Since we met in person why is it harder to deal with the distance and communicate? :(

[aiz420]

I first met my boyfriend on July 7, 2012. We instantly hit it off and would talk for hours on the phone, text and Skype everyday unless we were sleeping. After talking about seeing each other since the beginning, I decided to go see him because of his job. So I went from Sept.16-22. It was the best week of my life and his. We felt like we knew each other forever and we were comfortable around each other. We can talk about anything with each other without worrying about being judged. Things from my past that I am not proud of and would never tell people especially a guy I just met. Well ever since I've been back home it feel like we don't communicate as much. He tells me when I send him pictures that it hard b/c it makes him miss me even more. My worst fear when I decided to go see him was that it would make it harder and he would always assure me that he believed that it wouldn't and would just make us stronger and that much more determined to do what we needed to do to be together with no distance faster. Now its like they are coming true. He says he never thought that it would be so hard and that he misses me more and more everyday to the point of getting depressed. I'm at a lose of where to go from here. But I don't want to loose him and I know he feels the same, but it seems like he has shut me out so that it makes it a little easier. We still talk but sometimes its only a couple of texts or a five min phone call. I really want this to work and I know he does to because he has said even though it is really hard he wont give up. Please if anyone has any kind of advice of what I can do please let me know.Thank you

[lademoiselle]

Every time I come back from a visit with my SO, we find that we almost have nothing to say to each other for about a week. Once you've grown accustomed to being around each other in person, it's painful to go back to chatting online because it seems so unreal in comparison, the screen being a very poor substitute for face to face communication! The thing is, you have to try and push through it, because once you get past the initial difficulty it does get better. What helps us a lot is making video/voice calls (we don't do those things often) as that makes us feel better connected. Do you guys use webcam?

As the days pass you'll fall back into a routine, and perhaps you'll even be able to start planning for your next trip. Do keep in touch as much as possible though, I can't stress this enough. While it may hurt at first, not having that closeness at all, small as it is, will only make you feel worse. Good luck

[temporaryuser]

we have the same problem after every visit. It takes a while to get back into the texting instead of touching because it does remind you of the distance. we get thru it, and fall back into the routine.
Remind him that you want this to work, that you will see each other again, and to keep the hope alive.

[D.4C]

i do agree with what the others have told you...but it seems that my situation with my girlfriend is different..in that since she was here...she just left wednesday...i text as much as if not more than usual...and we talked on the phone as soon as she got back home...even though it was after midnight for me...i needed to know she was home safe...and needed to hear her voice...cuz i knew it would make me feel better and help me sleep better and maybe miss her a little less...then thursday night...even though she had no voice cuz she was sick...i still called her on skype...i talked...she typed...lol...and had to call her last night before i went to bed...i know we are all different...but for me...i need contact with her even more now...so my two cents...is just keep in touch the best you can...and it will come around

[Sora1101]

What you're both going through is totally normal. It's hard to readjust from having the person you love in your arms to however many miles away and everyone deals with it in a different way. While you might want more contact he might want a bit of space so he can deal with his emotions. The best solution is to talk about it, see where he's coming from and explain where you're coming from. If you still can't come to an understanding just give it a little time for emotions to settle down and it'll be back to normal soon.

[candylovesbrett]

Everyone is right on here in their own ways. Sora1101 hit the nail on the head. Everyone deals in their own way. You two may be very different in how you deal with your emotions. Have you ever read the book "the five love languages" it has some great insigh on how ppl perceive and recieve love. Hang in there and remember the love you have for each other is stronger than the distance.

[aiz420]

Its been 3 weeks yesterday and it just seems like if I would of never went to meet him then we would still be closer. I really don't know what to do...I've been driving myself crazy. I feel like I'm going to loose the best thing that's ever happened to me because of the distance. I want to have our closeness back before we actually met in person. And I don't know how to do that when I feel like I'm the only one trying. Do you have any suggestions???

[temporaryuser]

how old are the two of you?
I know you said you havent talked much, but it seems you may need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Find out if it is truly the distance that is making him pull away. Is there maybe something that happened while you two were together that may have made him change his mind, and he just hasnt wanted to tell you? Find out if he honestly cannot handle the distance - some people cant. its fine when there is nothing but distance, but once you are together and reminded what it is like to actually be with someone, you may not like the idea of it being ldr.
Do you have plans of seeing each other again? For me, it makes a huge difference knowing that there is a set date that I will see him again. Otherwise it just seems like it will never happen.
He needs to be honest about his reason for pulling away from you since the visit. And you need to be honest about the way it makes you feel. Give him communication options - face time, skype, texting, phone calls, email, snail mail etc. But dont hound him. Put it out there and let him digest what you are saying and how you feel