HELP!! What is going on and how do we fix it??

[us2gether]

Im a wreck right now and need some advice.. I have been talking on the phone with my SO since end of March... we saw each other end of june, mid july, beg of aug, mid sept and have a trip planned end of oct.. we have a great relationship in person, but these times apart over the phone are rough! We argue and bicker and cant seem to get it right!! Dont get me wrong we have great times over the phone still, tell each other how much we love and miss each other etc etc, but we also have stress and irritation too... but its never there in person!! Im also having a hard time trusting someone that is so far away and could get away with cheating and I would never know... any advice??

Thank You!!

PS- why isnt my profile pic showing??

[cymlee]

My guess is that it's hard for you two to adjust to being apart once you leave from a visit. Seeing each other once a month is more than a lot of long distance couples, so I think you two just have a hard time because you're used to being together quite often. Trust is something that will come with time, but it's totally necessary in a relationship, especially one that is long distance. has your significant other given you a reason to not trust? My advice is to think positively until you have a reason not to. There's no way you can know what happens when you're around, but you should try to have faith in your s/o.

[Sharon Q]

Its sorta the same way for my SO and I we fight more over the phone than we do in person.
Its rough being apart and the stress from that can create fighting.

Try to figure out the rute cause, what starts the fighting?
Is it trust issues? not talking enough? is it little things?

It could just be distance and stress.

I've been with my SO for four years, I've learned to pick and chose my battles.

What is worth fighting about and what isnt worth fighting about?

Tho you two are together you wont always see eye to eye on the same subjects.

[jleec24]

My girlfriend and I were like this for quite a while as well. We saw each other more frequently than you guys did but we sort of depended on those meetings. We were fantastic together but after a while apart we would bicker over the smallest of things and go at it for days and then when we saw each other everything was lovey dovey again because I got to hold her and see her and everything. Then we got stuck in a situation and she had to move and I wouldn't see her for 10 more months and I too had thoughts of distrust.

I agree with cymlee, I think you guys need to adjust to the distance portion of the relationship. My suggestion is either find a way to exert that negative energy differently. Either turn it into a positive or try to do something that will you give you peace. Maybe if you're currently fighting just stop yourself, take a few deep breaths and count to 10 and just remind yourself you're in love with this guy and you really don't want to be fighting with somebody you care so dearly about. Otherwise you can do something that you personally think is calming. Write, draw, make him something even? Whatever puts you at peace.

As for the distrust, if he hasn't given you a reason to not trust him then it's all in your head. Find a way to make your mindset so that if you think about him cheating tell yourself "He wouldn't, he loves me" and don't think about it again.

I'm not sure if your s/o is a patient sort of guy and if he would be offended by hearing this but maybe if you tell him you're worried about the cheating, if you just talk to him then you'll feel a little bit more reassured.

[Moon]

The most important thing in an LDR is trust, any of our SO's could be cheating and we wouldn't know it, sure, but if you don't find a way to let that go and trust him, this will never be a healthy and happy relationship. To be in an LDR, you have to give in to a bit of blind trust, even when it can feel uncomfortable, until he gives you a real reason not to trust him. If you can't, there's no sense in putting yourself through all the hassle, love alone can't sustain a relationship and make you feel good about it, and maybe being in an LDR isn't for you, not everyone can do them.

Another thing that I've found important is to let the little things go, it keeps us from bickering over stupid things that don't really matter much. Sometimes I need to bite back my tongue and have to give myself a few minutes to think, but I usually find that once I've done that, whatever it was wasn't worth the fight. I try to save that for things that I really feel strongly about.

[us2gether]

Thank you to all the replies and please keep them coming... No, he hasnt given me a reason to not trust him, he is constantly telling me he loves me, im the love of his life, etc etc I just get paranoid and start harping on him cause he takes awhile to txt back, or we dont talk as much on the phone as we used to and I start getting paranoid he is talking to someone else, but he always tells me its just me and nothing has changed. Its just so hard when in the beginning you talk for like 6 hours straight and again late and now sometimes only 2 hours at a time sparatically... Is this normal??

[Moon]

Thank you to all the replies and please keep them coming... No, he hasnt given me a reason to not trust him, he is constantly telling me he loves me, im the love of his life, etc etc I just get paranoid and start harping on him cause he takes awhile to txt back, or we dont talk as much on the phone as we used to and I start getting paranoid he is talking to someone else, but he always tells me its just me and nothing has changed. Its just so hard when in the beginning you talk for like 6 hours straight and again late and now sometimes only 2 hours at a time sparatically... Is this normal??

Yeah, that's totally normal, I mean think about it, those first few months of a relationship are pretty nuts, you can't get enough of each other, or spend enough time together, so you're on the phone (or whatever form of communication) constantly, but there's no way to keep up that pace forever, life needs to happen. Jobs need to be worked, laundry needs to be washed, vacuums run, groceries bought, etc. at some point life happens and you need to get your other stuff done too. Communication becomes less frenzied, you fall into a more comfortable rhythm, you kind of get back on track, but with him (or her) included. It happens to all of us eventually Sometimes it can be a tough transition, but it really is normal and OK. He doesn't love you any less, or not think of you as much, he just has to take care of all the aspects of his life.

[temporaryuser]

its called the honeymoon period. The first months/weeks whatever of a realtionship, the other person is your whole world. You cant get enough of them. Then you realize things are good, you are comfortable with each other and how things are going and other aspects f life start getting in the way.
You realize you dont HAVE to be in constant contact to know that the love is there, and that you trust that person.
This is actually very healthy. Couples that are together for years, do not have constant contact with each other, or you would never get anything else done. You need time away from each other (wether physically, or verbally) to deveolop your own self or you cant grow as a couple. You dont want to become so emotionally tied to someone that you cant be apart from them.
Try to keep yourself busy. Find a class, exercise, spend time with friends/family. leave the phone at home and go for a walk. So you miss a text, know what? he wont think you dont care, he will realize you have a life

[us2gether]

Thank you all!!! You were very helpful! Update: We had a serious talk and I told him I sent the crazy woman packing, and ever since I have we have been wonderful!!! He has been working alot of hours so we have talked some during the day at work and lunch, and our normal every night from 8pm-11pm and have been amazing!!! I really think it was me being insecure and crazy didnt help us at all! 17 more days until I am in his arms and this is now the hard part!!! HURRY DAYS!!!