:( New LDR- he's just left!

[redapple]

I need some advice please guys!

So I'm by no means new to this forum, so as a bit of a background: My bf has been waiting to go to Singapore since September of *last* year! So there's been a lot of stress with waiting. I knew when he did go it would be short notice, it's just the way he is, and sure enough I got about 10days from finding out he was going and flights being booked until today when he's just left.

It's been horrible, I've had crying spells for about a week straight, ive not known what to do with myself half the time. We did live together (I'm moving out of the room now he's gone) so I've been there for all or the packing and everything, I think it's made it much harder as we had very interlinked lives but I'm glad we had the time together. I'm going to start writing blogs so I won't go into too much detail here to save you some time reading.

Anyway as I said he's just left, we both cried and didn't want to let go. Frankly it was one of the worst feelings ive felt in a long time. But on the positive side- obviously we promised to keep in contact lots and were going to try and keep us going LD as we're pretty good CD (year and a half almost).

So from experienced LD'ers and those maybe in the same situation as me right now. What are your top tips for starting out on the right path to a successful LDR?? Id really like to hear any advice you've got to offer! I'm a really busy person (I do something after work everyday of the week and have most weekends full) so I can keep busy no problem. What else do you suggest or do you think you did wrong at the beginning? Or any general advice?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I think one of the most important things I learnt was to be honest about what I wanted and expected out of the relationship while we were long distance. That meant saying to my SO that I wanted to hear from him roughly once a day, even if it was to say "sorry, can't talk today". It's done a lot to quell my anxieties, and means that if I'm busy, I have the freedom to say the same to him.

Another thing is to be honest about how you're feeling. Without the body language and tone of voice, it's difficult to tell what someone's saying and if they mean it. I had to train myself to tell him when something was up, because I knew he couldn't possibly know something was wrong unless I told him about it. It seems simple enough, but when you're actually in the situation you don't realise how much you rely on HOW someone's saying something to understand exactly what they're feeling.

Finally, it's difficult, but try and relax more. LDRs can put a lot of thoughts into your head that you wouldn't necessarily think if you were with your SO in person. I do ask myself sometimes 'would I be thinking this if we were together in person?' And often the answer is no.

[alittlemind]

I was just about to suggest keep busy! But you've got that down already.

I'm very new to my LDR, so the beginning is fresh in my mind. What I suggest is patience. He's in a new place, adjusting to his new life, you might not get to talk as much as you'd like to, but it probably won't be that way for the whole time. Let him get settled and then you could start planning times of when you'll both be free to talk. Also, it's very important in any relationship to communicate, probably a little more in long distance relationships, because you don't spend every day with him, and you might not know what is going on in his life. Make sure he understands that if there is a problem, he needs to talk to you about it, and same with you.

Just my basic two cents! Best wishes!