For divorced people in LDRs

[Yellowsilver]

It seems that my boyfriend is still in pain when he remembers his failed marriage.
This month is hard for him because he got married on the 21st but he's been divorced for five years now.

I have not asked him any questions about it because I don't want to remind him of that but I was wondering, do you ever stop feeling bad after a failed marriage even though he is in a new relationship?

I have to be honest, I have so many mixed emotions about this but at the same time I think that if I were in his shoes, I would still remember something like that.

[Moon]

I'm twice divorced. Honestly, failure does feel bad, it's never a good feeling to fail, but after so long, I think he should be further along by now. Of course I don't know the whole situation, but regardless of him being in another relationship now, he shouldn't still be that affected unless he's got something about the situation unresolved in his head. After half a decade, he shouldn't still be having a whole bad month over it, you know? Maybe, MAYBE the 21st, but not all of October. Do they have children together? That connection can definitely make breaking free completely a lot harder. I'd be a little careful, it seems possible that he's not over his ex-wife, which could cause heartache for you later. He'll always remember, we all do, but those feelings should have faded by now.

[Dezface]

I agree with moon. I'm in the process of a divorce, which makes this all the more recent for me. I got married this month too, but the date has passed. While I did have a couple thoughts that day about things, it didn't really bring me down. Seems like maybe he has something unresolved there. Maybe love, maybe guilt, it's hard to determine but I would be a little concerned.

[Verojoon]

I have been hit with some strange feelings about my divorce lately. I have to keep constant contact with my ex-husband because of the children, and just this month he has dropped his bitterness towards me and has been pleasant to deal with... This makes things much easier when it comes to dealing with issues with the children, but it's reminding me of our good times. I know that we are both so much better off now, and I know that I never loved him in the right way... and I would never ever want to get back in a relationship with him... Still, I remember how he used to be my best friend, and I feel a twinge of nostalgia sometimes...

That being said, for me it's only been a little over 2 years we separated (1 year since he moved out), and there are definitely issues with guilt I am still dealing with... that, and the children are cause for him to still be in my life, and though I get sad and have moments were I may be a bit quieter or whatnot, I'm not too sure it would be noticeable from the outside, and I'm certain it isn't putting me in a bad mood or cause anyone else to be concerned about it.

Can you talk to him about his feelings? Seems like he may need a listening ear... and just keep in mind, that even if he has unresolved issues that stem from his divorce, it doesn't have to mean he loves you less!

[D.4C]

both my girlfriend and i have gone through divorces..it's been about a year for me since my divorce was final...been like 2 or so for her...i know she has some regrets..but her marriage was a little bit rougher than mine...with mine...we just fell out of love...grew apart...we don't hate one another..and actually do text and talk a bit here and there...so it wasn't a bad break...but my girlfriend helps me to forget about those things...

[Snowlilly]

I am also recently divorced after 23 years of marriage. I was the one who asked for the divorce and like D.4C, it is not a bitter divorce. We both realized we grew apart and had no emotional connection and were living as room mates. Our divorce was friendly and we still talk and remain friends. I think it really depends how the divorce came about. If one person was like really in love and the other asked for the divorce out of the blue, then I imagine that can be very rough, but after 5 years he definitely should have moved on by now. One has to learn to forgive oneself for the mistakes one makes, learn from it, and grow from it. I think without that people get stuck in this guilt and regret loop and tend to rehash these moments over and over. People make mistakes and no one is perfect.