FreaKING A!!! OMG…. So I’m trying to draw, can’t come up with a good drawing, trying to figure out how I feel this morning… get it out… And at the same point I feel like I just need to get out of this dorm room. I have to shower, eat, and do at least 10 blind contour drawings for art tonight. And Drew called me last night, and I’m starting to realize that we’re having a tough time talking during phone calls. And this morning, I feel like just leaving my phone here and going off to go draw. Like I want to be alone… I stayed in bed all morning.
I dreamt about A cowboy town… I remember I was on the phone with drew, and then we weren’t dating I was dating someone else, and then I came back to him. It’s like I totally forgot about him. We were in some sort of a western type small town hotel, and we were upstairs. It was… parts were like a movie.
But why is it that I can say things like you’re all I think about, I only want to be with you, and then have a dream where I’m leaving him? Or dreams where he changes and leaves me, or pulls away from me… It’s annoying. I’ve got so much out on my plate… I’m taking six classes, working out during the week, searching for a job, talking to drew whenever I can, hanging out with friends an my roommate during the week and on the weekends.
It’s a lot to handle during one week! Plus I’m thinking about getting a tattoo and going to the tanning bed, I have to call a million places about getting my haircut, and call UNCG about my college application, soon. I need to call FoTech, and a few other places. It’s insane. I’m going out Sunday to go get Drew a gift, figure out how I’m going to put it together. Do all my homework on Friday/satruday and spend all Friday night with Bri. And most of these things aren’t really that bad. But I’m rarely taking alone time for myself, or ever relaxing. And then sometimes I’m trying to figure out how to make things easier btwn drew and I, and like right now, I’ve got a class in an hour. I haven’t eaten, taken a shower, or done my hw yet. =P
But I’m going to have to soon. I am trying to figure out why I’m getting this odd feeling about Drew. Why suddenly long distance just got harder. It feels like the days are catching up with me! =P Maybe my mind is trying to convince me that it would be better to date someone here. And it would, it’d be a lot less stressful, but would it be worth it? I’ve made it through so far, 7 months with drew, 4 months of that has been long distance. (well technically 5, 2 months with him all summer, 1 month while he was @ home, when I went to college, 2 months in basic, and 1 month so far in Tech School) And when I think about it, no, it’s not worth it. I think about him, and how he makes me feel, and even though we’re going through some rough spots, it’s not ever going to stop me.
When we get on the fone, and I see the little problems we have, I begin to freak out and worry about things. I see it as, it’s going to be another 2 years that I’ve got to deal with this, and it’s getting really hard already. It feels like the weight of the 2 years is really pulling down on me. I look at it now and I see that that mentality is really negative and not quite true. Even though it’s going to be two years, every day a problem’s solved and another one arises, but all the problems that seemed like giants before now seem so small and in the past. I just gotta ram them hard on, and take on the fears. =)
I don’t think that it’ll be too bad of the next few years, and I’ve got to take it one day at a time. Which is a lot harder to so when you’re on the fone with that person and u suddenly realize how far away you two are, how long it’s been, and how much you REALLY MISS THEM!!! It’s like getting hit in the stomach. But I do think that I need to take more time out of the day for myself and homework and just for classes. Because it’s getting too much to try and talk to him all day and do hw at the same time. I find it so much harder to function when he’s distracting me. So I may reserve the time to talk till later or minimize it, unfortunately. I just need to spend more time on myself, friends, and hw than I have with him lately, and then carry that over to him later. I don’t think it’ll be permanent, just a short change… like a coffee break lol.[/FONT]
I dreamt about A cowboy town… I remember I was on the phone with drew, and then we weren’t dating I was dating someone else, and then I came back to him. It’s like I totally forgot about him. We were in some sort of a western type small town hotel, and we were upstairs. It was… parts were like a movie.
But why is it that I can say things like you’re all I think about, I only want to be with you, and then have a dream where I’m leaving him? Or dreams where he changes and leaves me, or pulls away from me… It’s annoying. I’ve got so much out on my plate… I’m taking six classes, working out during the week, searching for a job, talking to drew whenever I can, hanging out with friends an my roommate during the week and on the weekends.
It’s a lot to handle during one week! Plus I’m thinking about getting a tattoo and going to the tanning bed, I have to call a million places about getting my haircut, and call UNCG about my college application, soon. I need to call FoTech, and a few other places. It’s insane. I’m going out Sunday to go get Drew a gift, figure out how I’m going to put it together. Do all my homework on Friday/satruday and spend all Friday night with Bri. And most of these things aren’t really that bad. But I’m rarely taking alone time for myself, or ever relaxing. And then sometimes I’m trying to figure out how to make things easier btwn drew and I, and like right now, I’ve got a class in an hour. I haven’t eaten, taken a shower, or done my hw yet. =P
But I’m going to have to soon. I am trying to figure out why I’m getting this odd feeling about Drew. Why suddenly long distance just got harder. It feels like the days are catching up with me! =P Maybe my mind is trying to convince me that it would be better to date someone here. And it would, it’d be a lot less stressful, but would it be worth it? I’ve made it through so far, 7 months with drew, 4 months of that has been long distance. (well technically 5, 2 months with him all summer, 1 month while he was @ home, when I went to college, 2 months in basic, and 1 month so far in Tech School) And when I think about it, no, it’s not worth it. I think about him, and how he makes me feel, and even though we’re going through some rough spots, it’s not ever going to stop me.
When we get on the fone, and I see the little problems we have, I begin to freak out and worry about things. I see it as, it’s going to be another 2 years that I’ve got to deal with this, and it’s getting really hard already. It feels like the weight of the 2 years is really pulling down on me. I look at it now and I see that that mentality is really negative and not quite true. Even though it’s going to be two years, every day a problem’s solved and another one arises, but all the problems that seemed like giants before now seem so small and in the past. I just gotta ram them hard on, and take on the fears. =)
I don’t think that it’ll be too bad of the next few years, and I’ve got to take it one day at a time. Which is a lot harder to so when you’re on the fone with that person and u suddenly realize how far away you two are, how long it’s been, and how much you REALLY MISS THEM!!! It’s like getting hit in the stomach. But I do think that I need to take more time out of the day for myself and homework and just for classes. Because it’s getting too much to try and talk to him all day and do hw at the same time. I find it so much harder to function when he’s distracting me. So I may reserve the time to talk till later or minimize it, unfortunately. I just need to spend more time on myself, friends, and hw than I have with him lately, and then carry that over to him later. I don’t think it’ll be permanent, just a short change… like a coffee break lol.[/FONT]
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