Long distance again?

[MathnSkating]

So I haven't been on in ages and ages.

Basically the story is my SO and I closed the distance about 3.5 months ago. Its been a rough few months for sure. I've had family issues, didn't have anywhere to stay, then I had to live with my SO, almost had to drop out of school, and a few weeks ago I finally found my own place.

Anyways. I moved out here to be closer to him, but he's finding that he really hates it where he (we) are currently living. He doesn't want to stay. I can see it really clearly. He hate his job, and he's having trouble getting school to work out. I can see how much he hates it. So he's looking at going to another university in the state. We're in Portland right now, he wants to go to Seattle. Well. Actually he lives in vancouver, but its close enough.

He wants me to go with him, and... I don't know what to do. I just moved across the country, and I feel so unsettled right now after everything that's happened. I've also moved 3 times in 3 years. (Big moves. To Israel, back to the East Coast US, then across the country) I'm tired of moving. I don't know if I want to transfer schools again. I want to stay in one place. But he doesn't want to do long distance again, and frankly neither do I. I know Seattle-Portland isn't nearly as obnoxious as Portland-Pittsburgh, but still. Its still a several hour train ride. Does anyone have any advice? Or outside input.

Thank you!

[Softy]

I hate hate moving...
I have moved so much in my life its ridiculous.

But, I would follow my man anywhere he would want me to because I love him, as simple as that.

Is it really only the move that bothers you? Or is there anything else?

[alittlemind]

Of course moving sucks, and of course switching schools sucks (I've done THAT one way too many times, I know). But honestly, if it was me, and I had the opportunity to be with him, I'd take it. Of course having to up and leave again sucks, but you know what else sucks? Distance. And it'll be worth it in the long run for you to be near each other. But I guess at the same time (I'm beginning to realize) you can't throw away what you want because of someone else's wants. You did say you hated the distance, though, so if the school you are at, or the place you are in isn't your ideal or perfect place right now, I'd say consider the move a little more. I'm not sure if that sentence made much sense, but I hope you kind of understand what I am trying to say. Best wishes and Good luck!

[Black_Halloween]

But honestly, if it was me, and I had the opportunity to be with him, I'd take it. Of course having to up and leave again sucks, but you know what else sucks? Distance. And it'll be worth it in the long run for you to be near each other.

agreed.

[ushiwakafox]

Omg...I know what you mean. I'm constantly moving around, be it from East Asia to the states, or from dorm to dorm on campus. It seems like once we move, it never stops I'm here with my SO also finally, but he will be leaving next year to start his air force career, and if I could go with him, I would in a heart beat.
Something to think about, suppose you do decide to stay where you're at right now and he leaves. What then? Do you have any friends there, anyone you know? I would feel like the huge move over there would be pointless. Not saying staying would be a bad thing, it's just weighing out pros and cons.

[sewbama]

So I understand not wanting to move and have to go through all the stuff you just went through all over again.

But if you moved to where you are now for him, and he leaves, is that really going to be worth not having to move? The move is only going to be bad for that couple weeks until you get settled. After that, it'll all be good again. I'm currently at a distance of a few hours (Atlanta-Birmingham), and it sucks more than you might think. I've been in a very long distance relationship before, and I'm almost convinced it's worse when you're close enough for regular visits. If I didn't have something HUGE holding me here (my school, which I love), I'd be out of here so fast.

So, unless there is something that you just can't give up where you currently are (not just stability -- it will come if you move), I think you should go with him. Obviously, I don't know everything about your situation, but I honestly think you'll wonder about the what ifs and regret it if you stay just because you don't want to move.

[Darth_Taco]

My response will differ from everyone else. If I were in your position, I'd tell him to go fuck himself. I'm not sure about you, but for me moving was really difficult. I moved away from my mother (and being a momma's boy @_@), my friends, and everything else I loved. I went from poor, to practically starving myself to make ends meet, and I still can't find my Ninja Turtle shirt! D:< If Enrique were to one day tell me "I hate it here, I can't stand it anymore, I'm moving. I want you to come with me", you'd never find the body @_@. I'm sober, I have somewhat cheaper medical care, I'm finally back in school, I'm making friends, I have my brother here, and hopefully my mom in the near future. Moving will just derail everything for me. If he really wants to move, I'd made him go by himself. If he decided to end the relationship and throw away 4 years over it, then that would be on him.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm simply saying what I would do. Regardless of what you choose, I hope your credits are transferable @_@. Since you already transferred once though, I assume you have enough where they would count if you needed to transfer again. Enrique transferred last year, but he only had like 6 credits so they didn't transfer XP.

[Lilly9886]

I have to agree with Darth_Taco.. why didn't he tell you he didn't like his place, city BEFORE you moved to be with him? I'm sure he knew that before.. I think it's a bit selfish from him to move away now and wanting you to go with him... That said... I think I would go with him too, if you want to...

Good luck!

[Kiyama]

I'm a bit torn on this one.
I agree somewhat with the poster above me. Why exactly does he want to move now? He hates is job? Well he can get a new one on Portland too. And whatever trouble there is with school, does moving really help there?
It seems like he doesn't realize at all what he's doing to you by "forcing" you to pack up all your stuff and move again.

At the same time I also see his side. I could imagine he thinks you're pretty new to town still so no ties or anything and thus, it shouldn't t be a problem to move.

Communication is the key here I would say.
But keep in mind that even a few hours apart can be super annoying. More than you think, I have a friend who has this kind of ldr and sometimes I think she's way more stressed out than I am in mine.

[MathnSkating]

The school thing is because instate he can get his school paid for, while if he tries to go t, say, PSU which is more local he would need to take out loans or something. He does hate his job... He has some applications to a place he's really interested in. He doesn't quite know what he wants to do is part of the problem. He's been a bit difficult to work with.

The thing is... I like it where I am. I'm making friends, getting into things around here. I found an ice rink and I'm starting skating lessons again, I have a fantastic advisor, and I really like my school. I worked so hard to get into my school, and stay there. This semester has been awful, but I'm starting to pull it together and my grades are improving. I'm building a network here, and frankly I've worked hard to get one and continue to work on it. I guess the idea of picking up again, starting over again, and trying to get all of the financial ends to meet, again, is just... really unappealing. But at the same time I don't want to be away from him. But he's been so... Indecisive. This is a big decision. I want him to be sure this is what he wants to do.

I don't want to sound whiney or anything... I really appreciate the outside thoughts! I really want to make sure that I make the best decision, look at options, and consider what they would mean. I also appreciate being able to just... talk through this I guess. It always helps to bounce ideas off of others ^.^

[Katelyn313]

I'm a habitual list-maker, so I would write up pro and con lists for both moving and staying and if I were you, I would include your SO in this process. Your thoughts and reasons for staying are valid and important. And you need to be able to talk to your SO if this is going to work in the long run. I think there's both good and bad things about staying and moving. I understand completely what you mean about needing to talk through this and bouncing ideas off of people. That's what we're here for

Hang in there and try to go over everything with your SO. Like you said, make sure this is what he wants to do. And then imagine what would happen and what it would be like if you were to follow him and if you were to stay. This is a huge decision and you're being really smart by not rushing into things.

Good luck!!!