Yeah, Mom, Thanks.

[Lunar Snow]

Okay, I know I am going to sound kind of mean and horrible, but I am seriously seething and need to vent.

My Mom is someone I have always considered to be my best friend, so it really hurts me when she devalues and undermines my SO, my LDR, and how I am handling life. She has been very anti this relationship, but I am seriously angry today. The closer I get to going to see him, the more she ramps up criticism of me (about EVERYTHING) and the relationship. I feel like I've gained a bit of weight and was really upset about appearing plumper on my trip and she volunteered to go for walks with me (I like group fitness, but can't afford it) and cook healthier meals (my lack of funds limit me to what my parents are making...and she makes great food, but it is not slenderizing)...so, what does she do? She busts out the fatty desserts, chips and dips, giant plates of carbs and sticks them in front of me (which I have told her that I will eat if they are in front of me as her response to "just don't eat them, then"...and that I lack willpower...which, I guess I do when it comes to treats...) and discourages me from going to exercise because it is too hot. I try to confide in her about things (like the pool party) and she still has a great desire to hear about things and she says that I should just not go to see him and that he is worthless if he doesn't like me for who I am and...why should I go anyway because I should be dating someone here and he isn't stepping up to the plate and is, therefore, using me and this entire thing will end in ruination. She asks me about my artwork (she is an artist, too) and I give some ideas and say how I want to make something for him to thank him for the plane ticket and she says that I will be giving plenty away for free, so why should I do artwork for him. I seriously feel like she is trying to sabotage my relationship and my feelings in the relationship. We like to watch movies and certain shows together, but she also wants to be out doing her own things and enjoying summer, but...suddenly when I am talking to him on the phone, I am ruining our time together. When I finish talking on the phone she storms off in a big tantrum and claims that I chose him over her.

UGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, my grandma and aunt have asked my Mom and I to dinner and we have to leave in 15 minutes, but I swear that I will publicly tear my hair out if I have to be around my Mom right now.

[Caitlin2009]

all i can really tell you is to ignore her anytime she does that, Denise's parents will sometimes do that to her about us, and they are really nice people however whenever they are having a bad day they tend to take it out on her and bring shit up like that, just like i tell Denise that just because she's your parent doesnt mean parents are always right about everything, just ignore her anytime she says that or stand up to her and tell her what shes saying is not right and most likely couldnt be more wrong

[americaneulogy]

While my mom isn't strictly against LDR, she refuses to acknowledge that it is a "real" relationship and that my SO isn't really my girlfriend. I've found it best just to not take it to heart and to not divulge much information about our relationship to my mom.

[LadyMarchHare]

My mom's a bit like that but her issue's mainly race. The one exactly like your mom is my best friend, which shocked the hell out of me. She isn't in the least supportive (even though I thought she was and after the 'incident' that brought her real feelings out she acts like she does again) but it's mainly because she's hyper-jealous that I'm dating for once and she isn't. She claims now I'm trying to act black when I playfully use ghetto lingo but I picked that habit up years ago and that I need to quit pretending. Once when I was discussing the possibility of kids with her she started saying how she'd help me raise it and I told her he and I would and she basically acted like because he's black he'll up and run if/when I get pregnant down the line. I can't mention adult stuff concerning him anymore because she calls me a whore.

But enough about me. XD Sorry.

That's absolutely sickening that your mom is THAT unsupportive. I know in the end her opinion matters as much as the man on the moon but you still have to be around her and she's still your mom. Here's a minor tip I learned, though, about the food thing. It's not so much what you eat, just how much. Even if all you have in the house is chips and the like, snack a bit throughout the day, eat less at meals, and generally try not to eat anything heavy late at night. It's what I did when we couldn't control exactly what we bought regarding groceries and it keeps you from gaining weight and, though a bit slow, could help you drop a couple pounds. Ideally you'd need healthier food with less junk, but you gotta work with what you've got. And who the hell cares about him getting 'enough for free'? You're not doing it for a favor, you're doing it because you love him. I give my SO drawings and random things all the time because I love him and I know it makes him happy.

[Tanja]

She's your mum and she should be happy when you're happy, you need to tell her bluntly that she is hurting you and discouraging you and that is not something parents should do. Yes, they often disagree with their children's choices but just because she doesn't approve doesn't mean that she has the right sabotage your life and LDR and make you unhappy and not feel good about yourself.

Stay strong and talk to her openly and tell her how she's making you feel, she might get defensive and angry at first but deep down she knows you're right and I'm sure she does not want to keep intentionally hurting you.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Tanja. No parent has the right to emotionally abuse (and really that's what it is, considering the whole food thing too) their child or try and hurt them in any way regarding something as innocent as a relationship. If you're a minor it's one thing to have them shoving roadblocks if it's truly for your own good, but 18 and over they can balk all they like but they need to let you live and learn. You aren't blindly rushing into anything and her personal feelings need to be set aside so that you can know she's still there for you.

[polkapiggy]

Unsupportive mothers are often a part of LDRs, my SO's mother has kicked him out the house, tried to send him to live with his grandmother, tried to send him to military school, tried to break his computer and has caused countless arguments and heartbreak. Thankfully, after almost 2 years, she seems to have come to accept me. (my parents are a different story- they don't know about him yet)

At the end of the day, she's a mother being a mother. Many mothers do this. Ever seen the film monster-in-law? No parent has the right to do this to you, but that doesn't stop them from doing it anyway. The only times I've seen this sort of situation be resolved is after the mother finds out just how much she is really hurting her child. You need to tell her how much her behaviour is affecting you. Also ask her if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all can be applied to conversations concerning your SO.

[Butterfly-x]

I agree with everyone here! thankfully, i've decided not to inform my parents about my relationship too 'cause i'm just not going to put my relationship through their poisonous comments. My parents are the least understanding and supporting human being in this world, and thats about other things exc. my relationship! Kudos to you. I'd probably go insane if my parents had the opportunity of making me feel miserable about my LDR.