People with SO's who live with their parents... (visits)

[alittlemind]

Well my boyfriend lives with his grandparents. Last time I asked to visit I spoke directly to them. We're only teenagers (16 and 17), so I guess it is different for older couples, but how does it usually go when you're planning to visit? Do you ask your SO's parents or do you just ask your SO and they'll talk to their parents?

Also, my boyfriend's grandparents are not sure if they'd like me staying in the house. I understand this, but I'd really like to visit him, and staying in a hotel seems pretty ridiculous. If I'm not allowed to visit him alone we'll be seeing each other maybe every six months. I just don't know how to deal with this. Should I talk to them about it? Or should I just leave it be, and tough it out? I have a opportunity to visit him the beginning of next month and since we're having a little trouble with the distance right now I think it could really help if we saw each other for a little bit. I just don't know how to approach it after the last time I asked didn't go so well...

Anyway, thanks for any advice.

[D.4C]

i would say...especially since you are both under the age of 18...that i can kinda understand how his grandparents might feel...but honestly...if you want to get together...you will find a way...so why not let you stay there...i wouldn't really suggest you talking to his grandparents about it..let him handle that part since he knows them better...and how they react to things...and i know the hotel things is kinda ridiculous...but if it is what will work...then so be it...and toughing it out if that's what you decide to do...while harder...will still be worth it...good luck!!!

[lademoiselle]

Hmm, it's a difficult one because ultimately it's your SO's grandparents' house and they have the final say on who can stay there. I think your boyfriend should be the one to plead your case (so to speak) though since they're his grandparents, and he'll probably know how best to approach them. If it comes to the worst though, staying in a hotel isn't all bad! Every time my SO comes to visit me we go away together because my parents wouldn't deem it appropriate for my SO to stay at our house, which I have to respect. Admittedly being in this situation is harder when you're under the age of 18, but it's not impossible to find a way... you may have to make some compromises though

What I would suggest is seeing if your SO can reason further with his grandparents, and if not, do look into the hotel option. If it's just the sleeping arrangements his grandparents are concerned about, you'll still get to see one another during the day - remember it won't be this way forever, and surely that time spent together is better than no time at all. I hope you can work it out!

[Zephii]

I'm not in this situation anymore obviously, but there was a time where I was
Generally, you talk to your SO, he asks his guardians for permission.

Obi's parents didn't want me staying in their house either, at least not at first, so both of us stayed two weeks with one of his friends. Maybe something like this would be an option? I mean, it's not the best solution privacy wise, but you can make it work. Friends tend to be more laid back than parentals.

When Obi's parents did consent to having me in their house, they certainly did not want us sharing a room (even though we were in our twenties. We weren't married, and that was an issue for them. Thankfully, they came around.) - maybe you could agree to sleep apart if you did visit, and that would give his grandparents piece of mind?

If you must stay in a hotel, perhaps you could find backpacker accommodation to help keep costs down.

[Brieasaurus]

Does he have any siblings? Perhaps you could stay with them? My SO still lives with his parents (it's the best option financially speaking) and the times we've talked about me coming there, it was either a) stay in the extra room which used to be his sister's (not really an option- we're both not comfortable with me staying there), b) stay at his sister's apartment or c) hotel. Long stay hotels aren't that bad, it's like $150 for a week! Or you guys could get a tent and camp outside! Stay at his grandparent's during the day, camp at night. Always an option haha.

[ST25]

Haha, I've been in this type of situation before - and it sucked the first time I went through it. :P

Considering that it his grandparent's place that you would be staying at, I don't think you have to speak with them. That's your boyfriend's job to talk with them about it. Hotel stays can grow pretty expensive depending on where he goes and how long he stays for a visit. Maybe he can visit you instead? Or if that doesn't work, just be patient and see what they say from his end.

[ohaiclover]

I was actually just talking with my SO about this today. I finally mustered up enough courage to tell my mom about my SO today (I currently live with her), I was a little scared because we haven't met yet but she took the news well and now we can finally start planning our meet hopefully in the very near future. Anyway, she's fine with him coming but she doesn't feel comfortable with him staying here, which I can understand. It's going to suck not being able to spend the night with him since I wouldn't be able to go stay at a hotel with him due to some circumstances I'm in as well as the fact that I wouldn't have anyone to watch my son but like someone mentioned before, it's not forever. Seeing him only during the day is better than not seeing him at all! I'm sincerely hoping that she will change her mind when he gets here though. :P

Good luck to you girl, I'm sure you'll figure something out!

[Sharon Q]

My dad wont let my SO stay so we are looking into him staying at a friends youcould try that

[Tooki]

The first time, my GF asked her sister/brother in law. I then spoke to them and got to know them a bit before I came over (so they could see that I'm not a pedo etc)

Now that I know them, it's just a case of giving them some notice.

And on my end, I live out of home. I typically share a house with others so it depends on them. My parents don't mind if I bring my GF to their house. They want to meet her!

[Alle1770]

I'm agreeing to what most people say around here, have your SO talk to them about it and see what happens! I still live with my parents and so does my SO, and my mum and dad have been perfectly fine with him coming over every time Though lately when he's been staying for 1-2 months at a time they have started asking him if he can pay them a little bit, since they have to buy more food and do more laundry, and the waterbill becomes a little bit higher. Maybe you can talk to your boyfriend about that if money is the problem for his grandparents, you could pay them a sum of money for staying there or something, it will still be cheaper than staying at a hotel

[Dziubka]

My boyfriend lived with his parents - and now I live with them
Luckily they've never had a problem with me staying over. Like the others said, it's your SOs job to talk to them. He knows them better than you do and (imho) it would be sort of weird for you to ask them.
I don't think it's fair for parents to not let their children's SOs (or friends) stay over. Except maybe for the first visit (I'm not so keen on absolute strangers in my house either), but after all... if the family lives there together, it's just as much the children's place as it is the parents'. If they can have guests, so should their chldren. But then again, I guess it's a cultural thing and the world's not always fair.

If his grandparents won't let you stay with him/them, staying with friends or at a hostel would be cheaper than a hotel.
And I totally like the camping idea. I just don't know how realistic it is. Would I let someone I don't want to stay at my house camp in my backyard and use my bathroom?! :-/

[SoFarAway]

I actually think you should ask your SO which way would be appropriate. He knows best how his grandparents tick. If my daughter's (noooo no, i don't have one yet) boyfriend wanted to stay over, I would actually be impressed that he would ask me himself. And then it always depends how that fella would ask me. I might chew him out afterwards (LOL the scene from Bad Boys 2 just came to my mind)...

But seriously, ask your SO how they tick and have either him ask them or you can call them up yourself.

[enemey96]

The first time my boyfriend came over to say to me, which was also our first visit, I was really nervous about asking my mum if he could stay. But I asked her and she said that it was fine and was really cool with it.
I would recommend that you maybe talk to his grandparents a but as it sometimes helps, in my opinion anyway. For example, the first time I went over to stay with my boyfriend I wasn't sure if I should ask his mum or not, so I sorted it all with my boyfriend and he'd asked his mum and she said that it was all fine with her. But just before I booked my flights, I sent her a message just to make sure it was alright with her, she said that of course it was. My boyfriend later told me that his mum was pleased that I'd sent her a message just to make sure.
So maybe you could just ask him if you can have a chat with them the next time you talk to your boyfriend? I'm sure it's be fine if he was the one to sort it out, but it will probably make a good first impression on his grandparents if you do. And if they say no, even after you and your boyfriend ask, then I think that staying at a friends is a good idea because then you can still be with each other more than at a hotel and it's cheaper than a hotel