But it has gotten better for us. Weve gotten better at talking things out instead of just giving up.

With any mental illness and dating it takes work. And its not easy but in my opinion its worth it.

All you can do for now os live your life and see what happens. The more you focous on you and not him and the break up the better. Just do what you need to do to be happy

It will get easier as time goes on

I am in sort of the same position. My SO n' I have been together five years.

I don't give up easy. As for, living for myself, I need to also do that.

Any relationship, where mental illness is known, not just before the fact of friendship/dating/marriage, or it occurs after the fact, is tough on the relationship. But if both people are committed to the relationship, it can work.